Mrs. Suarez at Your Service!

It is official.  I am Laura Suarez now.  Well, I am still Laura Ferguson because I haven't gotten our license in the mail and changed all my stuff.  But, I'm Laura Suarez for all accounts.  I got married!  I did.  I been married for two weeks.  Holy Highway Girls Home!  I'm a Mrs.  Finally, I am not an old cat lady.  I'm a hitched up lady now!  If I had a ton of time I would write more.  But, I don't.  Between wedding, honeymoon, work, and moving, I'm all over the place.  So, I am going to post some pictures for those of you who didn't know or get to be there.  By the way, I am not sure if that is anyone.  Maybe it is my dearly missed D who will one day come back online!  Come back!  Come back!  Anyway, here are some pictures. Yay!

Once we get all moved this week, I will pick up with the blogging.  Oh, this has been one overwhelming last couple of months.  It's pretty rad, though.  All good changes!  Being a wife is super fun!  Yay, me! 

13

I have 13 days until I turn into a sassy Latina spitfire.  I haven't blogged much lately because I have been busy doing all kinds of things.  Mostly they involve the event that will wollop me in the head in 13 days.  I have had another shower, I have found a new house, Jody has been on tour, I've worked like a son of bitch, I got sick, Jody got sick (and is right this second), and so all kinds of other stuff.  I really need to sit down and write.  But, I'm busy.  And, I'm lazy. 

I will soon, though, update you all on the fantastic bridal shower I had that was very much like one you would see in an Ethan Allen ad or on some sort of WE or OWN bridal show.  It was fantastic!  FANTASTIC!

I will soon write to you about our fab new place is next door to a gal whom I love and worked with for almost 4 year and whom I have missed since she moved on and whom I love for helping us get the place and for whom I am very excited to live next to.  I will show you all that fancy stuff.

I will soon show you the pile of loot we've collected as nearly marrieds.  Wow, people really are flipping awesome when you are getting married.  I didn't know how many people loved us.  I love them back.

I will soon post some pictures of life in general that I have been neglecting to post.  And, all one of you (Jody) will get to see them!

But, for now I'm going to go home and go to bed because I'm sleepy.  And, oh, such a fabulous writer this morn.

Netfarts!

How is it that I can't find a single thing to watch on Netflix streaming?  There are thousands of TV shows and movies available for viewing.  But, I can't find a dang thing I want to watch.  Nothing.  I have scrolled and read reviews and started stuff and not finished it.  Ugh.  Why am I so fickle?  And, how can there be literally thousands of completely shitty movies and television shows?  THOUSANDS!  Lord.  I need to lower my standards or else I shall never be entertained again!

I Get a Husband!

So, one month and one day from now I get myself a husband.  I certainly can't wait to have him as a husband.  He's super cute. He's super cool.  He super loves me.  He never makes me take out the garbage. And, he is patient enough to turn sugar into caramel.  So, in honor of My Man, I'm showing you him hard at work.  Luckily, his job is fun to watch.  You wouldn't want to watch mine.  It looks very much like clicking and typing with a phone answering every now and again. And, as exciting as that sounds, it isn't.  Well, maybe to some people.  Some people are into wet Adidas.  But, I digress.  I love Jody Lane Suarez, and I am gonna be 14 years old and scream it onto my blog!

Disappointment

While sleeping a bit ago Jody tried to wake me up to go with him to buy some drumsticks. I mumbled go without me and kept on sleeping. Well, I woke up because I realized he had been gone a long time. I was hungry, and Church's is right around the corner. It shouldn't have taken so long because Church's is literally 30 seconds away, and he'd been gone for 40 minutes. So I call him to make sure he wasn't dead (and because I'm hungry and want a drumstick). He says he's almost home. Five minutes later he pulls up with actual drumsticks...for playing his drums. Man, I wanted some chicken. That's true disappointment.

I Gotta Get with it

I blame the Olympics for my lack of writing lately. Sure they are over and have been. But I'm still exhausted from watching the whole dang thing (even the horrible Closing Ceremony. Did y'all see that mess?) really I'm just lazy. But, I'm blaming that Bolt fellow.

