What a birthday it was!

(Be warned that the pictures are all a tizzy here. I tried to be fancy with formatting. It didn't work at all!)

It's official. I am old! Well, I guess I am not old. I'm not this lady yet. But, I am getting there. I am now a whopping 33! 33! Agh. I think I am okay with it. I am. I really am. And thanks to all my friends (and my wonderful sister who sent me a Wal-Green's gift card where I will purchase my youthful skin back!)

I had three fun celebrations of my birth! Two included other people's celebrations of birth! I love that I know so many people with birthdays around mine. I love to surround myself with my fellow Pisces. We are weirdos, and I love weirdos!

Anyway, the week started off in Seabrook where Mandy, Jacob (C. not W or Jakob with a K), and I had a shindig! My who high school bunch was there except Jerry who is off being awesome in New York.

We all had some yummy sushi. Then we stopped by to pick up Terra, and off we went to the bar. Now, mind you, we tried not to be drunken fools. We tried to go bowling. Who knew bowling closes at 9? Hello! Some people might want to bowl at 10:30! But, alas, it was not to be. So off to the bar we went!

At said bar, we had a fantastic time. There was drinking and picture taking and laughing and.....karaoke! Oh yes!

Shawn, of course, was awesome because he can sing. Mandy worshipped him as he did.

Then came me! I sang the dirty version of Me So Horny by the fabulous 2 Live Crew. That was followed by Snow Informer

Then my wonderful, sweet, sexy, unbelievable awesome boyfriend Jody sang You Lost that Loving Feeling which sounded so good. I know he doesn't think he can sing, but he sounds awesome. Of course, I am in love with the goon. But, it doesn't sound bad at all. I wish he were home so we could make out right now! Oh, I am sorry, I digress. Anyway, he sang, and was awesome!

After that, there was a rousing rendention of Love Shack starring Terra, Mandy, and I. Then there was some Tool and some of this other terrible guy. Then it was off to Mandy's for some chatting and Whataburger, power ballads, gossip, more drinking, bang showing, dancing, Channelette DVDs, and lots of improper talk! Thank you, Jeanah for filling me in on all the lasted Channelview goings on. I miss out on a lot here in Austin!

I had so much fun, it wasn't even funny! I miss all my people. I do! I had a great time. Here are just a couple more pictures for your viewing pleasure!




Then there was the Friday Night Panini Party to celebrate the births of me and Katie Nana! It was so much fun. I love my people. I really do. You just have no idea. So, getting to celebrate with them (even though I see them on a weekly basis) is so much fun!! We hung out, drank, ate the hell out of some damn panini, burned out mouths, got toasted (although it took me a long time to realize it was for real and not a jack assy joke being played on Katie and me. You just have to know my people), and had an all around awesome time! I think it is best shown with pictures. So, here ya go!






Then yesterday -The Real Birthday! The March 14! The 3.14! The greatest Day Ever as stated by both the House of Representatives and The Bible! See, it is an important day!

On the day I turned 33, I started out with Shawn, Jody, and Brian (Shawn's super awesome boyfriend who has great taste in jackets and looks like someone I have known, but I can't think of who!) at Ginger Man. After a couple of beers, and a very odd experience with a girl who made me go chug beers in the bathroom because her husband (who was outside) didn't like her to drink (this was a very surreal experience. I wasn't quite sure what was going on until we left. It was freaky!! This girl was all over the place!), we were off to Banzai for more sushi! I love sushi. Then we came back to Jody and my (mine's? What is proper here?) for a bit more chit chat and fun. I didn't bring my camera. Booooo! I should have because there were some fine picture opportunities!

Straight from that Jody and I went to Trav and Jacob's, meet Michael, and off we went to eat for my big birthday dinner! And guess where we went? Well, of course, where any girl would choose to go eat for her birthday...Furr's!
Now, I have never been to a Furr's. But, it was good. I think better than Luby's, although I haven't been to a Luby's in about 8 years. But, I loved it. I love ice cream scoops of food. I love strange but good pie. I love cafeteria food. I can't help it. It must be because I am so old!

