In just a few short minutes, you too can be standing in front of a Hummer whilst giving a hummer! Holy shit. Why am I in grad school! Actually, why am I in grad school and riding the bus. Let's pretend it is the desperate need to reduce my carbon footprint. Yea, that's the ticket! And they pay room and board. So, not only do you get to star in porn (which really, I am not offended or bothered by at all. In fact, I think if done correctly and enjoyed, it can be quite a lucrative career.), but you also get to be a sex slave. Oh, hurray! Just want a young girl wants!
Anyway, if you are interested in a new career, just call that 350 number. Oh yes, this is where it all starts! At a bus stop on the east side. I feel success in my future!
Needless to say, I am not against porn. In fact, I have been known to watch it like a 13 year old boy who just discovered the Internet!
So, the next exciting thing that happened to me at the bus stop happened this morning. At 7 am in front of the capital on Congress, I am sitting at the bus stop. Well, some yucko man comes up and starts asking me where I'm going. My response is north, then I look back down to read. Then he starts asking me questions which I am ignoring. Then he asks about a bus that had gone by just before he got there. So, okay, I will let him know that. And lo and behold, his penis is hanging out of his pants! Yes, my friends, his wang was suddenly hanging out of his pants!
He looked down all surprised like he didn't know that suddenly his dick had fallen out of his previously zipped pants. I, of course, burst out laughing. I think he realized I was laughing at his small penis.
Luckily, my bus came (no pun intended) right then, so I just got up and got on the bench. Oh, early morning sexual assault. It is fun for all!
What really threw me was that he must have assumed this would work. Like that was going to get me! Oh, yeah! I love that penis hanging out. Give me some of that. It's how I met Jody. He randomly walked up to me and let his penis fall out. It's been like Heaven ever since! (Please note that that is a joke)
Everyday, I do get the fine pleasure of seeing the tourist taking the Segway tour down Congress and towards the capital building. Seems they are mighty popular here in Austin. Unfortunately, the only thing I see when I see a Segway is Gob from Arrested Development. I don't know if any of you watched this show, but it is the funniest show set forth by human beings (and Opie)since the dawn of time. So, every time I see these people, I start to laugh. It's quite mean of me. But, I can't help it. See for yourself...
This clip also contains part of the chicken that Gob does. Okay, I have to include that because it fucking rules!
You can forward to about :55 for the best part. Oh, how I loved this. Wait, now you have to see the final countdown. I mean, how can I portray Gob if you don't get the whole picture?
Isn't it just awesome? Yes it is. I don't care what you say! This is the best TV show ever!!!
Anyway, see why I laugh? To me Segway = Douchebag Illusionist!
Nothing to much else except I learned today what a woman with one front tooth and two bottom teeth looks like when she chews gum. It looks like she gums it. That was a stranger sight than the small penis. It really was.
God, how I love the city bus!
2 comments:
What a sad, sad world we live in, when instead of roses and real, live dates men now offer their wee little peens to us, in BROAD DAYLIGHT no less, in the hopes that they'll, apparently, "score." Geez.
This post was AWESOME!!! I have never been on public transportation...I have never lived or worked near a bus stop, but you make me want to try it. I would love to have some guy shake his weiner at me first thing in the morning!
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