How a Shower Pepped Up my Shower

A shower is usually the only opportunity you get to use the gifts you got at your shower!

Some sort of penis laughter is happening here.

You know you're loved if you get a blueberry ring!

Laura and Jody wedding season has kicked off.  We were treated to a wonderful shower by one super blogger and his super husband (or as the world likes to call them Jacob and Travis).  We had a great time.  There was food, fellowship, and dirty gifts!  And, as I am sure you have figured out, I love anything dirty.  Well, not like socks.  But, you get my drift.  It was a whole lot of fun.  Wanna see some of it? 

Fancy cheeses just for us!

Look how happy Jody is with me being so comfortable with a penis near my mouth.  No wonder he's marrying me!

Now, if you can get over the random placement of these pictures than keep on reading.  If not, stop now because it might get worse.

Anyway, I couldn't be more thankful to all our friends for such a great day.  And, really do have to thank Trav and Jacob for being the bestest of best friends in throwing this shindig for us.  But, they did more than just throw us a shindig.  They gave us something so super awesome! They gave us a shower radio.

Now, I know what you are thinking...shower radio?  Yep, a shower radio.  You see, I have always wanted a shower radio.  We had one when I was a wee lass, but it died when I was about 4.  So, it's been a while since I have had one.  And, when I was adding stuff to the old registry, I threw on a shower radio.  And, when I saw it, I was way more excited than one girl should be.  Really, I was.  In fact, I kinda just wanted to go buy one.  But, I didn't.

It even has AM for all my Alex Jones in the shower needs.

Lo and Behold, what did we open at the shower but a shower radio from the bestest people on Earth, Travis and Jacob!  They even included batteries (and some Dr. Pepper BBQ sauce to entice me into eating more meat).  It was shocking that of all things that turned out to be a gift (because I put literally hundreds of things on our three, yes three, registries)!

So, I get in the shower and prepare for some fun-filled dancing shower time, and do you know what I realize?  I realize that a shower radio is more than just a musical electronic that won't electricute the shit out of you while it plays, but it is also the most entertaining timer of all times.

You see, I bleach my hair.  I don't know if you can tell that about me because strkiking white blond hair is so natural on so many people over the age of 3.  But, it isn't natural.  I bleach the hell out of it at least every 6 weeks.  And, as one who tortures her hair (and has since she was about 12), it tends to be on the dry side.  So, all the conditioners and hair treatments I use have to stay on for a while. 

My latest hair fixer is a three minute hair mask.  Normally, I put it on my head and sing the final Jeopardy theme song three times (it's a minute long, as opposed to the Daily Double song which is 30 seconds).  So, I sit there humming, duh da duh duh duh da duh, duh da duh da duh duh duh duh duh duh.  You get the picture.  But, you know what now rules?  That I can just sing and dance to a song or two then rinse that hair fixer goop out!  It's awesome!  In fact, I over left it on  my hair because Bob Seger exlpaining how the night moves.  This is going to make my hair the healthiest it can be because I just want to hang out in the shower!

I want to thank everyone who came and everyone who gave us gifts.  You will get an actual thank you note not just an anonymous mention in a blog.  But,  I gotta say, I can't believe how awesome a shower radio is.  Oh, and the penis stuff, too.  That's always good!

I Want This Chicken!

Just tell me this is not fantastic. I need it! It's imperative to my life. Someone get me one! I know others have them. The Blogess does. I need one, too. I can't believe it actually exists. And it is six minutes from my house!

Yay

Do this be working? I mean it's an app, donut might not. Wow. Donut, huh? That was supposed to be the word so. But I'm leaving it donut because that just proves this blog is a genius. It knows I want a donut. I mean, who doesn't! 💩🍰.

I've also decided to see if this little emoticon thing works. If it does, yes that says poop cake. If not, it's pictures of poop and cake. It's sort of like a donut.

And there is a picture button! Wonder how that works. Let's try it.

Okay, let's check this bitch out on the actual onlines. Yehaw to it working. Well, if it does. I don't know why, but it excites me.

So, You Wanna Be a Writer...

Beware the wrath of a copy editor.  Halfway through paragraph four and I have already murdered it.  But, I will make you look like the greatest writer of all time.  At least, I will try.

The red?  That's all me.  All that red to the side?  That's me commenting.  I'm just trying to make you look good, I swear.  

But, I gotta tell you, I love it.  I love ever single minute of it.  Man, grammar is fun.  And, I hope to fuck that I didn't mess mine up in this very short blog.  Bet I did. 

People are assfaces sometimes!

This may be too much info, but I don't care. It is my blog. And if I want to talk about gross things, I can. Mandy, close your eyes now...

Okay, I work 12 to 13 hour shifts at work. Sometimes during these shifts, one must use the facilities, if you get my drift. I mean, "use" the facilities. I am being tactful here.

So, on occasion one must go. And if one where me, one can't go with anyone else in the bathroom. It ain't happening. I will sit there dying, but I will not go! I can't. I really just can't. Can't have any sort of an audience.

So, when this happens I try to wait out the people in the bathroom. What kills me is when people don't leave. You know when someone is in a stall waiting for some privacy. When I am that person not in the stall, I hurry my ass up before others come in because I know the stall person needs a moment. I get in and out. Give that person a moment alone.

Not where I work! Not at all. Today, (okay, y'all, I had to poop today. I let the secret out! I poop!) I went in a sat down. Of course, someone walks in behind me. Dang! She tinkles then proceeds to take 1 minute and 17 seconds (I was timing with my phone and counting in my head) to wash her stupid hands, dry them off with apparently 92303489 paper towels, and leave. Why? Did she pee all over her arms and hands? Does she have to look in the mirror for 30 seconds? What the hell, lady! Get the fuck out! I almost screamed it. I really did.

People, go to the bathroom and get out, especially if you know someone is in there and has to go. 1 minute 17 seconds is a long time to sit on the pot and not go when you really, really have to! I mean, I only go when absolutely necessary in public. So, come on. Would you not want someone to leave you alone for a moment? That is far too much time to spend washing your danged hands. And all the paper towels? You damn tree killer! Come on. Get the fuck out of the bathroom!

Okay, that is my rant. I have no idea why people just don't show a little bit of kindness by washing their hands and getting the hell out. You know when someone has to go. So, let them go for Christ's sake! It's the only decent thing to do.

Okay, enough of my rant. But, keep in mind next time you want to spend five minutes in the bathroom just screwing around that others might really have to go and would rather gouge their eyes out with broken glass than have to go when others are around. Be kind, rewind, People!

Thank you, and goodnight!

I'm pretty!

I've always wanted an Afro! And, this is what I would look like with one. I actually like it. I think I might go for it one day.

Boy, I sure am pretty!