Well, since I decided to write more often, my computer died.  Actually, it died whilst I was taking Jody to the airport to go on tour. He is home now, had a good time.  I still don't have a computer, but I get by with the old Blackberry.  But, it's too hard to blog on.

Nothing much going on.  Yesterday was our 3rd anniversary.  We had a great day!  I love that goober so much.  We had a great day.  Sushi, Catfish (and an exciting impromptu double date with Richard and Haily), tacos, donuts, a trip to the naughty store, and so much more!

Gotta jetski right now, but I might be back!

I So Wish I could Breath

Dearest Allergins of Austin, TX:

Please go away.  Please!  Just for an hour or so.  I mean, sure, you have every right to be here.  But, you are killing me.  No amount of Wal-Greens brand Claritin can make you stop killing my head, lungs, eyes, nose, and brain.  Sure, I can't afford the real army, I have to go with the army reserves.  But, give me a chance.  How many days must I wave the white flag before you give your white flag a flying?  An hour?  A ten minutes?  An anything!  Oh, you're killing me!

Sincerely,

Drippy Stopped Up Face Laura
AKA
Sneezing So Much I am Nearly Tinkling in my Pants
AKA
Ugh

Timber!!!!

In the long running tradition of Laura's incredible bad luck with places to live, I present the latest. Two (yes two) trees have fallen on my backyard! One doing considerable damage to the the back shed and the fence, the other just kinda ruffling up the clothes line. Mind you, neither of these trees are in our yard.  Both are trees of different neighbors!  Also, I have no idea how, but neither the dogs nor I heard that big sucker fall.  Can you believe that?  I slept through it!

So, in my great experiences that include hail breaking out every window, a sewage filled bedroom, a rat infestation, a burst pipe flood, a roof that leaked so much that there was a only a two foot space near the front door that was habitable whilst it rained, no toilet, no toilet again (and the plumber forgetting to come put it back in until we reminded them), a completely slanted house, no wiring on one half of the house, a crazy roach invasion, and The Zodiac Killer just to name a few, I give you the falling trees of 2010.

Whoa is me!

I'm telling you. I decide to start writing in my blog again, and guess what happens. My dog kills my computer. Yes, I get back from taking the sexy pot to the airport, and dumb old Schneider decided he wanted to sleep on the coffee table. He turned it into some sort of Mousetrap game that ended up with a big, old cup of watered down Coke to be dumped in the computer shorting out the motherboard. Ah, isn't that fab!?! And since the other ding-a-ling, Gus, decided the other day that no one should watch TV by chewing up the remote (of a digital converter box with no channel changing capabilities on the box and no available replacement remote available for purchase). Super fun! So, I have read a whole lot and done a bunch of laundry in the past few days. It's super fun at my house right now! Thank goodness for my phone and it's wondrous Internet options. But, it certainly isn't as fun as having an actual computer.

Other than that, all has been awesome. We got a great new house! Did you read that correctly? HOUSE! As in, no one is attached to us in any way! Hurray! It's a cute old house. In fact, here it is...


It is really cute! It needs a bit of sprucing up. I want some flowers and plants and whatnot around the porch. We have some work to do on the inside. I have been planning on painting the inside, but now that all extra cash is going to the "Laura needs some entertainment" fund, I am waiting a couple of weeks. I also don't have a clue as to what flowers to plant that will survive this everlasting 103 degree weather we are having. Oh, how I want some flowers or plants or something! I will get to it. We still haven't unpacked everything yet. Oh, it is so easy to get behind. But, I love the house. It's adorable. You should come and visit sometime!

Nothing too much else to report. The Jodster is in LA tonight making the music with Ruby Dee and the Snakehandlers. He's a Snakehandler. I've been told I am one myself. Oh, that was a jab at myself! But, it was funny. Anyway, he's off making sweet tunes for the East Coast. Lucky bastard. It's only 71 there.

So, off I am. I will update more tomorrow because I will be at a computer. So more tomorrow! Maybe I will finish another book. Dang, I feel so 1993.

Okay, Here We Go Again!

