It Seems I Forgot How to Type

Ah, long time no type. I have absolutely no idea how long ago I wrote anything in my blog (that's simply because I didn't look at the last post before I started typing). I also have no idea why I haven't written in so long.  It's probably because I don't think I am too interesting.  I mean, really?  Other than Elvira, Mistress of the Dark and Tony Orlando-who really is, right?

Alas, I have decided to take to writing about my fabulous life in fabulous Austin, TX.  I have decided to write about my fabulous job and fabulous dogs and fabulous man and fabulous pants.  If it comes off as not so fabulous, that is because it either isn't or you are dumb.  I take it that you being dumb is not the reason.  In fact, if you are this far, you are at least somewhat functionally literate.  Therefore, you are not dumb.

Things have happened.  I live in a house.  I live in the ghetto in a house.  I love living in the ghetto in a house with my awesome Jody who still loves me like I am an Eiffel Tower made of Moon Pies and RC Cola.  And I still love him as if he were the same.  You can't imagine how much people can love some Eiffel Tower made of Moon Pies and RC Cola.  One can love it a whole heck of a lot!

Still working at the same place.  Still driving the same half doped trucked.  Still wearing some raggedy pair of Converse or another.  Still blond and fat and mouthy.  I haven't lost any appendages.  So, I feel life is pretty freakin' awesome!

One thing I did realize about myself in the last little while is that I am amazing at getting free stuff.  Not like cars or houses or anything.  Just random free stuff.  Because of this-for many years-I have felt like checking the mail is Christmas!  It's even better now that I have opted out of all paper bills.  So, I don't even get stinky news in the mail (except that Quality Book Club bill that I refuse to pay because they refused to cancel me and then sent me 2 books costing $109.00!  Whatever! I canceled that, and I will not pay.  Buttheads!).  I think, in fact, that I am really good at getting free things.  I always have been.  So, as a fun little blog thing (what would you call that?) I will be posting pictures of free stuff I get.  If I can remember where I got them, I will add that, too.  I mean, who doesn't want a free thing!  But usually I forget.  So, don't count on that.

I got this today:

Yes, I got an "I ♥ Pyrex" hot pad.  Yes, it is hanging on the wall.  We have no drawer space in this house, so that is where they all go.  The stove is right over there →.  I just don't around hanging over mitts on my wall.  Well, actually, I would.  In fact, that might be kinda cute. 

Anyway, that's what I got today.  I could post the Apron from some tomato company I got yesterday or the sample of Miralax I got the day before.  I don't know that I need Miralax because I am pretty good at pooping without any help.  But, you never know when you might need it!  See, nothing fancy, but free stuff.  Christmas mailbox all year long!

Okay, so as you can tell, I, like many humans, don't have much of an exciting life.  In fact, it doesn't change much.  I guess that is good.  I am pretty okay with it.  Oh, we did jump into the 21st Century and got a flat screen TV!  Hurray!  Who knew PBS could look so fancy.  We don't have cable.  Hence, the PBS viewing.  But, we do got a fancy TV to watch all the network television we can handle. 

This is enough for a first blog back.  I have no idea who the hell is going to read it.  I think only 4 people did before I stopped.  But, it's kinda fun to write which is why I got a whole Masters Degree in it.  That is probably why I stopped.  Man, that much schooling in something really kills it for a time.  You should see how crappy I am at reading books now.  I read too many in undergrad and grad school to even half care about it anymore.  I still do it, just not as much as I should.  Oh, but don't we all have something like that?  I have that and my big, fat ass.  But, who doesn't.

Bye for now.  More ramblings of a half crazy, half boring broad later!

I Was Country When Country Wasn't Cool....

I have been a super lazy bum when it comes to blogging lately. I have no idea why. I love to talk about myself. So, I am just chalking it up to lazy because if there is any for sure thing in life, it is that I am lazy!

Lots of things have gone on. And nothing has gone on. I will say that I had the greatest weekend getaway to a cabin built in 1840 this last weekend. It's called the New Tracks Log Cabin. It was fab! It was old, rustic, smelly (in a good musty way), had no TV, had no radio, had a great boyfriend, and was just awesome.

We had some really awesome alone time together. I will post pictures. You know how you really love someone? You can deal with them for two days with no TV, and you don't fight! We had a LOT of "couple" time (wink, wink). We tried to play dominoes, but we couldn't remember how. Luckily, tucked away in a bag was a set of D & D dice (shut up, don't laugh. I know!). With those, we made up the super funnest game on Earth! CABIN! Jody became the first World Champion of Cabin. There is some very good video of this. I will post it later.

We went into Wimberley one day to hang out. We went to Pioneer Town. Again, I have pictures that I will post later. I haven't uploaded them yet. Anyway, Pioneer Town was fun. Quiet, desolate, and empty (said for a birthday party we accidentally walked in to). That was how it was when I went when I was a little kid. I guess things never change.

We then went to a pretty decent Italian restaurant called Marco's for dinner. We went to a few other places first. However, everything in Wimberley closes at 7. So, we ended up here. It was pretty good. We had a nutty little waitress named Laura! and a neighboring table with the most horrible woman sitting at it. Really, she was what I would refer to as a c*nt. And I don't use that word lightly. But, my goodness, she was mean. She kept embarrassing her kids (who sat silently and without movement) in front of anyone who would listen. She had this awful look on her face! And she kept being mean to those damn kids. The rest of her party (I assume her husband and parents) sat at the other end of the table looking down the whole time. They were one happy family. Being the audience, though was quite entertaining. Boy, she was awful. Luckily, my Eggplant Parmesan was not. It was really good!

