How a Shower Pepped Up my Shower

A shower is usually the only opportunity you get to use the gifts you got at your shower!

Some sort of penis laughter is happening here.

You know you're loved if you get a blueberry ring!

Laura and Jody wedding season has kicked off.  We were treated to a wonderful shower by one super blogger and his super husband (or as the world likes to call them Jacob and Travis).  We had a great time.  There was food, fellowship, and dirty gifts!  And, as I am sure you have figured out, I love anything dirty.  Well, not like socks.  But, you get my drift.  It was a whole lot of fun.  Wanna see some of it? 

Fancy cheeses just for us!

Look how happy Jody is with me being so comfortable with a penis near my mouth.  No wonder he's marrying me!

Now, if you can get over the random placement of these pictures than keep on reading.  If not, stop now because it might get worse.

Anyway, I couldn't be more thankful to all our friends for such a great day.  And, really do have to thank Trav and Jacob for being the bestest of best friends in throwing this shindig for us.  But, they did more than just throw us a shindig.  They gave us something so super awesome! They gave us a shower radio.

Now, I know what you are thinking...shower radio?  Yep, a shower radio.  You see, I have always wanted a shower radio.  We had one when I was a wee lass, but it died when I was about 4.  So, it's been a while since I have had one.  And, when I was adding stuff to the old registry, I threw on a shower radio.  And, when I saw it, I was way more excited than one girl should be.  Really, I was.  In fact, I kinda just wanted to go buy one.  But, I didn't.

It even has AM for all my Alex Jones in the shower needs.

Lo and Behold, what did we open at the shower but a shower radio from the bestest people on Earth, Travis and Jacob!  They even included batteries (and some Dr. Pepper BBQ sauce to entice me into eating more meat).  It was shocking that of all things that turned out to be a gift (because I put literally hundreds of things on our three, yes three, registries)!

So, I get in the shower and prepare for some fun-filled dancing shower time, and do you know what I realize?  I realize that a shower radio is more than just a musical electronic that won't electricute the shit out of you while it plays, but it is also the most entertaining timer of all times.

You see, I bleach my hair.  I don't know if you can tell that about me because strkiking white blond hair is so natural on so many people over the age of 3.  But, it isn't natural.  I bleach the hell out of it at least every 6 weeks.  And, as one who tortures her hair (and has since she was about 12), it tends to be on the dry side.  So, all the conditioners and hair treatments I use have to stay on for a while. 

My latest hair fixer is a three minute hair mask.  Normally, I put it on my head and sing the final Jeopardy theme song three times (it's a minute long, as opposed to the Daily Double song which is 30 seconds).  So, I sit there humming, duh da duh duh duh da duh, duh da duh da duh duh duh duh duh duh.  You get the picture.  But, you know what now rules?  That I can just sing and dance to a song or two then rinse that hair fixer goop out!  It's awesome!  In fact, I over left it on  my hair because Bob Seger exlpaining how the night moves.  This is going to make my hair the healthiest it can be because I just want to hang out in the shower!

I want to thank everyone who came and everyone who gave us gifts.  You will get an actual thank you note not just an anonymous mention in a blog.  But,  I gotta say, I can't believe how awesome a shower radio is.  Oh, and the penis stuff, too.  That's always good!

So, You Wanna Be a Writer...

Beware the wrath of a copy editor.  Halfway through paragraph four and I have already murdered it.  But, I will make you look like the greatest writer of all time.  At least, I will try.

The red?  That's all me.  All that red to the side?  That's me commenting.  I'm just trying to make you look good, I swear.  

But, I gotta tell you, I love it.  I love ever single minute of it.  Man, grammar is fun.  And, I hope to fuck that I didn't mess mine up in this very short blog.  Bet I did. 

My Kinda Sad Kinda Bucket List

Ever Foot Needs a Good Peeling

In my life I have covered a lot of ground. Certainly, I am not a world traveler who has amazing adventures all the time, but I haven't lived a crappy life.  I have gone to and finished graduate school; I have written a book of short fiction; I have up and moved half way across the country to live amongst the hippies of San Francisco; I have jumped off a roof into a pool; I hiked up mountains in Colorado; I have watched a drug deal in the Bahamas; I have burned my feet off on a sandy Texas beach; I have gone on a date with a man I met on craigslist and lived to tell about it (and our upcoming nuptials).