Well, it has been some time since I have written in my blog. And I thought today that what a better time to start than now. I started this blog with a move. And, guess what I just did? Imagine. Moving again. Also, in about 30 minutes I am taking Jody to the airport for a tour up the west coast with one of his new bands. Let me tell you, all kinds of things have gone down since that night long ago when I was bleaching my hair (including rebleaching my hair). So, soon I will be writing again! In fact, I would write more now, but I should probably get in gear to take my fellow to the airport. But, I will be back. Oh, don't you worry, I will be back!

Well, This Blog has Gone into the Shitter

I have been super lazy about this blog. Well, not lazy, if you will. But, I have been busy doing nothing at all except working. How cool is that. I don't even think I see actual people anymore. Well, my coworkers. Luckily, I like them.

Oh, and I haven't been in the writing mood. Maybe I will be later. But, look, I got a new layout. Maybe. I haven't checked it. I just clicked apply to some new things. Hurray. Aren't I good! I am so tech savvy.

Bleach is the Word!

Nothing smells as fancy as hair with a little bit of bleach in it. Whew! It's like death vapor in my nose. Sure, I know you are stunned that I bleach my hair. I mean, platinum is a natural color for so many. But, I do. And after 21 years of doing it, you would think I would be used to the smell. But it seems incredibly chemically today. Hope I don't burn it off!

Guess Who Has Two Thumbs and Can't Sleep?

This girl!









Well, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. Good lord, I can't sleep. Jody is in the other room snoozing away. I was previously snoozing away. But, the dog woke me up. And I woke up wide assed awake! So, my maybe 30 minutes of sleep has turned into super awake Laura. Hurray.

Now, I did everything a girl can do to go to sleep. We went to bed and cuddled and what not and hmmmm and everything. Then the sleeping started. Then it stopped. Jodster can fall right back to sleep. Not me. Nope! I am going to stay awake until the sun comes up. I know this because that is my normal sleeping hours.

So, here I sit at 6am. Thank goodness for Celebrity Sober House 2! I would have nothing to do if I didn't have messes of "celebrities" to watch. It's pretty awesome. But, I sure wish I could sleep during dark hours. Life would be much more eventful if I did.

I Love Them

I Did Not Like LOST

It's depressing. All those years, and that is how they wrapped it up? Blah.

LOST in Love

Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow is the day in which my life will change forever. Tomorrow is the final episode of LOST.

I am so thrilled that I can barely stand it. I am finally going to get an explanation to questions, mysteries, and flat out confusing scenarios. I will finally find out what the hell is going on! I have very little idea what is actually happening on a show I have watched for six years. That's a hard thing to do, keep all your viewers guessing. And I can't wait to find out how wrong I am in all my theories, as all but one so far has been disproved.

I am so super bananapants excited. The viewing and celebration shall start tomorrow at Travis and Jacob's at 5:30. It will extend well into the evening. There will be food, drink, and probably lots of talking and rewinding.

The only problem I have is what am I going to do next? When The Sopranos ended, I still had LOST. When this ends, I got nothing. What am I going to do with my Tuesday evenings? I will be wayward and without an obsession. But, I do not mind because finally I will be able to understand what the hell is going on!

The Shoe is NOT on the Other Foot

I saw a shoe, today, in the middle of the road. Just one shoe. One lone tennis shoe.

Every time I see a lone shoe or boot or flip flop (never a high heel) on the road, I wonder how it got there. Did it fall out of a car or off the back of a truck? Did someone get run over, and the police forgot to grab that shoe? Did it just fall off someone's foot, and somehow they didn't notice? Did some meanie take someone's shoe and throw it in the road?

I know you people (Mandy and Tammy and occasionally Diana) have had to have seen this. I am very curious as to how they got there. I think if I were psychic, I would use my power to find out what happened to the foot that belonged in that shoe. Hopefully, it wouldn't still be in the shoe itself.

Is This Wrong?