Movin' on Up or Down or West or East

Well, guess who has to move again? 

In the unending saga of "Laura's Moving Again," I am front and center yet again.  Ugh.  Our landlords have decided that they want to live in our house.  I have no idea why.  It's tiny and theirs is so big.  I have no idea what they will do with 2000sqft of stuff in a 678sqft of house.  But, alas, it is their prerogative not to renew our lease.  I kinda figured that would happen because they refused to give us long leases.  I also figured it because I have the shittiest house luck of all times!  Really, read the blog.  I think the first one is about me moving.  I think.  One of them is.  So, as per usual, I have to move.

Now to make moving even more fun this time around, we have to be out just a mere two weeks after we get back from our honeymoon.  Awesome. You know when the best time to move is?  It's when you have just spent several thousand dollars on your out-of-state wedding and week long honeymoon which is all nonrefundable!  And, of course, people have to eat, buy gas, and that sort of thing on their honeymoon.  So, there goes any savings we might have had.  Yes, as a huge wedding gift we get to figure out where a deposit, pet deposit, money for movers or a moving truck, electric deposit, and all the expense that goes along with moving are going to come from!  Hurray! Hurray!  Here's to enjoying the only time I have ever had an actual vacation on my life. Hurray!  You just can't imagine how happy we are about this. 

Again, nothing against our landlords. It's their house.  It's just sucky timing.  Yay!

But, alas, we will get through it and live somewhere.  Our truck is small and can't hold two people and two dogs, so we must!

And The Bark Goes On

So, my dogs are annoying. Super annoying. Yes, they are cute and lovable, but the are annoying. We are currently on the habit of breaking them from sleeping in the bed with us which they have done for years. They just got a little to comfortable. And, once you've been booted from the bed by them, you gotta do something.

Well, it's been going well with the exception of Schneider out old, back hunching wiener dog. He can't really jump on the couch to well these days. So instead of sleeping in his bed on the floor or the self made and human ignored comforter bed in the hall near the door of our extra bedroom, his new habit is to stand by the couch barking until one of us (Jody) goes and puts him on the couch. So, now we have to break that habit. Fun.

Annoyance

For some reason this is in my head:

You don't have to be a star, Baby, to be in my show...

Yep, one of the worst songs ever.  And, sadly, it's just that line from it.  Over and over again this is playing in my head.  Grasdfkjadnp.  I wish it would go away.

It's Seven Days, and I'm Jonesing

Well, it has been a week since my very bestest friends in all the land moved their goony asses to the New Orleans in the Louisiana.  Sure, it's a cool town.  Yes, it is going to be very convinient for me when I get married there in the New Orleans.  And, yes, I will even say that it a good move because it advances both their careers and will better their lives in ways that they deserve.  But, I'm a big titty baby, so I'm sad. Now, only 3 more years until they come back! 

If I can keep myself as busy as I did last week, I won't miss them much at all!  I will go broke, but I won't miss them as much!

But, in case either of you two goons decide to read my blog (which you do because I force you to read it), I just wanted to let you know that I'm super proud of y'all!  And, I can't wait to see you next month!

Oh!

In less than two months I'm getting hitched.  Holy Miley Cyrus!

Let's Go to the Movies!

If you can fathom this, I saw what may have been two of the best movies ever made in two days.  I can't even put into words how odd it is to see two movies that can so affect one's emotions in two completely different ways.  So, saying that, I highly recommend:

KLOWN

Now, if you know my sense of humor, and I say this is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen, you can probably gauge what that means.  It is highly offensive and highly uncomfortable.  Go see it.  I almost wet my pants.  Go see it.  Did I say go see it?  Go see it.