Then we were off to ">Peter Pan Putt-Putt for some fun and excitement. I did quite well with my 64 on an 18 hole course. Of course, I came in last! But, luckily, there was no true winner since Trav and Jacob both tied for first. That means it is a wash (at least in my book), hence I win. I have no idea why, but it was my birthday, so I say I win! Okay, I came in last! But, I don't mind.

Again, I didn't have my camera because I am a goon. But, thanks to the wonderful remembering mind of Michael, we got a few! Here a Jody and I being gold pros...

I am looking absolutely fab in the photo. Keep in mind that I have been doing a lot of having a good time and had gotten drunk by chugging beer in the Ginger Man bathroom earlier that day. Oh, and I got that double chin/wonky hair/no makeup thing going on. Ooooh, I am sure pretty!

Today, reflecting over the last week, I must say that this is probably the best birthday week I have ever had. (Or remember because I am an old fuck now). I love all my people. I miss all my Houston people. It's strange how you forget how much you love people until you get back around them! Anyway, I had a great time.

Thanks all my friends! Y'all are incredibly super! It was a great birthday!

Noooooooooooooooo!

I found a gray eyebrow hair. I turn 33 next week. I'm old! Ugh!

The First Interview with Laura- Queen of the Gypsies

1. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be famous. I still do. I have no idea how or why I was going to get there, but I felt that the only reason to live was to be famous. I still think that. I mean, what other purpose is there? I never had any true career wants. I wanted to be an astronaut for a while because Shannen Doherty's character on Our House wanted to be one, and I thought it sounded cool. I have always wanted to be a writer. So, maybe that is it. Either way, it would end with me being famous.

2. What is your favorite vacation destination, and why?

I am going to go with a vacation spot I have been to because otherwise, I wouldn't know. It would have to be Matagorda, TX. I love it there. I love it there. It is growing, and that sucks. But, I still love it. Of course, a lot has to do with a friend's house on the Colorado. I love that house. I love how the Colorado empties into the Gulf. I love the weather. I love the relaxedness of it. I love the Stanley's (see previous post). I just really like it there.


3. What is your guiltiest pleasure?

My guilty pleasure is kinda gross. When I am giving myself a manicure, I always bite my nails off instead of cutting them with clippers. I used to bite my nails, but when I was about 18 or 19, I quit. I still want to bite them all the time. But, I don't. I only do it when I am doing my nails.


4. If you were famous, what would you be famous for?

Being Laura Ferguson. Really, not much else needs to be said on the subject! Well, I would go writer or actor or singer or just one of those famous for being famous people. Or cult leader, masked gunman, bank robber, whatever.


5. President Obama has told you that he will make one of your ideas law, not questions asked. What idea do you suggest?

Gay marriage is legal. Why is it that I can marry the guy that is standing in the parking lot outside my office who I have never seen and do not even know his name, but gay people can't? I mean, I can go marry that guy right now, no questions asked. But, people who have been together for ever can't! Or hell, maybe a gay man wants to marry that guy in the parking lot. I am all for it. I guess marriage is sacred, especially when you do it 9 or 10 times in your life. Oh, so sacred. Fucking ridiculous. Let anyone who wants to get married get married.



So, once you answer these, copy and paste the following…



Now...I would love to interview you and you and you. So here is what you do:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions.)
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
So come on--let's get to know each other better. And do not fear potential questions--I promise to play very nice. Good times



Good luck!

Things I have realized in the last half hour

1. I do not ever want to have a beard.

2. Darlin' Nikki is a really cool song. Like really cool. The drums are awesome, and all know how I love me some drummer.