Everyday at work I use the handicap button on the main entrance to get into my building. I never just open the door myself. I always press the handicap button. I do it when I leave, as well. I do say "Thank you, Sir" when I walk through. I mean, if someone is opening the door for me (i.e. the handicap symbol), I like to thank them. But, is that just wrong?

Just One of the Reasons I Hate Apartments!

Neighbors are too damn close!

Okay, just tell me if this is weird. We have new neighbors. They have been there a month. They are a bunch of young girls and their boyfriends. No big deal. I don't know their names. We have never been introduced. The only thing I know about them is that they go in and out about 32 times a day, and they love to play Guitar Hero very loudly. That's fine. They couldn't be more than 20, so that's fine.

Today, one of the girls knocked on the door. Now, I was asleep, but Jody was awake. As any normal person would do, he ignored it. He knew it was the neighbor and the last time he answered for them we had to give them sugar and eggs. Again, no biggie, but he just didn't feel like dealing with her. So, he ignored it.

Well, that wasn't good enough. She decided to knock louder. The dogs are going nuts. I wake up (though I didn't move). He answers the door. And our dear sweet neighbor who we don't know in any asks to borrow our vacuum cleaner.

What? Really? You ask someone you do not know to borrow their vacuum cleaner. Now, I don't know if I am weird or assholey or what, but doesn't that seem like an odd or maybe even inappropriate thing to ask a neighbor for? I mean, if you know you neighbor, fine. I used to bum my friends Jason and Zack's vacuum, but we hung out every day for four years! We have no idea who you are except the girl who takes 7 out of the 10 parking spaces allotted to our building. What kinda stupid question is that?

Of course, Jody says no. He tells her it is broken. She then goes on about how hers broke and put piles of dirt all over the floor. Yep, well, ours is still "broken."

Maybe I am not very neighborly. Maybe I am just a dick. But, why in the world would I let a stranger borrow my vacuum cleaner? It almost seems gross.

I can't wait to move!

What the Poopshoot is Wrong with me?

Since I graduated with my masters in Creative Writing (well, English with a concentration in creative writing), I haven't written a word. Not a single word. Well, sure, there is the occasional blog and the usual witty facebook status update. But, creatively, I ain't done squat.

My warning...Before you study something you love, make sure you love it enough to not get burned out (burnt out?) after doing it constantly for a couple of years.

Ugh.

Conway Twitty can be Awful Creepy

Day, day, day. I slept really late through lots of rain. Enchiladas y Mas with a friend. Hanging out and watching Wife Swap and Hee Haw with Jody and another friend. A lovely evening breakfast from Sonic. Home for some Mystery Science Theater and hunka hunka burning love Jody. Now, up too late watching TMZ and annoying my sleeping dogs. All in all, a pretty great day.

Bak, Bak, Baaaagak!

Tonight, as most nights, the Jodster and I hung out over at Trav and Jacob's. And, as per our usual, we played a game (because that is the kind of dork group we are). Tonight we played a game that I have heard of but never played. It is Chickenfoot. And, oh my gosh it is fun!

So, when Jody and I were out in the cabin in the woods, I think this was part of the domino game we couldn't figure out. I sure wish we had because it is damn fun. Sure, it took us like 2 hours, but it was so worth it. It was super ass fun. It is totally going on the Catan, Clue, Mall Madness, Monopoly side of the game table. I can't wait to play again. I didn't win, but it was still fun. And I am a sore loser!

So, anytime anyone wants to play Chickenfoot (the game, not the crappy band) give me a call! I shall chickenfoot it whilst making the most fabulous chicken noises! Hurray!

By the way, if anyone knows what this Mexican Train game that accompanies it is, let me know. Sure we could read the directions, but who wants to do that. I truly don't want to ruin the image in my head of what I believe a Mexican train is...I'm such a perv!

Back in the Saddle Again

So, it seems I have done gone and got old or something. Like that? That's my Channelview grammar.

Anyway, I feel like I am old, to say the least. Let me tell you why.