Then the next night I saw this:

The Beasts of the Southern Wild

I honestly don't know what to say about this movie.  It put me in a weird place.  It put me in a good place.  I can't even explain to you why it is good or how it is good.  It was just compelling.  Please go see it.  It is wonderful.  And, again, I can't even explain why.  Maybe it made me feel human or made me reflect on my life or made me reflect on my childhood or made me reflect on my home or just made me think about humanity and community and spirit.  Whatever it is, it is making me sound like a drippy goonface.  Just go watch it.

So, how strange is it to see two movies that pretty much shake up the top 10 movie list in two days?  It's been a good week.

Ain't Nun Yo Bidness

I was discussing this morning about how the Seton towers look like The Flying Nun's habit (is the hat called the habit or is the whole outfit the habit?), and if I was Banksy, I would paste a giant picture of Sally Field underneath it.  Well, I'm told that is what it is supposed to look like.  Well, not like The Flying Nun, but like a nun.  I guess it worked because that's what I thought it looked like.

Here is the nun hat at night.

Here is the nun hat during the day.

Tell me those don't look like this Flying Nun habit?

Summer in my Bedroom.

It's humid, and I'm itchy.

I Don't Tro What to Write

Well, I was going to write another blog about Channing Tatum's rear end, but I decided I wouldn't.  I have talked about it enough.  So, I shall go on to other subjects.

We have matching triple chins.

Of course, I can't think of any.  Yep, I am out of thought.  Or thoughts.  I guess I am out of thoughts.  I wonder how that happened?  I mean, I guess I am having thoughts right this minute because I am typing.  If I had no thoughts, this would look like a big bunch of nothing because I wouldn't be thinking anything and my fingers wouldn't have the ability to move.  Also, I think if I couldn't think or have thoughts I might be blob on the floor much like Peter Griffin when he had no bones. That would be quite a sight.  And sexy, too.  Me and my mush twin Peter Griffin.

So, there was that thought.  I need to come up with another one.  What is another thought that I can write about in my blog.  Jiminy Christmas, I have no idea.  I could tell you what I am currently listening to on my phone.  I am listening to Farmer John by The Premiers.  I really dig this song.  But, than again, everyone with any decent musical taste should like it.  I know this because I have the greatest taste in music of all time.  I would go on with this thought, but if I do I am quite sure I will end up offending anyone who like Coldplay or Jack Johnson.  In fact, just writing that probably lets people know that I have a serious aversion to them. And, don't even get me started on Jason Mraz or LMFAO.  I can't go there.  I will upset someone, I know.  So, I am just going to go on to thought number three.  Well, that is if I can think of a thought number three.

Okay, here's one.  Thought number three will be about........I'm still thinking.  Lord, why am I writing a blog when I have nothing to write about.  Actually, why am I writing a blog at all.  Well, I guess because I have to do something with the nervous energy and writing education I got.  So, this is just a good a place as any.  Besides, it's what all the kids do now.  And, since in my brain I am still a kid, it is what I will do.  Or will continue to do because I have been doing it for a long freaking time.

Okay, real thought number three is nothing.  I really ain't got shit tonight.  Or today.  Or whatever it is.  I spent a lot of today editing, so I think I might be just a wee bit word wiped.  Or brain wiped.  Or something wiped.  That reminds me that I need to buy toilet paper.  Remind me to go buy toilet paper on my way home, okay.  I can't end this blog with this lopsided picture thing going on here.  So, I am going to just have to post another picture or video.  I wonder what it should be.  Well, it is going to be stuck over to the left no matter what it is.  Oh, inner dialogue that I am typing, how entertaining you are going to be to the three people who read this.  Oh, dear.  Why am I typing what I am thinking?  And why do I keep writing thing for think?  I keep fixing it, so you don't know I'm doing it, but I am.  A lot. 

Okay, there's what I got.  The Trololo guy.  He died recently, and that's just sad.  But, this guy holds a special place in my heart.  I love him.  And, once,  I tried to annoy my office by playing the website which is a loop.  For two hours (I shit you not) no one said a word.  They all just sang along after a while.  Then I had to go home, so it stopped.  But, I like to think he brought our office together that morning.  I just meant to annoy.  And, it did not work.  I have once been called Tro Lo Laura. I dig that.

