Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Off to Christmas



I am taking a quick stop to Houston and Willis over the next couple of days to celebrate the holidays with the fam. After living in a hotel for nine days with a boy with the flu who also got rear-ended (and not in the good kind of a way) eating out every meal (except the free breakfast which consists of cereal and bagels), trying to buy Christmas stuff, dropping your dog off at different places, having to go back to our waterless, electricless house get clothes, drop off Christmas purchases, going to work, getting little sleep, and all the rest that has gone on this week, I must say that I am ready for this month to be over!

Sadly, we still won't have a house until at least the 2nd. Thank goodness for wonderful friends because I can't handle another night in a hotel far far far far away from all that I know and love. You think living in a hotel would be awesome. I did. I was wrong! Well, if I didn't have a flu man and tons of working hours, it might not be so bad. But, I am sick of it!

Also, now that we have had to spend a buttload of cashola on food and hotel room and other weird things that come up, we is broke until the next paychecks on the 2nd when we both get paid. Super fun! I love being broke (and I mean broke). Nothing makes a good holiday like spending $500 on other people, so you can't eat for the rest of the month. Luckily gas is super cheap, or we wouldn't be going at all. Ah, I love the holidays! Do I sound like Scrooge?

It's a good thing we didn't get our tree. We were going to get one. But, alas, we would have had to chuck it or bring it to the hotel with us. I am not real sure that would have been cool with the Quality Inn people. But, I would have tried.

But, we are off today (with me getting no sleep at all! Super duper fun!). I am probably going to leave a bit late. I am going to try to get in a nap. I have no idea how I am going to be able to get dressed for a get together, wrap presents, and sleep all in a two or three hour car ride. But, I plan on figuring it out. And I am sure true to my families nature, I will not get to sleep more than a couple of hours. I mean, who sleeps past 7? Not those of us who are used to having to stay up all night! So, I am betting I get about an hour of sleep whilst there. And I am about to fall asleep now! Yipes.

Okay, enough of the holiday cheer! I am sure I will have a good time. Lots of goodies to eat. Good people to see that I haven't seen since last year. Presents! And poor Jody gets to meet the whole family! I hope it doesn't scare him away (he did make it through last weekend with the Dad and the Brenda). Ah, if I haven't scared him yet, nothing will!

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah (I like the one with the C best), Happy Kwanza, Happy Pagan Holiday, Happy I don't celebrate this crap, Happy New Year (I have to work. BOOOOO!)Happy what the hell ever it is you do or do not celebrate. Yay, whatever!


Thursday, December 18, 2008

People buy the strangest things

So, I am in line at HEB this afternoon picking up some Sudafed, Niquil, and the like for my Jody because he has the flu (always a fun thing to have when you are staying in a hotel. At least he has cable there unlike at our house). Anyway, I was standing in the 10 item or less line with my four items. I was three back.

Lady 1 - 43 items. I didn't count (although I tried). I just noticed the number of items on the register screen thing. Yeah, that's a lot more than 10.

Lady 2 - 17 items. Not 43, but yet again, not 10!!! Three of these items where picked up at the register. You know you need three purple baby bottles filled with sugar candy. That's always good. But, still, even before that, 10 items!

Lady 3 - 11 items. Not bad, but not 10!

Lady 4 (Moi) - 4 items! Amazing. I can count all the way to 10! I follow the rules of common courtesy set forth by the great grocery store gods to keep order and peace between those stocking up and those running in. I am a good American because of it.

But all of this was trumped by Lady 5. Oh, Lady 5, how I wish I knew what in the hell you are going to do with your purchases. Below you will find pictures of them, just as I saw them (God, I wish I would have had my camera. Damn it, I had my phone!) Here is what I saw after I put down that spacer bar thing....











(Yes, that is three bags of grated cheese. Now, mind you it was HEB brand, not the fancy kind. I take no mind to that because I buy the HEB brand)

And the topper because what goes better than a baby doll in a car seat with an outfit and three bags of grated cheese?




Yes, I giant hog's head! It was just staring at me. I made eye contact with it! Do you know how disturbing it is to make eye contact with a hog's head that is sitting beside a baby doll in a car seat and a shitload of grated cheese on a grocery store conveyor belt? If you don't, it is quite disturbing. Quite. But also, it is hilarious. Very! And if you know me at all, you will know that I can't help but laugh. I didn't want to be rude, so I just laughed to myself. I think it looked like I was having a convulsion because the Lady 5 gave me a nervous look (kinda like this big fat lady is about to fall over on me).

Now, being as I am from Texas (and spent half my youth at Jerry's house), I know what this big old pig head is going to be for. And, I know it is going to be yummy (albeit gross before preperation). But, still. That sight was one that I won't forget for quite some time.

You know, I never saw this kind of thing when I lived in Hyde Park. I didn't realize how much I missed living outside of Whiteyland (where they were worse with the over number of items because they all felt like they were so special and above rules). Can I get a Amen for ghetto living!

Semester- Done!