Friday before last, Jody had a show at Trophy's. He played his little heart out. And being the doting band girlfriend, I went along, as did Trav and Jacob. Now, being that I am seeing a band in a bar, I had to look my hoochiest. Well, not my hoochiest, but hoochie enough. So, I wore a new bra that put my boobs right up under my head and a new pair of motorcycle boots that have a bit of a heel. Now, mind you, this isn't the highest heels I have. And they are certainly not the highest heels I have ever worn to see my fellow beat on some drums. So, I stood there on my boots with my boobs up where they were when I was 15. It was fun. I screamed, I clapped, I hooted.

Now skip to the next morning or actually afternoon. I wake up, but I can't move. Like at all. Pain is shooting through my back. I truly think I am dying. Now, let me let you in on something here...I am a stubborn mule. I try not to ask for help. I think I could be in a car, upside down in a river, and it would take me a while to call 911 just because I don't want to be a bother. Really, I am like that. Anyway, I can't freaking move.

Now, I have to pee like a son of a bitch because I just woke up. So, I kind of roll my way off the bed, and I use the hamper for a makeshift walker. Poor hamper. But, I get to the bathroom, and then I can't get off the toilet. At this point I holler for Jody. It was so bad. It was so bad that I immediately called in for work. And I am not a call in for worker. Really, I'm not.

I have a terrible back ache for a few days. Then I wake up one morning a couple of days later, Jody stretches out my legs, and I feel fine! It ruled. So, I go about my day, do a dance of joy, wiggle around, act like a tard, and guess what? I suddenly can't move again. Oh, what a fool I am.

So, it isn't going away, and I am dying in pain. So last Friday, a whole week later, I make a doctor's appointment. Now, if you think I am stubborn with asking for help, I am equally as stubborn about going to the doctor. I don't know why I am like this, but I am. It's stupid, and I know it. So, I broke down and went.

Well, it turns out I have pulled a muscle in my lower back! Hurray! And, the doctor can actually tell when he bends me all up and presses on things. So, he tells me to just lay down for a few days, take my muscle relaxers he gave me, and not do anything.

Now, it was mother's day weekend. And my mom and sister were coming down (we had lots of fun, by the way. I'll tell you more about that later.). I could take it easy. I could lay down for a few days! And I certainly didn't have the 12 hours the doctor told me I would need if I took a muscle relaxer. I still haven't had time to lay down for even half a day. Hell, I only get about 11 hours between work shifts, if I'm lucky. And I had a busy weekend. My plan is to chill tomorrow and Thursday. Maybe. I have a hard time sitting still. I don't know why, but I do.

But, I am feeling better, although I haven't done much to help the situation. In the last 4 days I did take 1 muscle relaxer which truly helped. So, I shall take one this morning, and sleep my brains out. And hopefully, this death back ache will go away. And maybe I will stop being stubborn. Probably not, but maybe!

Is this what getting old is? If so, I don't like it one bit. Ugh. I swear. This ain't cool!

Yacht Rock Me, Amadeus!

Yacht Rock 12 is out! And is it the end, or is it the beginning?



For those not in the know, Yacht Rock is the greatest series of shorts ever created by man. They are all about the smooth music of the 70's created by Loggins, McDonald, Cross, Hall and Oates, etc. This music is so smooth, it is called Yacht Rock. I highly suggest you start at #1 and work you way to #12 (although, you can skip the Jethro Tull one. One, it's kinda boring. And two, it's about Jethro Tull. Yuck.)

Believe me, if you venture into the smooth seas of Yacht Rock, you will not be disappointed. Well, unless you don't have my same sense of humor. Then you might be. But, it's fucking awesome, so I don't know how you can be! So, get your dick out of your heart, and watch it!

By the way, if you type Yacht Rock into youtube, the suggestion of History of the Third Reich comes up. I find that odd.

I Ain't Got No Germy Hands!

Today the Jodster and I were treated to a fine meal at the Mighty Fine by David and Steve, two of the funnest people ever. I had never been there. It was pretty good. I got the "salad sandwich" with cheese. That's just a cheeseburger without meat. I got some crinkle cut fries and a coke. It was Mighty Fine, if I do say so myself.