Well, now this seems a bit lopsided now.  So, I think I shall throw one more video up here.  I think I shall make it The Barbarians.  I like them.  I am putting Moulty because I love that song.  It is rumored that the backing band on this song is actually The Band which is one of my favorite bands of all time.  They are so much more than The Weight, People.  For real.  Although, for an overplayed song, that is a good one.  Anyway, no one except like two people even care about that or think it's awesome or have even the slightest idea what I am talking about, so I shall stop now.  And, that was thought number four.

Mike is Definitely Magic

I am going to keep this blog short and simple.  Go see Magic Mike.  Just go.  It's so worth it.  It really, really, really, really, really, really is worth it.  I am even going to state that the story isn't bad.  At all.  And, then there are the men.  Oh. Dear.  I highly recommend it.  I'm going to post some trailers here because I want to watch them, and that is all that is available on youtube.  I can't say enough except they could have used a bit more man dancing in no clothes. I'm also declaring what a big fan I am of Channing Tatum, of Matthew McConahoweveryouspellit's bending over in no pants, and of Big Dick Richie who will always be known as that to me because I just don't care what his real name is.

P.S.  Thank you, Steven Soderbergh for not making the main female character stupid, gullible, dumb, or predictably cute female in a movie.  Those of us with brains and boobies appreciate it.

Let me stop right here to let you know that Channing Tatum pulling off his pants in the above scene is as good as you think it is.  It is so good.  So, so good.  Good lord!  Here, here's a still of it just in case you don't get the full effect in the clip.

Yep, I made this picture as large as I could! 

I might have to go watch those stupid Nicholas Sparks movies or GI Joe.  I mean, he's funny in 21 Jump Street, but I didn't know how talented he was.  I mean, that pants/butt thing really works.

Okay, this is a total bootleg scene on someone's phone. I am going to leave you with it.  I just don't care how wrong it is for me to post it, and it will probably be gone soon.  But, it's worth it!  Hurry before it goes away.  Lord, he's hot!

Okay, enough of me being a pig.  I shall go now and study the Bible and read to blind children.  Sha right!  Nope, I think I will go objectify more men.  Yay!

How a Shower Pepped Up my Shower

A shower is usually the only opportunity you get to use the gifts you got at your shower!

Some sort of penis laughter is happening here.

You know you're loved if you get a blueberry ring!

Laura and Jody wedding season has kicked off.  We were treated to a wonderful shower by one super blogger and his super husband (or as the world likes to call them Jacob and Travis).  We had a great time.  There was food, fellowship, and dirty gifts!  And, as I am sure you have figured out, I love anything dirty.  Well, not like socks.  But, you get my drift.  It was a whole lot of fun.  Wanna see some of it? 

Fancy cheeses just for us!

Look how happy Jody is with me being so comfortable with a penis near my mouth.  No wonder he's marrying me!

Now, if you can get over the random placement of these pictures than keep on reading.  If not, stop now because it might get worse.

Anyway, I couldn't be more thankful to all our friends for such a great day.  And, really do have to thank Trav and Jacob for being the bestest of best friends in throwing this shindig for us.  But, they did more than just throw us a shindig.  They gave us something so super awesome! They gave us a shower radio.

Now, I know what you are thinking...shower radio?  Yep, a shower radio.  You see, I have always wanted a shower radio.  We had one when I was a wee lass, but it died when I was about 4.  So, it's been a while since I have had one.  And, when I was adding stuff to the old registry, I threw on a shower radio.  And, when I saw it, I was way more excited than one girl should be.  Really, I was.  In fact, I kinda just wanted to go buy one.  But, I didn't.

It even has AM for all my Alex Jones in the shower needs.

Lo and Behold, what did we open at the shower but a shower radio from the bestest people on Earth, Travis and Jacob!  They even included batteries (and some Dr. Pepper BBQ sauce to entice me into eating more meat).  It was shocking that of all things that turned out to be a gift (because I put literally hundreds of things on our three, yes three, registries)!