My semester is finally over! I am so happy. You can't even begin to imagine. It is so awesome not to have homework looming over my head! And, I ended the semester with two As. So, hurray for that. I am so glad. I really need a break. Badly.

Now, only two more semesters to go!

Monday, December 15, 2008

I'm sleepy!

You ever get a bit burned out? With school, work, and life in general I am just tired as hell. Oh good lord, I need some sleep. I have truly not gotten a good night sleep in about 4 months. When I say this, I mean that I average about 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night. Sometimes less. Very rarely more.

Now, I must say that when I do get to go to sleep, I love it. I love to squish up with goony bird, it's really awesome. We kind of just mush together well. And he's really warm. Yay for spooning! And, it helps that we are almost the same height (which is kinda sucky for me because he is 6'2. I am an amazon!). So, at least when I get some sleep, it is comfortable.

I am totally sick of school at this point. As of Tuesday, I will be done for the semester. I really can't think of child prostitutes anymore. That sure is a downer! Thank goodness for my creative writing class. Not that I don't find peace issues fascinating. It is just that they are so depressing! And, I love the creative writing. I don't think I completely suck at it (though I ain't no Steinbeck), so that makes it even more enjoyable. Of course you couldn't tell how much I enjoy writing with the sparseness of this blog. Is that word back there spelled correctly? It doesn't look right. But, fuck it. It isn't underlined, so I am thinking it cool. It looks wrong, though.

Anyway, back to me because that's what this is all about. I am tired! I want to write no more papers. I want to sleep for a week. I can't wait until Tuesday when I am completely off. Other than emailing a paper, I have nothing to do. Well, we do have to go check into a hotel (thanks to fancy plumbing problems). But, that is fine with me. It will be like a vacation, but only minutes from our very own house! Fabulous! I love hotels. I am sure we will still be at the house often. I mean, I am not packing for the winter. But, I am still excited. (Perv moment... hotel sex rules!)

So, what else is going on in Laura Land? My dad and stepmom Brenda came down this weekend. They brought me all the stuff I had stored at their house. I need to get a scanner because my senior year memory book is ripe with hilarity! Oh good lord. And what was wrong with me? I thought I was a sea hag in high school. Nope, I was cute. Damn it. Had I known, I would have been far sluttier than I already was.

I am really excited to have all my Motley Crue and Madonna stuff. My gosh I have a lot of that stuff. I don't even know where I came up with most of it! And who doesn't need to have their old Poison, Warrant, Skid Row, and Pantera ticket stubs? Oh, and the suitcase full of notes! How the hell did I get through school doing nothing but writing and receiving notes? And there is nothing like pulling out your old high school Channelette windbreaker (because doesn't ever girl and boy have one of those) only to note that it is about 2098230498 sizes too small. But, I must say, the notes are the best! That and the pictures.

But, what I am really most excited about are my records! I love my records. I left them at my dad's during my nomad phase when I moved to San Francisco a few years ago. It is really hard to haul 100lbs of records in a Honda Accord across the land. And boy have I missed them. So, I am so excited about that!

I also did find a report from a teacher saying I had persistent misbehavior problems. I was voted Class Clown. I had no choice! Me, persistent misbehavior problems! Whatever. I was nice. Smarmy, sassy, and talkative-yes! But, that ain't misbehaving. Ha Ha, aren't I funny there?

Anyway, it was really cool having my dad and Brenda meet Jody. They seemed to like him. I mean, what's not to lick - like (typo that I am keeping)? He's super. So, it was kind of a familyish weekend. And that was fun. We will see them again at Christmas, but it was nice to have them meet finally. Jody had a show on Friday night. I thought it would be fun, but the 'rents (oh, yes, I wrote that) aren't very dive bar-y.

Okay, I have written long enough. I just was going to write a sentence or two because I am so damn sleepy. But, I am in love with myself, so I think you all (all two of you) need to hear about my entire life. Isn't it fantastic? So filled with excitement and adventure! Yehaw! I guess I do participate in more Mad-Libs than your average gal, but that doesn't directly mean excitement.

Okay, I am off!

Oh, I forgot...I am so happy that Rice Spice is alive and well and back to blogging. Only this time, she is TexaPino. Well, she always has been. But, now she is in Florida. And a FloraPino just doesn't have the same ring to it. That, and she is still a Texan! Once a Texan always a Texan! Welcome back. It makes me feel less pathetic checking your blog everyday! Now, I have a purpose other than stalker-like boredom!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

My brain is melting into mush!

Well, I am one step closer to being done with this semester. Today, I completed an hour long group presentation about child prostitution. It was done in three sections, and I got the most bleak of all the sections. I know that you may say how can any one section be more bleak than the next? My part was sexual abuse, runaways, throwaways, and the like. I got to do all the statistics and studies. Good lord! Not a happy subject at all to have been working on for a month. I still have a huge paper to do about it, but the big part is over (sad when the 20 page paper isn't the big part). Is it pathetic that doing it just put me in a bad mood. It also made me mad at adults. But, hurray! It's almost completely over. And now that I am done with the research, I won't get so down in the dumps. Ugh! But, if you want to watch an interesting video about the subject just click this word. And that is just the tip of the iceberg.

