My wedding is 153 days away.  I have said over and over that I need to go on a diet to look wonderful for said occasion.  I haven't done that yet.  And, now I have a dress.  I am guessing that losing a bunch of weight would not really be cool being as I have a dress that fits (and Spanx).  But, what I did not think of until the other day was that I can't gain any weight for 153 days.

Now, as you go back through this blog (or if you just know me, Jacob), you will see that I have a amazing knack for packing on the pounds.  It seems that later in life your metabolism starts slowing down.  And, if you started out a big butt, it turns into a bigger butt (and a bigger everything else).  So, I am now trying just not to gain 20 pounds.

Please ignore the tacky deskness

You may think this an easy task since I am grown ass human with a thinking brain.  Well, it's not.  Wanna know why?  Here is one reason.   That picture right over there.

Now, you might wonder what that is.  That is my desk at work.  My desk.  It is a shared desk with a day person, so it isn't mine alone.  But, it is the hub of our department "behind the wall." (Too long to explain, but some will understand.) So, sometimes when I get to work-like tonight-there are THREE boxes of donuts, a bag of candy, a bag of cookies, and a container of cookies. 

Now, that sounds like a lot.  It looks like it might be more than one fatty boom balaty can handle?  Maybe if you see it in a fancy, modern manner you will see it differently.

Please ingore the hipster deskness

There, does it look different in Instagram?  No?  Yeah, not to me either.  It still looks like THREE boxes of donuts, a bag of candy, a bag of cookies, and a container of cookies. And, it is not easy for a fatty boombalatty to turn away from.  Especially at 3am when your Lean Cuisine pizza just isn't cutting it;  you are tired; bored; and, well, just a fatty who likes donuts, candy, and cookies. 

So, there sits my torture.  Right over there to my right.  What kind of cruel job is this that does this to a person.  Hell, even a skinny couldn't handle it.  I'm handling it, though.  Well, only because I am writing about it on here.  Where the hell is the fruit bouquet when you need one?  Not on this desk, I tell you what.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I know that my overly large bohonkus (and boeverything) is absolutely my problem.  I know that I have the free will and will power to overcome anything including a giant box of donuts.  I know that I could weigh 143lbs (hahahahahahaha) if I really wanted to.  I know.  I know.  I know.  But, as an American who runs solely on processed sugars, it just ain't easy.  Do you feel sorry for me yet?

All I can say is, thank goodness for an awesome fellow who loves a hefty gal. Now, let's hope I don't have to ride a wave of donuts to the altar while wearing a tent because I am too large to walk there.  Here's to not eating this giant pile of crap and continuing to fit into my wedding dress!