So, I get in the shower and prepare for some fun-filled dancing shower time, and do you know what I realize?  I realize that a shower radio is more than just a musical electronic that won't electricute the shit out of you while it plays, but it is also the most entertaining timer of all times.

You see, I bleach my hair.  I don't know if you can tell that about me because strkiking white blond hair is so natural on so many people over the age of 3.  But, it isn't natural.  I bleach the hell out of it at least every 6 weeks.  And, as one who tortures her hair (and has since she was about 12), it tends to be on the dry side.  So, all the conditioners and hair treatments I use have to stay on for a while. 

My latest hair fixer is a three minute hair mask.  Normally, I put it on my head and sing the final Jeopardy theme song three times (it's a minute long, as opposed to the Daily Double song which is 30 seconds).  So, I sit there humming, duh da duh duh duh da duh, duh da duh da duh duh duh duh duh duh.  You get the picture.  But, you know what now rules?  That I can just sing and dance to a song or two then rinse that hair fixer goop out!  It's awesome!  In fact, I over left it on  my hair because Bob Seger exlpaining how the night moves.  This is going to make my hair the healthiest it can be because I just want to hang out in the shower!

I want to thank everyone who came and everyone who gave us gifts.  You will get an actual thank you note not just an anonymous mention in a blog.  But,  I gotta say, I can't believe how awesome a shower radio is.  Oh, and the penis stuff, too.  That's always good!

Midnight Girl in a Sunset App

I live in cool town. I do. We all know it. It's hipsters galore. It's young money galore. It's old trying to be young galore. It's health and fitness and beauty galore. It's Austin. Everyone has heard of it. Everyone knows where it is. Everyone has been here for a weekend at Barton Springs and 6th Street. If you haven't, you want to visit.

In the 16 years (Lord, I'm getting old!) I have lived here (except that year in San Francisco), I have learned that I will never be the coolest in cool town. It's okay. I never expected to be. Sure, I am on the East Side and have a couple of weird dogs and wear my Converse to every occasion and grocery shop with my iPod and watch movies exclusively at the Alamo and write books and and eat too often from trailers and prefer the East 6th bars to the West 6th bars and recycle everything and eat tacos for every meal and have a nose ring still and wear ponytails and edit a magazine and love Wes Anderson and go on picnics and listen to weird music and got a graduate degree in an almost completely useless subject and strum a ukelele and am marrying a professional musician who plays in all kinds of bands. But, I am most certainly not cool. And, I am fine with it. I don't want to be the coolest person in cool town. Hell, I don't want to be the 73822 coolest person in cool town. Too much pressure. I couldn't handle it.

One good things is that I am not so uncool as to not fit in. I fit in just fine. I'm at least enough of a weirdo for that. I mean, in 16 years this town has not chewed me up and spit me out as it has so many.
                 

I have, however, found something that makes me feel like the ladies to the right (and no not like an amazing female writer from SNL)  Yep, I do. I feel like Mom Jeans. And do you know why? It's that damn Instagr.am app for the iPhone. Wow. Nothing in the world makes me feel like a front butt like the Instagram. It's tragic almost how old coot you feel when scrolling through people's pictures. Yes, Instagram makes you feel all Mom Jeans.




Let's see this is action, so you will understand what I mean.

Here are a few of the pictures I have taken and filtered through Instagram (I am not using the period because it makes me feel douchey). 

See.  This is how cool I get.  I have Trav over there to the left at a party with pinata legs.  And to the right I have part of my desk at work which features Schrute (who could really do my job well).  There are some filters on them to make you think I'm rad.  But, they don't make you think that.

Over there to the left is my self portrait.  Yes, I have done that. And, you have, too!  Then to my right we have a picture of a giant lunch suitcase in the break room fridge at work.  That really was the biggest lunch kit I have ever seen.  But, I digress.  You see that I have framed them and tried to make them cool.

Did I succeed?  Not really.  Let's see if others have.