The good thing about it was that we actually made someone in the audience tear up. So, I figure we got the point across since the audience was crying. I best better get me an A!

What else is new in my life? Gosh, nothing. Isn't that sad? How boring am I?

The mister broke his toe. It is a little purple mess! Poor thing. All this after breaking a bone in his hand from the wreck (yep, he broke it-but just a small bone that he is just going to have to live with). Never good things for a drummer. But, he is living with it, and he's not being too much of a baby. Strange for a man. That's not insulting men. I have just never dealt with any who aren't kinda babyish when they are hurt or sick.

Today we went and had Pho. For those of you who don't know what pho is, it is the best soup in the world! It's a Vietnamese soup that is so silky and good and filled with noodles and chives and basil and jalapenos and sprouts (but I don't like those, so I don't put them in) and tofu (or meat). Oh, it totally hit the spot today. It was cold and we were tired and hungry. It was just yummy! And it put me in a pretty decent mood.



See, doesn't that look yummy! Oh, it is so good! Well, I love me some Vietnamese food anyway, but this especially. Now, if they would throw in some lemongrass! I just threw on some chili sauce, and it was good to go!

You know (wow, is this blog about nothing -a bit like Seinfeld but worse)I love hot stuff. Not like Fireballs or anything, but food food. I want everything extra spicy. Then I put jalapenos and chili sauce to it. I put chili sauce on everything! I really do. Hell, I would put it on a PB and J!



That stuff right there. I go through it like underwear. I highly recommend it. It is super good on breakfast tacos and baked potatoes! I warn you, if you eat it, it's pretty damn hot. I can even over do it. Which I love! But, be ginger if you aren't used to death fire. If you love death fire, go to town!

Next weekend I am going to my most favorite spot on earth- Matagorda, TX! And even better, I will be visiting my most favorite store of all times!! It deserves it's own sentence....


Stanley's!


Stanley's is so awesome, I want to live there. It is just the greatest, redneck, white trash, fried burrito having, beer and bait buying, grocery/clothing store on Earth! I will be sure to take pictures to show everyone when I get back.

Now, we go to Matagorda every year (sometimes twice). Our group gets together to go stay at Jacob's wonderful and generous grandparent's house there. It is right on the Colorado where it dumps into the gulf of Mexico. It is so relaxing and peaceful, yet fun. Do you know what it is like to lay on the couch watching TV while also staring out at the Colorado River that is 20 feet away? Oh, it's terrific. We get to fish (which I love! Yes, I know, that's strange coming out of me. I am one of those fake Americans from the city). We get to go to the beach (and I will even if it is cold), and we all just get to hang out and have a good time while drinking far too much alcohol (as my people will do or do on a daily basis).

This is Jody's first year! I can't wait. I think we are going to have such a good time. Him, myself, and the wiener are setting sail that direction on Thursday. And it shall be about four days of vacation bliss! And boy do I need it! I think he does, too. No, I know he does (if you want to know why, please feel free to ask. But, just in case his insane ex-wife reads this, I don't want her to know it is because of her! Ooooh, that's my little jab there. But, again, I am not one to say anything). But, I am gloriously happy! We shall play Catan and Mall Madness (damn you, Trav-Champion of Mall Madness) and Monopoly (Hey, Mandy, I have another money and board thrower to play with. It makes me miss you!). We will watch The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, as it is tradition (wait, Mandy, the same Monopoly thrower watches and sings this with me, too. Okay, you are officially a gay man named Jacob!) We will climb on the rocks off of the jetty. We will speed down the beach in jeeps. We will drink tequila until we vomit like teenage girls on 6th Street. Then we shall come home!

Here is Schneider on the beach in Matagorda last year...

Now, how cute is that? Gosh that dog loves the beach! Okay, one more!



Alright. This has gone on long enough! It has been about nothing and is probably pretty boring. Yeah, it is. I was going to back and reread it. But, I didn't feel like it. So, from child prostitutes to Wiener dogs on beach vacations. Wow, is that injustice or what?

Have a happy weekend!

Monday, November 3, 2008

I am so behind on my homework!

Jesus on a broomstick, how do I get so far behind in homework? It's amazing that I have made it this far with my keen skill at procrastinating. I have far too much to do, and I have not a whole lot of time to do it.

This, and I have election stuff to watch on my only night off this week! Ugh-a-licious! What's a girl to do? I guess my homework. But, that sucks. Booooo!

Well, here goes nothing!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

More fun on Cap Metro!

Today, I have decided to write a bit more about riding the bus. If you read yesterdays, you know they are advertising for careers in the pornational arts at the bus stops now. It's fab! Honey World wants you! See...



In just a few short minutes, you too can be standing in front of a Hummer whilst giving a hummer! Holy shit. Why am I in grad school! Actually, why am I in grad school and riding the bus. Let's pretend it is the desperate need to reduce my carbon footprint. Yea, that's the ticket! And they pay room and board. So, not only do you get to star in porn (which really, I am not offended or bothered by at all. In fact, I think if done correctly and enjoyed, it can be quite a lucrative career.), but you also get to be a sex slave. Oh, hurray! Just want a young girl wants!

