My World Got a Tad Bit Greater Today

For you Easter Candy Roller Skating enjoyment, I present....

Peeps Xanadu

In two parts

 

That's right.  One of the greatest movies ever made done using happy Easter Peeps.  I hated Peeps until today. Now I have a whole new respect.  

Happy Veteran's Day.  Thanks, Dad, for that whole going and fighting in a war thing.  You are an super dad who may be the only person in the world who didn't make their Vietnam experience seem like the worst thing that ever happened to him, even though I am sure it is right up there.  I guess you are the one who taught me how to look at a crappy situation and make it funny.  I appreciate all you do!  I love you!

Now, go make a veteran watch Xanadu (my dad took us to see it when it came out).  It will make them feel good!  Just look what it did for Gene Kelly.

Even I Want to Vacation in Austin!

You know what I highly recommend? You know what I highly recommend after all kinds of poop like things make your life all pooplike?  A staycation!

So, Jody and I decided we needed a little bit of a night out.  And not just a night on the town, we needed a night out.  Out of our house, out of our bed, away from those heathens we call dogs, a night away.  So, we took ourselves over to the Hyatt Lady Bird Lake for a fancy 4 star night in a fancy 4 star hotel room.  Oh my lord!  It was awesome!

 Here's our view during the day!

Here's our view at night through the amazing lens of a BlackBerry camera! Run out and get one now before the rush for happens for this fab technology!

I am not sure if you have ever stayed on the 14th floor of a hotel that overlooks Lady Bird Lake (Town Lake) and downtown.  It's awesome.  It's pretty cool to lay in a cush ass bed and stare down Colorado.  The view was just awesome.  It really was.  We got to watch people do all kinds of boat things on the water.  We got to watch all kinds of nightlife action.  It was freaking nice!  

One of the greatest things was that they didn't magnetize our room key cards, so when we went to get it done, they gave us free drink vouchers for the bar!  Free drinks!  Of course, we went on to buy more (because what self respecting person doesn't get all drunk when you don't have to leave the building to sleep?).  I love to get fancy girl drinks.  It's really a lot of fun.  I found my love of girl drinks at Sullivan's Ring Side Happy Hour many moons ago with their $5 martinis (not regular martinis.  I hate those.).  Well, they make a damn fine fruity, girly, dork drink at Mark 10.  A bit pricey.  But, you know how it doesn't really matter if it has raspberries it!

Anyway, it was great.  And sitting on the bed and eating P. Terry's whilst watching what happens downtown at 11pm is pretty awesome.  I recommend it to anyone.  Staycations rule!  Especially if you need to run home for something you forgot.  We didn't, but I mean, we live 11 minutes away.  So, what would it matter!  Oh, it was nice!

Oh, and I got to take a bath!  A long, hot bath!  I haven't taken a bath in almost a year.  You have no idea how great it was.  Just so you know, though, I have bathed.  In fact, I think I bathed that morning.  We just don't have a bathtub.  We only have a shower.  You have no idea how much you miss baths until you don't have a bathtub.  My books and magazines have been very left out this year.  Ah, but I got me one of them thar baths.  It was magnificent!

After that, I had a pretty busy week that I attended on no such sleep.  But, I got to hang out with some awesome friends. I won Chickenfoot!  I love games.  And I love to win them!  I had a great lunch with a wonderful friend at The Ginger Man. Who knew, but they have good food.  Barish food, but it was good.  Watched a really good but sad movie that I recommend.  Then got all rested to come to work!  Hurray!  Ah, the life, isn't it?  Not really.  But, I sure can make it sound that way if I write it well enough. 

I realize that I am getting behind on telling you about all the fantastic free things that I have been getting.  Well, I kinda got bored with that.  If you really want me to tell you, I will.  I did get a really awesome thing that I will tell you about.  I got a sleeve to make grilled cheese sandwiches in the toaster!  It's so cool.  Sure, I haven't used it yet.  I mean, I didn't go to the grocery store until day before yesterday.  Actually, I went at about 3:30 on Thursday morning.  So, I don't really know how you would classify that.  So, we haven't had any cheese or bread.  Or anything for that matter.  Yay, for Taco Cabana and other such bad places I shouldn't eat at.  Anyway, I haven't used it.  But, I am going to try it when I get home.  I will let you know how that goes.  If you never hear from me again, it didn't go so well.  I might have started my house on fire or some such thing that is completely possible when dealing with me and electric things and heat and grilled cheese bags!  So, we'll see. 