 

 

The party picture to the left seems a lot more "interesting" and artsier than poor Trav up there who is actually interesting and artsy.  Just not when I take the picture.  And, there is no Schrute to the left, but there is a focused/unfocused artsy fartsy Apple/Mac covered desk.  

 

The self portrait to the left here doesn't have me in it, so by definition it is cooler than mine.  But, the mustache in the back takes this one to realms for which I can't even pretend to go.  And, the fridge to the right?  Well, their fridge has eyes on it's stuff.  There is no suitcase in it at all.  And, their filters seem to actually work to enhance them!  

Honestly, many times I am scrolling through I am just saying to my self out loud (because I do that), "Douche.  Douche.  Douche.  Cute.  Douche.  Jeez, you really love yourself.  Awesome.  Oh, I want to do that.  Douche.  That is such a pretty lake.  Douche.  Why don't I look like that in a bathing suit.  Douche.  Douche.  Wow, this girl really thinks she's cool.  Sweet baby.  Douche."  That's usually how it goes.  But, for some reason, I still feel unhip.  

Maybe I'm not ironic enough for Instagram.  I'm just not that hipstamatic.  Maybe it's my double chin that does it.   Or my ratty hair.  Maybe it's that I find it funny that there is a suitcase in my break room fridge and not eyeballs on my mayo.  Could it be that I am completely uncomfortable pretending I am a model doing a photo shoot because really I am just in my backyard and my friend is hold up a phone?  Or is it that I am try my hardest not to be a doucher (yes, a doucher)?  I have no idea.  All I know is that Instagram makes me feel like a grandma who's asking her 20 year old grandkid about how much they are enjoying their Pong game in 2012.  But, I guess I am okay with that because I will still take terrible pictures with unironically-not-working-with-the-subject-or-background filters on them.  So, just call me Mom Jeans because I probably won't even realize you are making fun of me.

(And, just so you know, I use the word fridge because for the life of me I have never been able to spell refridgerator correctly.  I didn't do it back there, either.  I am leaving it, so you can see that I really can't spell that stupid word.  I have no idea why.  Refridgorator.  Refridgerater.  How the fuck do you spell that!?!?  Oh, I checked. No D.  Refrigerator.  Yep, there it is.  I still won't ever be able to spell it right.)

(Parenthetical Expression 2 -sort of like a PS, but not- why is the top half of this centered?  And why can't I make it not be centered?  Wha wha.  Mom Jeans....oh, you!)



 

Stefon is so Hawkeye

I honestly hope one day I get to meet Bill Hader, so I can tell him how good he is at imitating Alan Alda.  It's spot on.  It's as if he is Alan Alda.  I appreciate that for some reason.  That's true talent.  By the way, he's funny as hell in general. But that Alan Alda thing is exceptional!

By the way, pepperoni on pizza is as delicious as every 6 year old thinks it is.

This will malfunction.  Ask the 70s.

Also, why are there no coffee vending machines anymore?  By the time I was old enough to want coffee over a coke (which is rarely), you can't find them anywhere.  And, I don't even think it is that I would want coffee.  I just want to use a coffee vending machine.  I always have.  Who didn't?  As a kid, I thought it was so awesome.  Sure, according to all television and movies of the 60s, 70s, and 80, they never actually worked correctly.  It seems the coffee always poured out before the cup was dispensed.  It also seems they were always in hospitals and newspaper offices.  I work for a rather large family of hospitals, and I have never heard of one existing.  Maybe I should go on a hunt.  That's my new life goal (taking place of my old life goal to read every historical marker in Texas).  If you know of one of these mythical machines, let me know.  I will go to there. 

Hamburger!

So, I have had a bit of a life changing week.  Not changing in a way that makes traffic stop or causes one to stop walking or win an Academy Award or anything.  But, it is changing for me. Let me take you back a bit.

Don't like carrots?  Don't read this book!

In 2004, I read a book to prove to someone that reading this book would not cause me to go vegetarian.  The book is Fast Food Nation.  I in no way thought this book was going to do a dang thing to me.  Well, I was wrong.  Before the book was finished, I was a vegetarian.