Anyway, if you are interested in a new career, just call that 350 number. Oh yes, this is where it all starts! At a bus stop on the east side. I feel success in my future!

Needless to say, I am not against porn. In fact, I have been known to watch it like a 13 year old boy who just discovered the Internet!

So, the next exciting thing that happened to me at the bus stop happened this morning. At 7 am in front of the capital on Congress, I am sitting at the bus stop. Well, some yucko man comes up and starts asking me where I'm going. My response is north, then I look back down to read. Then he starts asking me questions which I am ignoring. Then he asks about a bus that had gone by just before he got there. So, okay, I will let him know that. And lo and behold, his penis is hanging out of his pants! Yes, my friends, his wang was suddenly hanging out of his pants!

He looked down all surprised like he didn't know that suddenly his dick had fallen out of his previously zipped pants. I, of course, burst out laughing. I think he realized I was laughing at his small penis.

Luckily, my bus came (no pun intended) right then, so I just got up and got on the bench. Oh, early morning sexual assault. It is fun for all!

What really threw me was that he must have assumed this would work. Like that was going to get me! Oh, yeah! I love that penis hanging out. Give me some of that. It's how I met Jody. He randomly walked up to me and let his penis fall out. It's been like Heaven ever since! (Please note that that is a joke)

Everyday, I do get the fine pleasure of seeing the tourist taking the Segway tour down Congress and towards the capital building. Seems they are mighty popular here in Austin. Unfortunately, the only thing I see when I see a Segway is Gob from Arrested Development. I don't know if any of you watched this show, but it is the funniest show set forth by human beings (and Opie)since the dawn of time. So, every time I see these people, I start to laugh. It's quite mean of me. But, I can't help it. See for yourself...



This clip also contains part of the chicken that Gob does. Okay, I have to include that because it fucking rules!


You can forward to about :55 for the best part. Oh, how I loved this. Wait, now you have to see the final countdown. I mean, how can I portray Gob if you don't get the whole picture?



Isn't it just awesome? Yes it is. I don't care what you say! This is the best TV show ever!!!

Anyway, see why I laugh? To me Segway = Douchebag Illusionist!

Nothing to much else except I learned today what a woman with one front tooth and two bottom teeth looks like when she chews gum. It looks like she gums it. That was a stranger sight than the small penis. It really was.



God, how I love the city bus!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Wanna be a hooker? Ride the bus!

I have absolutely nothing to write about today. But, I haven't written in a long while, so I thought I should write something.

Life is life. Nothing bad, nothing fantastic. I have been having a fantastic time riding the bus. See, now that I have gone from the fancy part of town (where I was gentrified out by having my rent raised a few hundred dollars a month) to the poor part of town (which I am doing my part to gentrify), the bus rides have been quite different! Oh yes. Lots more crack, drunks, hookers, peeing at the bus stop (not, others). My favorite thing is hanging at the bus stop closest to my house. There are nice full-color flyers/small posters for ladies (all shapes and sized welcome) to be escorts and in porn movies. Luckily, these ads are taped (and I mean super taped) to the only two payphones known to exist in the world, the ones at the bus stop. I assume it is for quick calling. Maybe they will pick up! I mean, you can call and be the star of a porn in less than an hour!

I meant to take a picture of it today, but forgot. Anyway, if you are ever riding the bus in the bad part of town, well....you got yourself a new career! Hell, they'll even take me, and I'm really fat! What more could a girl ask for.

Now, mind you, this is the bus stop where lots and lots of children sit everyday. So, of course, this is sending a good message to those girls. You know, what more does an 8 year old girl who is super poor need? How about a little coaxing into the sex industry. I bet it works, though. Maybe in a few short years I will see my neighbor's children on Hookers on the Point 9. That is always uplifting to the community!


So, that's the saga of the bus stop. I wonder what will happen in the morning on my way home?

Saturday, October 18, 2008

ELO is now my friend!

Haha! I think they must have read my blog! It turned them! Okay, maybe not. Maybe they just took a while. So be it. I won!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

ELO

I have been having this obsession with ELO lately. That's ELO or Electric Light Orchestra. If you weren't alive before like '82, you will have no idea who they are. If you are my age, you will. If you are older, you really will.



Anyway, I have had this hankering to listen to nothing but ELO lately. I really dig them. Like a lot. And, it seems now, a lot more than usual. I have no idea why. I am trying to be their myspace friend to no avail. You would think that they would be grateful to have any myspace friends. But, they don't seem to be to keen on me being one. Why the hell not? I am a hip, young girl from a super cool town. Okay, I may not be hip and young (but compared to ELO, I am). But, I am from a super cool town. Apparently, the coolest town in the history of town. Really, not anymore now that all the newbies have moved here. But, that is beside the point. Why will ELO not accept me as a friend?