3. My hair will never ever ever be wash, brush, and go. Every day will include a
flatiron (is that supposed to be one word?), a curling iron, or lots of rubber
bands and bobbie pins. That is a harsh reality to face.

4. I just will never love facebook the way I love myspace. Yet, I have to be there
because myspace is now a rocky place where my seed can find no purchase. And I am
addicted to social network sites, so I must go there.

5. There is no way every one of my facebook friends is that happy. Come on! All you
people from high school? There is just no way. One of you is regularly beaten by
your spouse. One of you hates your kids. One of you is fucking your kids. One
of you is damn near bankrupt. I just don't know who because you are all smiling
and happy in your photos! But you can't be! There is just no way. But, there
you all are, smiling in the photos.

6. I like a Beyonce song. And I have to come to grips with it. I know it's okay.
Everyone is allowed on Beyonce song whether it be Beyonce, Plain White Ts, Jonas
Brothers, or Rascal Flats. It is not okay if your Beyonce song is Celine Dion.

7. I will never like mint. I won't. And I will never love a toothpaste. But, I
keep on brushing through the taste.

8. I love reading, but I am so tired of it. School has sucked the read out of me. I
am sure it will come back. But, as of right now, I am so sick of reading.

9. Every time I hear Moving in Stereo I see
Pheobe Cates' boobs appear before me. Unfortunately every time I hear Just What I Needed I think of Boys Don't Cry. Then I get all sad and cry-y.

10. I have made the format of this blog all goony. I wonder how. Wow, I am impressive. I don't even know how I did that. Lord, I am cool!

Pork Chop Sandwiches!

Today I aim to blog about a gripe I have. It isn't a major gripe. In fact, I might be an ass for even thinking it is a gripe. It is just something that annoys me. So here goes:

So, I go to Which Wich for dinner tonight on my way to work. I usually don't go to places like Which Wich because I am an Austinite, and we hate that kind of thing. However, I can see Which Wich from my office. It's really close. Like really close. It's about a half block away. So, on the occasion you have to go. It was either that, Chipotle, or a plethora of fast food. Plus, I wanted the hell out of a sandwich.

So, I go and fill out my little bag. I give it to the person, who tells me I owe them $8 for a sandwich and a drink. Then I wait. And this is the gripe....hold it...hold it....I hear them call my name (which you have to write on your bag). It takes a minute to be sure they are actually saying something out loud since the radio is blaring. A few other customers look up. I hear that somewhat talk noise again. Yep, they are calling my name.

I walk up, start to take the bag, and notice it says Lawson. So, I don't pick it up. The guy again says what I hear as Lala (which is much closer to Laura than Lawson). I am still standing right there, and I still can't really hear him. Lala's sandwich sits there for a bit until the guy says, "Mario." He clearly says Mario. They customer next to me realizes that this is his order. He is picking up Lala and Mario's order. He must be Mario. Nope, he is Matt. But, this is his order. He makes sure, but yes, that is his bag. So he leaves.

This happens to almost all the people in front of me. This lightly said wrong name has everyone confused. I finally get mine (because I counted the number of bags hanging until you got to mine). I am not sure he ever did say my name, but I got my sandwich and left.

Now, it may seem stupid that I am griping about this. But, if the only way to let the customer know that their order is ready is to say their name loudly over a very loud and annoying remake of Sting's Fields of Gold, then maybe you ought to say the correct name, and do it loudly (or at leas audibly). I mean, I might not hear you over the retching that is happening to me from hearing the remake of a terrible song done much more terribly!

So, that's my gripe. It just annoyed me. Sure the economy is in the crapper. Sure we are still a nation full of racists and child molesters and rapists and murderers. But, I gotta gripe about the Which Wich guy. Ain't I nice? (Oh, and can I type Which Wich enough?)

I am obsessed

with The Secret Life of the American Teen. Thank all that is holy it is on youtube! It's quite sad because I am an old lady without kids, and it is about a young lady having a kid. I'm such a loser.