Now, the best part of this meal was the hand washing station in the dining room. It was like a water massage for your arms! It was incredible!

You stick your arms in, it shoots water out on you, and you can keep your arms in there for as long as you want! Then, you get a sticker! It's awesome. I highly recommend going for the hand wash. Did I mention the free stickers? They say "I have clean hands!"

This place is pretty tasty. But, you must go for the arm water massage and stickers! It's a must!

By the way, Party Down in the funniest show on TV. Don't trust me, trust the laughter that will come flowing out of your mouth involuntarily when you watch it. I'm just saying.

Let's Bowl!

It seems I have gone uberly boring. Or else, I have forgotten how to type and use my brain at the same time. Either way, I think Farmville has sucked the life out of my blog. So, I must go forth and write about my exciting life before I forget I have one.

Not much been going on here in the land of the ATX (I hate when people use ATX). Saw Jody play a few times. Worked a whole buttload. Watched some incredibly dull movies. Watch out for The Lovely Bones. It's a piece of wrinkly butt.

Nothing new going on at all. I threw out my back. Seems a new bra with your boobs hiked up to your chin couple with new slightly heeled motorcycle boots will throw off your stance whilst you stand watching your hot piece of man meat beat on some drums.

It seems I am getting too fat and too old to look all hoochie like at a bar and come away unscathed. Oh 34, how I love you so! That caused me to spend a butt numbing day in bed hopped up on a borrowed hydrocodone and watching hour after hour of Rick Bayless teaching me how to make Mexican food. The fact that he over pronounced all the Spanish words got old after a while. I mean, come on, Rick! Do yo have to say EnCHEEEEEELATHA? Can't you just say enchilada. You are a white person from Chicago. And if you keep sounding that authentically Mexican, an Arizonian police person might pop out of nowhere and send you packing! And, I guess chorizo and jalapenos aren't available to everyone at the HEB. But, are they really that rare to find outside of the southwest?

Well, boobs to Rick Bayless. At least it isn't Rick Steves! His show is "Europe through the Back Door. I don't think it takes me to give you a joke to insert there. I mean, how can the title alone not just crack a smile. Come on, you're laughing! You know you are!

Good lord, what a dork. I am showing here that I have no cable. Man, does that make me lame? I am sure it does. But, I have internet. Who needs cable when you can watch everything online? Of course, I would love cable. I would love a DVR. But, I think we are doing just fine with the online. (Can I get my balls mailed to me on the online? Inside joke).

Well, there you have it. Random thoughts about absolutely nothing. Good Lord! What has become of my mush brain? I think I am going to quit now. They are weighing people on Dr. Oz. And that's way more important than thinking!

Good morning, one and all!

People on Ludes Should Not Drive!

If I was a multimillionaire, the one thing I would do first would be to act on my road rage. I think I might go around ramming people who drive 23 in a 45 or the people who ride their brakes. Don't they get that they can just let off the gas? You will slow down (to 23 in a 45). Ugh. I hate other drivers. I should be the only one on the road because I am a fabulous driver! Haha!

That being said, I wish I was a multimillionaire.

I Just Want to Eat my Rice!

So, I hate things. Lots of things. I could go on and on and on and on and on about how I hate things. I hate are the following:

The perforated edge of a box on items that you are supposed to be able to punch in with your thumb or finger in order to make the product in the box pourable from the box. Here are a couple of examples:




Now, I have tried to do this many times. Whether it foil, mac and cheese, rice products, Cracker Jacks, what have you, this does not work! It just dents the box. You can even get after it with a knife. That just cuts the box. You still can't get the dam thing to actually press in. And Heaven for bid it is a press and pull! That really never works. I always end up having to rip the damn top of the box open.

Why is this on a box? It seems to me that companies could skip this and save a ton of money. I bet the crappy perforating machine costs a shitload! And the design of the font, colors, and the like...that has to cost money! I vote just get rid of it all together. I know that no matter how hard I try, I won't be able to push it in. Therefore, my foil will go flying across the kitchen, unrolling, and getting all messed up. Hmmmm, maybe that's the idea. It makes you waste product!