First, let me tell you that I have the entire Xanadu soundtrack committed to memory. How many people can say that? 11? 17? 34 at the most! If I listen to Strange Magic or Telephone Line any more than I do, the boyfriend might wring my neck. I think if I can subliminally send myself singing Waterfall to them, they will accept me.

What is so wrong with me that a band won't accept my friendship. I am a fairly decent friend. Well, if you don't expect me to call you or answer the phone. Other than that, though, I'm okay. If ELO would text me, I would text back! I would! I would pick them up if they were downtown and too drunk to drive. I would sit and listen to them talk about the guy they are dating even though I hate the guy they are dating. I won't even tell them that. I will actually pretend I like him. And, I will invite them to every BBQ, pinata, bocce ball happening that my little crew has! I would! And I would do it all whilst smiling and making them feel at home. I wouldn't even mind that they always sing the same song at Karaoke (although, they can't have 18 and Life because that is Maria and my song).

So, what's the deal? Really? Am I being rejected by ELO? I think I am. Now, I shall go listen to sad ELO songs in order to take my blues to a new level!

But, in spreading the word...Here is some Xanadu. I think I post this everywhere. I am trying to get people on my side about the greatness of this movie! I missed the Broadway show, and it is now over. Dammit! But, alas, there is nothing I can do for ELO hates me. Bastards!



And by the way (this has nothing to do with ELO) when will spell check realize that myspace is not spelled wrong? Jesus on a turkey sandwich, this is 2008. Myspace is a normal thing! It isn't as if I made it up myself. I bet Rupert Murdoch owns all spell checks throughout the universe, so you would think that he would allow them to recognize his own myspace. Ugh! Damn spell check!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Today is my one year anniversary

I think I am going to have a fun day. Yay! One year, and still in love. Super love. Super man that I am in love with. I guess it isn't that hard to stay in love for a year. In fact, it may be the easiest of all things to do.

But, we've gotten to know each other well. Started building a home. Have a lot of silly fun. Have great sex. Finally found someone who can keep up with me. Who knew a few times a day was asking a lot? Not me. Really, I didn't realize that was a lot. Actually, I thought once a day was normal. So, sorry to all you previous fellows out there who understood that I was insatiable. I didn't quite get it. Thank goodness that my mister has the same problem! Wow, I think that made me sound like a slutty nymphomaniac. I can't say I haven't had my moments. But, really, my number is pretty low compared to a lot of people. Maybe more than two hands worth, but definitely less that three. Is this too personal? Wait, it's a blog. It's supposed to be. But, hell, I sure am feeling all talkative, aren't I?

But, I really have enjoyed the last year with him. Can't say I enjoyed the mess of an ex-wife. Wow, that is a lot of emotional all trapped in one woman. Gosh, almighty! You have no idea. I mean, I get anger and pain and sad and more anger...I do, I get it. That's why I stay out of the whole mess (of course, I am writing about it here). I'm not butting my nose in or saying anything no matter how much I want to (except right here). But, come on. How can you even like a man who has been in a committed relationship with someone else (living in another state and living a life completely independent)for a year now? Hell, we've lived together since February! A man who obvious is way way way over you. One who has been way way way over you for years? It's a lot to deal with. And I am not normally one who is able to keep her mouth shut. I try not to be an asshole, though. I try to understand both sides (although the longer it goes on, the harder it is). But, since it has been a year, it seems things are finally coming to an end on that front. Not that they weren't over before. But, legalities and whatnot. Gracious, it is a lot to take sometime. Not that I am in any hurry to do anything with our relationship other than what we are doing.

I am quite enjoying this whole Jody and Laura thing. I really am. It's a lot of fun. And never ever a dull moment. I think it has something to do with his curly hair. Probably not, but I sure do love that curly hair! And that drummer thing. Oh, and the sense of humour (I'm British now). And seeing big old shoes all over the house...yep, that's enough of that.




The man had a car wreck this week. Boo. Poor Maurice the car did not survive. The man did, and for that I am glad. He is bruised and burned and sprained and beat. Shoulders ache, wrists don't work right, scabs abound, an entirely blue/green arm. But, alas, it is just a car. And no one was seriously hurt. I feel bad for them both. Luckily, the car is paid off this week. Just in time to never drive it again. Super fun! Gosh, I really liked that car. Finally, air conditioning!

Started riding the bus again. Saying it is because I want to be green. Lying because it is for the reason above. I actually don't mind riding the bus so much. I forget that when I have a car. I have spent a good majority of my adulthood without a vehicle. I have been poor for the most part of this fun filled adultness. So, my cars have always been a bit on the older side. In fact, the newest was Maurice (may he rest in peace). And he was a 98. So, as goes with older cars, they start falling apart. (Or their moron owner forgets to put the oil cap back on them and drives around for three days spurting oil everywhere and cracks the block). And, being as I am poor white recycling (not quite trash, as I am degreed and all), I never have enough money to fix the dang things. So, they just go to car heaven. Then I end up on the bus until I can save up $1500 or so to get a new one.