Movies! Movies! Movies!

Go see The Wrestler. It is an excellent film. It should win best picture. I even have to give it to Mickey Rourke. I don't think anyone else could have been that character. Also, I think Marisa Tomei is amazing. Be prepared to feel like shit and cry a lot. But, it truly is a great movie.

Do not see Burn After Reading. Let me state that I love the Coen Brothers. Actually, it is far more than that. I believe they may be the people to do the movie that causes world peace! This is not the movie. Oh, it sucked so bad! I was so disappointed. It was predictable, boring, long, boring, not witty at all, the plot twists where stupid and predictable, boring, long, and seemingly a joke. Did I mention boring. I was like it was a caricature of a Coen Brothers' movie. Don't see it. It sucked

And it just keeps getting better!

Eight days ago I spent $289 to get my laptop fixed. For eight glorious days I got to use my baby, my love, the machine which holds everything in my life stored within its confines. For eight Fabulous days all my music, pictures, games, and super fast Internet where in my lap!

Today, I did this:





This, along with a huge cut on my arm, a near concussion, no sleep at all (none), an almost dishwasher fire, a broken pipe flooding my closet, a delayed plane flight, my neighbors dog tearing my favorite and oldest shirt, and still shitty back made today a happy day for me. Ugh! Life rules!

My back!

In keeping with my ever aging self, it seems I have thrown out my back! Yes, I am getting old and rickety. See, I did this incredible thing. I bent over. Yep, bent over and there it goes. I can't move. Day two now. I am feeling better, but it still hurts like a son of a bitch. Oh, mix old age, fatness, big boobs, and an utter lack of movement, and this is what you get. Hurray! It might have been the shoes I wore on Valentine's day (which was awesome, by the way). Oh well. At least I can walk now, kinda. I did get to spend most of the day playing Spore because I couldn't do much else. Of course, getting up to pee was a bit difficult.

Ugh!

Dudley Do Right, why can't I sleep?

I mean, really! Is it that hard. It's sleep. I have been doing it for years. Practice almost every damn day or night of the week. Yet, somehow-this week-I have forgotten how to do it! Balderdash!

So, here are some pictures just because I want to add pictures. Don't question me, I'm sleepy!

I'm lying, it's a video.

Tuesday

Absinthe, a dog show, Wii Golf, Taco Bell, and Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches.

Zack and Miri Make a Porn

I have seen what may be one of the best movies ever made! I have seen Zack and Miri Make a Porno. I think it may be one of my favorite movies. And it is hard to crack Laura's favorite movie list. But, this one did it. It was great!

There is funny, love, sad, and a good fucking ending! Thank all that is holy for a good ending that didn't take a year and lots of misery to get to. That doesn't give anything away.

There was one point where I was laughing so hard (no pun intended, although I am not sure if that is a pun. I just wanted to say that) that I thought I was going to have to turn off the movie. That funny! And then I almost cried. And that was awesome, too! Oh it is so good.

It doesn't hurt that it has my boyfriend (with whom I share with Mandy) Seth Rogen in it. I also have a love for Craig Robinson (who stars in the Office and is a damn funny comedian). He is hilarious. It also stars the world's most well spoken porn star Katie Morgan who is so cute, I don't mind her terrible boob job. In fact, I think they look cute on her. Then there is Traci Lords who needs no explanation because she is super fucking awesome. And to top it off we get to see Jay's penis! He looks pretty good all unheroin, tattooed, and in shape. And you get to see a whole lot of him. It rules!

I highly recommend this movie. Well, that is if you have my sense of humor. If you don't, you may find it offensive and of bad taste. And since those are my two favorite qualities in anything, I freaking love it!

I don't recommend Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. First, I may be too old. But, they also kinda gypped the story a bit. I see why it didn't do well, but it probably could have. I mean, the hipsterness, it is strong. Good idea, decent execution, but not nearly as good as I wanted it to be.