In this old ass ad, it actually works!

I wonder why I can't make it work. I mean, I am not retarded. I have a masters degree. I think I can work a box. But, alas, I can not. I think it's because they make it damn impossible. Bad perforation, if you ask me!

And that is something I hate!

We are Woodsy!

Here are some of the fancy photos of our trip. Yes, we are an amazingly hot couple. I know you may have a hard time staring at such glaring beauty, so I added a lot of scenery. This trip was super fun! I wonder where we will go next. Man, it is so fun to date your best friend. It really is!




















And here is a spectacular video of Jody become the first ever World Champion of Cabin (the game we made up when we realized we couldn't remember how to play dominoes)...

I Was Country When Country Wasn't Cool....

I have been a super lazy bum when it comes to blogging lately. I have no idea why. I love to talk about myself. So, I am just chalking it up to lazy because if there is any for sure thing in life, it is that I am lazy!

Lots of things have gone on. And nothing has gone on. I will say that I had the greatest weekend getaway to a cabin built in 1840 this last weekend. It's called the New Tracks Log Cabin. It was fab! It was old, rustic, smelly (in a good musty way), had no TV, had no radio, had a great boyfriend, and was just awesome.

We had some really awesome alone time together. I will post pictures. You know how you really love someone? You can deal with them for two days with no TV, and you don't fight! We had a LOT of "couple" time (wink, wink). We tried to play dominoes, but we couldn't remember how. Luckily, tucked away in a bag was a set of D & D dice (shut up, don't laugh. I know!). With those, we made up the super funnest game on Earth! CABIN! Jody became the first World Champion of Cabin. There is some very good video of this. I will post it later.

We went into Wimberley one day to hang out. We went to Pioneer Town. Again, I have pictures that I will post later. I haven't uploaded them yet. Anyway, Pioneer Town was fun. Quiet, desolate, and empty (said for a birthday party we accidentally walked in to). That was how it was when I went when I was a little kid. I guess things never change.

We then went to a pretty decent Italian restaurant called Marco's for dinner. We went to a few other places first. However, everything in Wimberley closes at 7. So, we ended up here. It was pretty good. We had a nutty little waitress named Laura! and a neighboring table with the most horrible woman sitting at it. Really, she was what I would refer to as a c*nt. And I don't use that word lightly. But, my goodness, she was mean. She kept embarrassing her kids (who sat silently and without movement) in front of anyone who would listen. She had this awful look on her face! And she kept being mean to those damn kids. The rest of her party (I assume her husband and parents) sat at the other end of the table looking down the whole time. They were one happy family. Being the audience, though was quite entertaining. Boy, she was awful. Luckily, my Eggplant Parmesan was not. It was really good!

We did a lot of drinking. Imagine that! But, not too much that we were sick. Well, I take that back. I had a moment on Wimberley night. But, after a few shots of tequila (the prize in rolling a certain number in CABIN), I had to sit out a few rounds staring at the toilet. But, alas, it passed, and joy returned! Also, the people who owned the cabin left us a fabulous bottle of wine (and an incredible continental breakfast of, I kid you not, four kinds of pastries, four kinds of cereal, yogurt, milk, orange juice, kolaches, coffee, apples, enormous homemade fruit salads, and all kinds of teas. It was so much food!).

All in all, it was a really great weekend. It was so secluded and in the woods. We say three cars and two people on bikes the whole time we were there. You have no idea what kind of good that can do a person! It was so cool!

Other than that, just been living life. I will post pictures later. And, I will write more because who doesn't want to know everything there is to know about me? Ha!

Tippy Hedren, I am Not

Whilst sleeping this late morning, a bird flew into our room! We had the window open. Craziest thing I have ever seen. I didn't have my glasses on, so it scared the hell out of me. Damn thing bouncing off walls. It was like a big blur of craziness! Jody got it out. But, man, it was an exciting three minutes!

By the Way, Roseart Colors Suck!

My hiatus (due to laziness because you know I was on the computer) in pictures.