Now, we aren't carless. We have Jody's truck. Unfortunately, the brakes on it are sucking ass. And since it is a lean month. Well, lean couple of months. You see, electricity in Texas during the summer months runs about $300 a month. And with the move and deposit of $200...well, you see where this is going. So add it all up and even a well paid lad and lady of Austin (the gentrification capital of the USA) can't get a brake job done until next month. Of course, had we done it a month ago when it just made a noise, it would have been way way way way way cheaper. But, oh no...not us. For we are lazy and poor minded people. And with that frame of mind, you put things off that should be taken care of. Oh, look at me lecturing myself. I should stop...

Anyway, this started out with me riding the bus. It truly doesn't bother me that much. In fact, sometimes it is nice to have a few minutes to yourself to read. The bus I have to take (well, the first one. I transfer when going to both work and school) isn't very crowded. It is a long ride, sure. And leaving for work an hour and a half early sucks ass. But, who cares. I get a bit of a walk in. I feel more like I am part of something. That sounds weird. It does. And I can't explain it. But, bussing it around this city has made me learn a lot about it. I see things most don't. I get to know the people better. I really don't mind it at all. Of course, it sucks when it rains. And sure, I would rather drive. But, I am glad I don't mind. It is not below me, as I am sure lots of people think it is. But, again, I am poor white recycling. I belong on a bus. I am going against my station by getting a Masters. I am supposed to be working on my career as a clerk at the Wal-Greens. So, I am doing pretty good.

I've decided I have become way too fat. I used to look like this...


Now, I look like this...



Where did all that chin come from? Luckily, he still thinks I'm sexy. Likes em kinda fat. Thank god! Actually, I guess he met me whilst fat, as I have been fat since about the fourth grade. So, I am guessing he still thinks I'm sexy is a stupid thing to say. He has always found me sexy and still does because other than that double chin and a bit of gut, I haven't gotten that much fatter. I mean, 30lbs is a lot when you are a waif, but when you are a buffalo to begin with, it doesn't show all that much. But, still. I miss that no double chin thing I once had going on. Damn it, Cokes and Cheetohs and Burger King and M&Ms!

I did the weight watchers for a really long time. I also worked out at a gym 4 days a week. Yes, I did. And, you know what really pissed me off about it? It worked. It did. And I felt fabulous. But, see, I'm lazy and self defeating. So, I stopped. I also realized I had only eaten eggs and tofu stir fries for six months. Now, that was good and all. But this once, I ate some chocolate, and I though my mouth, brain, and vagina were going to explode all at the same time. So, I went back to food. And, since I am an uncontrollable freak (not at all in the freak way in the sex paragraph above), I have gained a few. I keep trying to get back on track. But, dammit, I am a failure. I love pizza. How is it that I am the fattest vegetarian (with the occassional fish because it is damn good) on the planet. Dammit for cheese being vegetarian!

I haven't gotten a chance to hang out a lot lately with people. It's depressing. Between work and school, I have no time. I miss my people. I miss you, people! I do! I miss my Kristy and Katie and Kate and Leah and Maria and Koley and Paul and everyone. I do! I have to get hold of my social life again. Hell, I may never see my dream Robert/Richard again at this rate. I have been feeling the effects. I have. I used to be a social butterfly. Now, I am a nothing butterfly. I must get out more. I am becoming a hermit. I have no where to wear all my fancy hair ribbons.

Okay, enough of me.

TTFN

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Please go away!


I have had a headache for the past week. Damn allergies. I think my head is either going to explode or implode. I can't tell which. I wish it would stop. Really, I do!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

It's the final countdown....De der de der... de der de der deee

So, nothing to fancy has happened lately. I mean, stuff happens. None of it fancy, though.

What's been happening?

Last week Jody and I went to the zoo. It was super fun! We got to feed the goats in the petting zoo part. That was fun except that the nutty goats were used to being fed, so they went all nuts. Of course, there was one that was sweet. His name is Fred. I named him that, so it really isn't his name. But, in my brain it is,

See, here's Jody with Fred....

It was a good time. The weather was nice. We had a pretty good time.

What else? Jody's band Living Better Electrically was on Good Morning Austin (the local equivalent to Good Morning, America). That was totally awesome! I was so excited and proud of him. You should have seem me at 7:30 am screaming and jumping around the living room.

If you want to see it, go to this link...

http://www.myfoxaustin.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail;jsessionid=060632FF4C17D05BE2BDB56B72118391?contentId=7501667&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=1.1.1&sflg=1



I hope that hyperlinks. But, if it doesn't just copy and paste. I wish I could embed it, but I can't. Maybe if I was somewhat more techno savvy I could. But, you know...I'm old and a girl. Hence, I can't do it.

Don't you like the word savvy, by the way? I love words with inappropriate doubling of weird letters. Vacuum is a good one. I like that one the best.

Anyway, what else fun? Nothing. I am three weeks into school, and already I sure am sick of it. There is nothing wrong with my classes. In fact, they are pretty awesome classes. But, I am just not into it anymore. I can't figure out how people get PhDs. I mean, I am barely making it through my master's program. Well, I am making it, but I am tired! And, I really want to take a break. But, I'm not going to. I would not go back if I took a semester off. I would love to be Dr. Laura. But, at this point a masters if fine. Maybe other people don't work full-time whilst trying to get a PhD. I assume that is probably true. But you can't live on TA money alone. So, I gotta work! Ugh!