We did a lot of drinking. Imagine that! But, not too much that we were sick. Well, I take that back. I had a moment on Wimberley night. But, after a few shots of tequila (the prize in rolling a certain number in CABIN), I had to sit out a few rounds staring at the toilet. But, alas, it passed, and joy returned! Also, the people who owned the cabin left us a fabulous bottle of wine (and an incredible continental breakfast of, I kid you not, four kinds of pastries, four kinds of cereal, yogurt, milk, orange juice, kolaches, coffee, apples, enormous homemade fruit salads, and all kinds of teas. It was so much food!).

All in all, it was a really great weekend. It was so secluded and in the woods. We say three cars and two people on bikes the whole time we were there. You have no idea what kind of good that can do a person! It was so cool!

Other than that, just been living life. I will post pictures later. And, I will write more because who doesn't want to know everything there is to know about me? Ha!

I long to be a crooner, but alas, I am not....

So, next weekend a couple of friends of mine (my best friends, in fact) are getting hitched. They are tying the knot. They are going to be each others one and only. Well, they kinda always have been since they have been together for 9 years! But, next Saturday they are taking the plunge.

So, in honor of their getting bound by love we decided to go out and have a good time. See, a bachelor party was out of the question since they are both boys. And finding separate strippers, separate gay clubs, and separate nights was just too much for our group to figure out. So, instead we did karaoke.

We have done karaoke before a number of times. We go to this place where you rent the room, bring booze and food, then sing to your hearts content with all your friends. It is way more fun than doing it in front of a gazillion drunkards who just want to make fun of you. It is far more fun when those drunkards who want to make fun of you are your friends. Oh, and fun was certainly made!

Michael's rear end really got into it. I can't quite remember what they where singing, but the anal solo was amazing!

Even Jacob stopped in order to hear the fabulousness of his booty!

Here are me and Jacob singing a fine duet of Islands in the Stream...

See, that is what we are. No one in between. How can we be wrong. We did not sail away with each other, but we did sing so loudly that we almost blew out the speakers. And let me tell you, if you can't tell from the picture, we sound amazing!

Kate and Paul sang something. I have no idea what they were singing. Paul later did a beautiful rendition of The Trooper by Judas Priest. But, they sang something good because I remember quite enjoying singing along to their tune...

Kate seems to be getting a kick out of it. So, I am not sure. Soon after this, she turned into a ballerina a pirouetted across the floor. She has also Incorporated the punch, punch move she learned on Wii Fit into each and every song of the evening. I would put a picture of her being a ballet dancer, but she would probably beat me up.


Here is the happy couple singing something. It was obviously something sweet and romantic since Kristy and Koley are slow dancing behind them. Jody and I later slow danced, but it wasn't nearly as coordinated or dance-like.

I shall call this the soon to be and the already are seeing as how until next week our only actual married friends are Kristy and Koley. The rest of us just shack up. We find that spitting in the face of Jesus is reason enough to live in sin. Well, wait, two guys getting married is really bad in the world of all things Biblical. Thank goodness we are all atheists! Damn you, Kristy and Koley. How dare you be normal. Well, you aren't normal at all. Hell, Kristy has a tattoo on her face. So, we'll go with you are some sort of heathen and leave it at that.


Here's my boy singing. He's looking right at me and singing me a beautiful love song. Well, he's probably not. I wish I could remember what he was singing.

It must have involved Jacob because that's the back of him. Jody did do a good job of bringing it with Purple Rain. That's when I (and several others) realized that he should be a TV Evangelist. Wow, he was good at that. Of course, it might have been a bit unfair seeing as how he makes his living on a stage. I mean, he doesn't stand in front of the stage or anything. But, he is still up there. Needless to say, he was an excellent karaokian. And he sure is cute.

So, all in all, we had a great time. The one thing I found very odd was the selection of songs. Now, there were the usual. Dancing Queen (we sang it), Yellow Submarine (we sang it), The Most Beautiful Girl (we sang it), Twist and Shout (thank god no one sang it). But, they were missing some essentials. No Lee Greenwood? No Foreigner? No Styx? No Britney Spears (except I Love Rock and Roll which we sang because there was no Joan Jett version??? Weird)

But, they did have....the complete works of Helloween, Yngwie Malmsteen, Iron Maiden (good), and Judas Priest (good). But, Helloween and Yngvie Malmsteen? Other than me, Jody, Paul, and Koley who the hell has heard of these bands? Who spent the time creating karaoke versions of these songs? It makes absolutely no sense. Is there a great calling for these songs and bands in the karaoke world? If so, why not add Slayer, King Diamond, and Angel Witch? And there was King Crimson? Who would have thunk that prog rock would have made its way into the rooms of Austin Karaoke. I was a bit impressed with that. But still a bit thrown.

So, fun was had. Beer and whiskey was consumed. And there is a debate over whether or not strawberry Whoppers are good. They are certainly no disgust that is the chocolate Skittle. But, they are different. If you can find them, try them and let me know what you think.

Okay, enough for now! Yay singing badly and loudly for hours at a time!!

Jeez I love my friends!