Now, I know what you are thinking.  And, no, it isn't about the animals.  I could give a fuck about the animals.  Wait, I take that back.  Some things you see are awful.  But, that wasn't the reason for my sealing  my mouth to the sweet flesh of butchered kind.  It was all about the workers rights.

Now, at the time I was on a HUGE boycotting kick.  I was super political, so boycotting things was right up my alley.  There was the Taco Bell tomato farmer slave brouhaha, so I was boycotting them (which I did until about 2 years ago when little money, a huge amount of laziness making me not want to go to the grocery store, and a hankering for a bean burrito* got the best of me.).  There were others.  Coors (which was easy since beer is yucky), McDonalds (again, that didn't last forever.  It's the fries!  They are so good!).  There were all kinds of them.  All kinds.

Okay, the veggie part came later.

Then on top of all this was an incident with my father who worked for a major chicken operation.  In my opinion, they did him wrong, as well as, all the other people doing his job.  So, that combined with reading Fast Food Nation made me decide that I would boycott the meat industry.

Vegetarian Laura was born! --------------------}

Now, I stayed a strict vegetarian for a couple of years.  On occasion I would eat fish if I really needed something "meaty" to bite into.  I know that sounds weird, but someone might know what I mean.  However, about 5 years ago, I decided to just be a pescetarian.  I mean, do you know how hard it is to find food other than side dishes at restaurants?  And, I eat out a whole lot.  So, it was easier that way.  Then I met Jody the most fabulous cook in all the land.  And, he can do some things with seafood!  So, even though I felt like a fraud, I did eat seafood.  (And, I am a gulf coast girl.  I mean, it's in my blood.  And, there's sushi.)

I'ma eat this sandwich!

Fast forward a bit more, and what do you have?  Me engaged and planning to honeymoon in New Orleans. There are so many places in the area that I wanted to eat at.  Hell, it is a major culinary destination!  There's Creole food and Cajun food (which I know is not a New Orleans thing, but it is there.).  There's Central Grocery muffalettas and the Scotch House fried chicken.  Sure Cafe Du Monde is vegetarian, but I didn't want to spend my honeymoon eating mac and cheese or side salads because all other vegetables are made with bacon and all other salads are covered in some sort of meat thing.

So, I decided to start eating meat again.  And, I have.  It started out with just one meat thing that wasn't even supposed to happen.  But it did.

You see, I was going to start training my body to eat meat again.  If you haven't had meat in a while, it will tear you up.  Just ask my butt after one disastrous meal with chicken broth all up in that bitch.. But, I felt super guilty.  Super guilty.  So, then I decided not to do it.

I gnawed a cow and loved it.

All that was changed with a trip to P. Terry's (which I harbor no ill will towards because they are so freaking good, cheaper than any other fast food,  have one of the better veggie burgers I have ever had, and cheese comes standard!!!)

So, we go to P. Terry's.  I get the veggie burger combo.  It says veggie burger combo on the receipt.  It is wrapped with a sticker that says veggie.  And, it is P. Terry's.  In all these years, I have never had any kind of order mishap.  Why would that happen now?  Well, it did.  As I am munching on my "veggie" burger, I am thinking to myself that it is the best veggie burger I have ever had.  I even say it out loud.  In doing so, I looked down and realize that it is meat!  MEAT!  I am eating a hamburger!  Holy shit.  And, the fucking thing was so good!  So, I finished it.  It was, so good, that I almost wrestled the remainder of Jody's out of his hand to eat that, too.  I didn't.  I'm a decent human being.

Go to Pho Van immediately.  But, I closes at 9.

Anyway, that was a little over a week ago.  And, I have gone all kinds of meat crazy.  I have had some vegetarian meals because there are a lot of things I do actually love.  I won't give up potato, egg, and cheese breakfast tacos.  You can't perfect that.  I still do my spaghetti with no meat because I like it a bit light.  And the #32 from Pho Van (a tofu vermicelli bowl or bun if you are all uppity) is my favorite meal on Earth.  I will never mess with a #32.  Never!