All I gotta say is that if Nick Cera doesn't do the Arrested Development movie because he thinks he's a cool movie star now, he is wrong! He better freaking do it. George Michael, please don't let me down!

What the hell is going on with Myspace (besides the fact that everyone has left it)?

In the past few days, I have gotten a lot of messages on myspace. They are all weird! Very exciting, but weird.

1. From:
Veronica Torres

Hello, my name is Veronica and I was wondering if you could help me with something. I am a dominatrix and I am searching for women that would be willing to dominate me male slave. He would be there for your enjoyment and pleasure for you to use.

You can have him worship your feet or be more extreme that is up to you (I can give you more ideas too). I am training him to learn that all women are superior and that he will serve who I tell him.

If you are interested please write me back and we can discuss it more and maybe set something up.

Mistress

Not a bad option! In fact, this might be fun. And seeing as I have been employeed for a couple of years of my life in jobs that did cause me to act as a dominatrix, this should be right up my alley. But, I wonder why I got this? Odd! Of course, I have a fairly decent job, and go to school. I just don't have the time. So, I think I will pass on Mistress' offer.

2. Worst Dates
myspace.com/gnyceness

author
Body:
Hi, My co-author Emily and I (Greg) are working on a book project about horrible dates for women dealing with men. It's a collection of real life stories. Some guys can be weird, clueless, stupid and pure jerks. We are hoping you would share one of your really bad dates with us? Give us the funny, sad, awful and(or) lessons learned. We like details and we dont care if its offensive. Also worst comments and pick-up lines are welcome too. Thank you for reading this and take care.


Well, I guess this isn't so abnormal, but since my status is "In a Relationship," I can't figure out why they sent it. Did someone just sign me up for a men suck club or something? And how did they find me? And who the hell wants to read a book about horrible dates for women dealing with me? I prefer to get my stories about bad dates in tiny paragraph snippets in Glamour or Cosmo. Seriously? I hate to tell the guy that this ain't gonna sell. And why does he hate his gender so? I guess Emily up there is egging him on. Another odd email!

3. christian

christian williams

myspace.com/444283186

Body:
Hello Boo
Wow I am here looking at your profile......Ussshhh God when I saw your profile, I must say I was really captivated and absorbed, My heart stumbled for you , My eyes are on you I have never seen a woman That look so captivating, enchanting, charming, gorgeous, sweet in my life before .You are the most sweetest woman I have ever seen in my life, I am looking for a partner in life and I want someone That will be there for each other both in bad and in good times, I think you are the woman I really need, desire my life, its good to have feelings for someone like you because I know you must be open minded, honesty, caring,loving, I really pray now that you will be the one for me, I will never look at any other woman eyes again in my life I will take you as My Queen and My soul mate forever I want you to know I really need a woman and looking at your eyes... makes my heart skip a bit and My soul is dieing of your love, I would like to know you better, You Can you e-mail me to christianwilliams26@yahoo.com cause i do not come here much, Or Im (Instant Message) on Yahoo Messenger,let chat and know each other better, I pray you get back to me, I Can’t wait to know a Queen like you. I am here waiting to hear from you. Bye for now boo

Christian.

Well, I guess being someone's boo before you even meet them should be flattering. However, when it is from some sort of Bot, I am not so sure. But, that's beside the point. Isn't this creepy? What computer hacker/phisher, never getting laid, dorkwad thinks this is going to work? I may not be the prettiest or thinnest leaf on the lady tree, but even me as a single gal wouldn't fall for this. Come on! If you look at the picture, the guy is gorgeous. Yes, he has horrible grammar and is truly searching for a Queen (what's with the capital Q?), but he's pretty. So, I am sure he would want the likes of me. What's awesome is he doesn't have any myspace friends. This is as see-through as a Nigerian Prince needing my help with his millions! Odd!

What a bunch of Schmohawks.

Enough for now. Later