Wow, that was a bit whiny, wasn't it? I don't want to be whiny in a post. So, I am going to post fun pictures!



Okay, I am posting this picture because it is disturbing to me. The reason it is disturbing is because it is the picture hanging directly in front of the toilet at Quality Seafood on Airport. Now, the picture isn't centered on the wall. It is just right in front of the pot. Weird! I have no idea why a child looking into what appears to be a fish tank is right in front of the john. For some reason, the kid's t Rex shirt makes me even more uneasy. I don't know why. It made me feel a bit molestery pulling my pants down in front of the kid (which I can't tell if it is a girl or a boy). But, I had to tinkle, so I did. I am sharing it with all, though.



I love this picture because I love the hell out of that mural! Look at the set of cans on the mermaid. I stared at them for like 10 minutes before I pointed them out to Jody (who mind you, is a fan of big knockers). Then they were all I could stare at for the rest of dinner. But, nothing goes with hush puppies like a set of funnily drawn hooters!




Isn't this just the cutest dog in the history of dogs? Yes! I don't care what you think. He is. I love my Schneider. I do, I do, I do! He is so happy to have a yard to play in. I swear, this poor dog suffered through a 196sq ft efficiency, up to a large one bedroom (that was upstairs, so he didn't get to go out the 22 times a day he likes), to a place with a yard! And, boy, does he love it. He loves being able to run around, nose about, and just sit in the sun (which he loves to do). I am so glad he has somewhere to hang out besides the weird vacant lot on 38th where I used to walk him.



Here's my boys watching TV. Well, Schneider is watching me, but he was watching TV about two seconds before. They are so awesome! Really they are. It is nice to have them around. I sure do like hanging out with them. I think they like hanging out with me. Super funness!

Okay, there is some fun!

What the hell else should I blog about? I read The Road. Wow, that was a good book. Pretty quick read. It was for book club. Don't ask me why I joined a book club when I have to read 9348293048 pages of something every week. But, it's my friends. So, really any reason to sit around with my peeps and drink is reason enough to join some sort of club.

I have been watching all the seasons of Arrested Development. It is probably one of the best shows ever. I wish it went on forever.

Okay, I am babbling about nothing. So, I am off! Back to having work fun! Yay!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Really? Really?




Really?

I don't care how cute or cool or hip or in the now or with it or hipster you think you are, this is damn ugly. I knew one day Channelview Market Street polyester hooker was going to be in style. I just didn't realize that the cool kids would be wearing it. Oh god, it's so bad!

I'm not schizophrenic, I just have diverse taste in music

So, I am sitting here fucking around with my myspace page open. I decided to update a bit. You know, throw on a new song and picture because like Laura Hall, that's just how I roll. (If you don't know who that is, ask me. I am all obsessed with that cuckoo freak.) When I added my new song, I found that there is a list of my song history! I had no idea. So, being as I am curious as to what songs I have put on in the past, I had to look. Upon looking I realize I am a loopty loo! So, I decided to paste the list below and explain why I have chosen each of these fabulous songs to be part of the Laura Ferguson Myspace Experience. I think that will be my band name (that is unless I steal the Boar Witch idea from Jody and Jakob).
  • A Milli
    From Tha Carter III
    By Lil Wayne
    Current profile song

    • This is my current song. It is the new smash hit by the fabulous lil' Wayne. Now, I know that I don't look much like a Lil' Wayne fan. And for the most part, I'm not a super fan. But, I love this damn song. I mean, the bass line is awesome. I can't imagine anyone not digging it.
    • (By the way, I can't figure out how to get rid of these stupid bullets. So, I am just going to go with it.)
    • I also like the words to this song. I like the no chorus or bridge-just the random ramblings of a very odd and somewhat disturbed fellow. I like that in a person. Odd and disturbed. So, I dig this song.

This is a great song. I love the whole Lee Hazelwood and Nancy Sinatra combo. It's totally psychedelic. It's totally great music. And the fact that he is 61 and she is like 17 is totally creepy. And, I like that combo. Oh, and it's dramatic. Just listen to it. I totally love it. Lee Hazelwood might be a bit of a genius. That or he has a creepy thing for Nancy Sinatra. Wait, I think it is both.

  • Arthur Lee and Love. Well, what is there to say. I love this song. He, too, is a freak. He really is. You should listen to Love sometime. Or just type his name into youtube. I totally dig it. Odd, creative, probably nuts. He did go to jail for a while. I like that in a musician. I dig my druggies and my ruffians and jailbirds. Don't know why, but they just make better music.

  • I love the Cramps. I was bored one night and realized that I hadn't listened to them in a long ass time. This tape (yes, tape) was a staple in high school. Oh, how I miss those days. This, Butthole Surfers, Beck, Brujaria....oh, the memories. So, I was being nostalgic. Love it!