But, good lord, I didn't realize how much I have missed.  I forgot how good chicken was.  Chicken is freaking good.  And steak!  I didn't think I liked it all that much.  I do.  But, the most wonderful thing of all, the thing I didn't know I missed, is a hamburger.  I honestly want to just eat hamburgers from here on out.  Oh lord!

Now, I  must say that I feel a bit guilty, yes.  But, I will get over it.  And, I am not saying I am not going to go back to being a grazer.  But for a bit, I am going to gnaw on some meat.  I mean, it wasn't like my vegetarian lifestyle was keeping me in fighting shape.  I mean, if I was fighting an ox, maybe.  Potato chips, mac and cheese, and all kinds of pizza are vegetarian.  So, you can be big and fat and meat free.  And, a couple of days after the first meat down, I felt more energetic.  I kind think maybe I was missing a vitamin (which I am sure has nothing to do with my healthy lifestyle).

So, we are going with it for a while.  At least through my honeymoon.  Then I might go back or I might not.  I have no idea.  I do feel a bit like a traitor.  To whom or what I do not know.  All I know is that I mentioned pizza above, and I have yet to try pepperoni to remember what it tastes like.  Sounds like a good time for that!  And more hamburgers!

*When Taco Bell (and everyone else in the world) had to get rid of trans fat, it made their beans vegetarian!  Yay! 

And, here's Steve Zissou just because I love him. Well, Bill Murray.  I love them both.

Romance in Sunday School Shoes

I saw Moonrise Kingdom. It's wonderful. Very romantic. I wanted to cry at the end, but I didn't want to be a douche. It made me happy I found Jody.

My Pi Partner is My Enemy!

Mind you, this is just one round of papers that I used.

 So, my birthday is March 14.  That's 3-14 or 3.14 to some.  That's Pi.  Also born that day is mad genius (or mad stealing from his wife's genius) Albert Einstein.  We are intellectually similar because we were born on the same day (and because I made that up and say it is so).  

Last night I was introduced to Einstein's Riddle by a coworker.  How I have never heard of this, I don't know.  But, I have spent a good portion of the night working on it.  I think I know the answer, but I am not completely sure.  It's that damn water drinker part that's throwing me.  So, I am going with a guess.  I'm throwing my answer out as German, but that is mainly because I'm tired trying.  No I'm not.  I am going to take this home and work on it some more.  If nothing, I am compulsive.

So, can you do it?  Go for it.  Work on it.  Help me with this damn thing!  It's driving me nuts.  I am having trouble stopping to play Scrammble with Friends, and that's a sad addiction I have.  That should say something.  Not about the riddle, just about how pathetic I actually am!  

 Einstein's Riddle

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ALBERT EINSTEIN'S RIDDLE

ARE YOU IN THE TOP 2% OF INTELLIGENT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD? SOLVE THE RIDDLE AND FIND OUT.

There are no tricks, just pure logic, so good luck and don't give up.

1. In a street there are five houses, painted five different colours.
2. In each house lives a person of different nationality
3. These five homeowners each drink a different kind of beverage, smoke different brand of cigar and keep a different pet.

THE QUESTION: WHO OWNS THE FISH?

HINTS

1. The Brit lives in a red house.
2. The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
3. The Dane drinks tea.
4. The Green house is next to, and on the left of the White house.
5. The owner of the Green house drinks coffee.
6. The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
7. The owner of the Yellow house smokes Dunhill.
8. The man living in the centre house drinks milk.
9. The Norwegian lives in the first house.
10. The man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
11. The man who keeps horses lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill.
12. The man who smokes Blue Master drinks beer.
13. The German smokes Prince.
14. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
15. The man who smokes Blends has a neighbour who drinks water.

ALBERT EINSTEIN WROTE THIS RIDDLE EARLY DURING THE 19th CENTURY. HE SAID THAT 98% OF THE WORLD POPULATION WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO SOLVE IT.