I have not lived the fanciest of lives, but I have lived. But, it dawned on me tonight that I haven't done a lot of things in life.  They aren't hard things or rare things or things that would take a person a lifetime to achieve.  They are just simple things.  And, I think I can remedy some of them quiet easily.  Here's the list that I have come up with so far.

So Dewy, So Mountainy

1.  I have never had Mountain Dew.  Never.  Not once.  I claim to hate it because I do.  However, how the hell do I actually know that when I have never had it.  Easily fixed.  I can just go buy one.  I might. I might not.  I don't think my life will fall to pieces if I never taste the dew of some green-yellow mountain.  But it might.

2.  I have never gone camping.  Never.  Not once.  I have never slept outside under the stars.  I have never grilled over an open campfire unless you count one in someone's back yard that I probably got someone else to grill over for me.  At this point in my life, I would really like to camp.  I don't really go for that sort of thing because it's outside.  And, that's where the nature and the grass is.  And the no toilets.  But, for the past couple of years, I have really wanted to do it.  I think it would be good for me.  If you want to encourage this, just go to our wedding registry.  I registered for a bunch of camping stuff.  I don't think we will get it, but if we do I will go. I would feel guilty if I didn't.

3.  I have never seen Top Gun.  I probably won't be on getting this one done.  I have a real dislike for Tom Cruise.  I could have seen Top Gun at anytime at this point, but I never have.  Heck, I had access to a million movies for years at my sister's video store.  And, I have had Netflix since 2006.  It's Tom Cruise.  I just can't watch it because of him.  I tend to avoid him at all costs.  I don't want Xenu to snatch up my brain.  So, though I have done this one, I probably won't.

4.  I have never owned a new car.  Now, this one is going to be a little tougher to have happen.  In fact, it is not going to happen any time soon.  I don't mind.  One day maybe.  But, that's a big responsibility and a big, ole car payment.  Not for me right now especially since the truck is still kicking.  Maybe one day I will be a fancy lady in a new car.  Maybe.

5.  I have never eaten lobster.  Again, I could do this this week, I am sure.  But, I still think it odd that I have never eaten it.  It's out there.  It's available.  I've just never gotten around to it.  Maybe I can have a lobster/Mountain Dew feast this weekend!  I mean, there is a seafood lover in me.  So, maybe I'll make it a party!

6.  I have never had a professional pedicure.  Heck, I have only had a manicure once, and that was back when I went to the prom.  But, pedicures have not blessed these toes.  Sure, I cut and paint my toenails all the time.  They are cute!  I keep them that way.  But, there is nothing more I would love than having someone do it for me.  For some reason, though, I can't seem to bring myself to do it.  I feel bad for the person having to touch my feet.  Ugh.  It makes me so uncomfortable.  One day I want a pedicure.  Once I get over the guilt, I will try it out.

Laura, We're All Happy Here!

7.  I have never been to a Disney place.  Dammit!  I will go to a Disney place.  I want to go to Disneyland so bad.  You people have no idea.  I (as a 36 year old woman) want to throw a hissy fit every time I hear of some kid getting to go to Disneyland.  They won't appreciate it like I will!  They won't!  Take me.  I'm more fun than some dumb 7 year old.  I don't care if it is your kid.  I'm better.  Take me!  (There's that tantrum I spoke of.)  Unfortunately, Disneyland is more expensive than a new car.  So, here's to one day striking it rich or moving to Orlando and getting a job as Goofy or something.  Man, I want to go to Disneyland.

Well, there's a start of things I have never done.  I might continue this in later blogs if I can think of more.  I mean, there are many more.  So so so so many more things I have never done.  Of course, I might not add to it because I have a short attention span.  Feel free to let me know things you haven't done. I  would like to know who else hasn't done such droll and normal things.  Maybe it isn't just me.  It probably is, but I hope not.