  • Black Betty
    From Ram Jam
    This is my and my sisters song. I was missing my Tamaramadingdong and put it up in honor of sisterhood. And it's just a cool song. But, anyway, I still miss my Black Betty! Black Betty, I miss you! Come visit for the hurricane!

  • I was having a bit of a Debbie Gibson moment. Fuck that Deborah stuff. That bitch will now and forever be Debbie. I don't care how naked you get in a magazine. You are Debbie. And, Debbie, I love you. I do. I lipsinked (lipsank?)/sang some Debbie Gibson song in either the 5th or 6th grade class talent show thing. I wore petticoats and danced a lot. I probably looked like an asshole. Or maybe I looked like a cute kid. Who knows. For some reason, I still think I look exactly the same as I did then. So, think of me dancing to Debbie Gibson. Enough said. I looked like an asshole.


I like this band. I like this song. I like that they sound about 12. Now, I am not a skinny jean, obtuse hair, big old lady glasses, American Apparel loving cool kid, but I can still like their music. Now, I have to say that there are some stinkers on this album. There are. I am going to say it. But, this song rocks! It does. I love it. I could listen to it over and over. And so should you! No, you shouldn't. But, I love it.
This is my favorite movie song. It may be my favorite instrumental song ever. I guess I don't have to many favorite instrumental songs. So, dammit, you should know this is important. This is Ennio Morricone at his finest. I totally dig him. This song is also my ring on my phone. Once in the grocery store it went off. It was so funny! This woman in the aisle ducked and looked behind her. I was very tempted to scream, "Watch out for the Injuns!" But, I didn't. I just laughed at her. It was really funny.

Actually, that reminds me of this time when I was eating in a very dark, very mobster movie looking Italian restaurant in Dallas. I'm sitting there eating my Chicken Marsala (long time ago...hell, I was eating chicken. So, this was a long long time ago). Anyway, all of a sudden, the Godfather theme song comes on. Now, as stupid as it sounds, my stomach dropped, and I wanted to hit the deck. I was totally prepared to sleep with the fishes. It made me laugh. Hell, it makes me laugh now.
I put this song on there in honor of my Jody. He is totally my best friend. I love him so much. I'm getting gay, but I don't care. I totally put it on there for him. That, and I love Harry Nilsson. I really do. I think I have a thing for him. I mean, he did Popeye, the Point, and he put a damn lime in a coconut. How much greater can a man be? Well, a lot. I totally dig the Nilsson! And Jody!
I like this song. I think everyone does. But, it is a freaking cool song. It's a bit dirty/naughty. And that totally gets me going. I like this song cause it puts me in this mood. I can't really describe it, but I dig the hell out of it. I like the whole style of it. It's just a rocking good song. Listen to it, people. Or three people. I think I can just write this to Mandy, Jackie, and Jody! So, you three, listen to it. Well, I am sure Jody has many times. You other two, do as I say!

I put this song on here because it is Jody and my song. Yep, it is. Not as romantic as some people's "song," sure. But, it is our song none the less! (I got lots of Jody talk going on in these last few songs, don't I. I promise to shut up soon.) There is a really awesome version of this song where it is just the vocals and none of the music music. It is freaking awesome. DLR freaking rules. I swear he does. I want to stop here and go off on a tangent about how Van Halen has not been Van Halen since DLR left, and I have not liked a song they have done since then. In fact, I am going to go as far as saying I hate the Hagar. I have a hate for him like I hate Renee Zellwegger and Russell Crowe, and you people just can't understand how much I hate those two. If you want to know why, just ask. I will gladly go on an hour shpeel about how I dispise them so! Oh, and Tom Cruise. But, my hate for him is entirely different and not solely based upon his weird love of all things Xenu.
ELO. What more is there to say. One of the greatest groups of all times. I call them a group and not a band totally based upon their era. Are they a super group? I mean, they are super and they are a group, but are they a super group? For god's sake, they did Xanadu. And anyone who knows me knows my love of Xanadu! If I don't stop this now, I will start singing the entire soundtrack which in turn means I would type it. And no one wants that. But, back to this song. I love it. I pretty much dig all their songs. Now I want to listen to ELO. Here I come Pandora!

Oh, the Donovan. Okay, this is underlined, and it is pissing me off. This damn thing is hard to figure out, and I'm no dummy. Really I'm not. They don't let you go to graduate school without being able to figure out a stupid formatting issue on blogger. But, here I am. So, I am going to figure this out or be thoroughly annoyed.

Oh, for christ's sake. This is awful. Can this be read while being underlined? Guess so. Okay back to Donovan. Hurdy Gurdy Man is just a cool song. It just is. It's a fact. I can't imagine anyone not loving the shit out of Donovan and this song.

Okay, So this underline thing is terrible. It's annoying the shit out of me. So, here is where I will stop. Oh, I will finish this list or explanations. Yes, I will. But, I will have to do it another time when I am bored out of my gourd and really, really, really want to type!

Later for now. And, I shall go off into underlining hell! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Stop!!!!! But, you can still read what the hell I have put on my danged myspace page. I got me some good taste in music, yes I do!