All in all I have had a fairly productive week.  It has been a fun, relaxing, and tiring one.  But, fun.  And, did I say I beat 3 whole people at Chickenfoot?  I like to rub that in.  I'm a very bad winner!  You should see me lose!  

Anyway, great weekend to all. Yippee!!

How's About a Nice Cup of Good Weekend

Well, hello, Party People.  It has been one week since you looked at me.  Okay, it hasn't.  That is that stupid Barenaked Ladies' song.  And, now it's in my head.  Thanks, anyone who might possibly read this.  You got that song stuck in my head! I don't particularly care for that song.  Well, except for that Chickety China part.  That's catchy.

I've been a busy girl since I went away.  Well, since I was on the computer.  I can't wait to get mine back from the Toshiba Depot (how corny is that name).  They are fixing it up all nice and neat.  Or they are fixing the Ethernet port because it has a short in it.  That's not bad if you have wireless, but, of course, I don't.  I'm cheap like that.  I refuse to pay $20 more a month for the privilege of sitting exactly where I would sit with my laptop if it were plugged in.  I'm all Scrooge sounding, huh?  Well, I sure wish I wasn't because I got no Internet at home.  And that sucks.  Too bad I can't crack any of my neighbor's WiFi passwords.  I've tried.  Oh, yes, I've tried.  No luck, though.  So, I just gotta wait. Damn you, Modern Technology!

I had a fun weekend.  Jody's sister Renee and his nephew Justin came to town.  We did the usual Austin type stuff.  Got a Mighty Cone from one of the many Trailer Park Food Courts here.  Then off to Gourdough's.  Oh, Gourdough's.  The made to order giant, deliciousness that is the Gordough's Donut! They are sooooooo gooooood.  And I mean that with that many o's.  Jody and I split a Funky Monkey.  Do you know how good grilled bananas, melted cream cheese icing, and brown sugar are?  Especially when they are all hot and gooey on a freshly fried giant donut!  Just take a look...

And, it's big, too.  So big that my giant ass can't eat a whole one by myself.  And, I can eat. Just check out a picture.  You don't get my rear end by turning away donuts!  Oh, so good.  And, I am pretty sure that Renee and Justin liked them, too.

That night we scurried over to the Alamo Village to Thor 3-D.  Now, I am going to state right here and now that I DO NOT like comic book movies.  I am just not a fan.  Blame it on me having a vagina or a graduate degree in writing or the fact that I have taste (that's just me being sassy) or whatever, but I don't like them.  So, I was not particularly interested in seeing Thor ever.  But, it was playing.  And Renee had never seen a 3-D movie before.  So, I didn't bitch too much.  I just went along with it. 

I can honestly say that the movie was kinda bunk.  I didn't really care for it at all.  It wasn't the worst of the comic book or super hero movies I have seen.  It wasn't.  But, it wasn't good.  Definitely not a thinking person's movie.  Not one with a love of detail or originality or any of those types of things.  If you want to know what kind of movies I like.  Boogie Nights is my favorite followed by Shawshank Redemption, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, The Big Lebowski, and Wild at Heart.  Those are followed by the likes of Urban Cowboy, Xanadu, Happy Texas, Where the Heart Is, and Dirty Dancing. See, I am only a partial movie snob.  I like crap just as much as the next guy.  But, ugh with the super hero/comic book movies.  No thanks.

There was one redeeming quality of this movie.  That would be Chris Hemsworth.  Just so you know, here is what he looks like:

Yeah, that's him.  And he is incredible!  Oh my lord.  Especially this scene in which he wears his jeans ala Brad Pitt in Fight Club.  And seeing that in 3-D was kinda worth it.  Not totally worth it (as I did stare at the wall for a good 22 minutes of the movie).  But, if you are forced to go, it is a nice view.  The story is lame.  There where probably only about 121 words used in the script.  It's predictable, long, and just the beginning of a never ending series of Thor (and The Avenger) movies.  So, I can't recommend it at all.  But, if you gotta go, you get a good view.  Oh, and you get to see Natalie Portman pretend to be a brilliant physicist!  Ha.  Yeah, I know.  Stop laughing.  You know she did it because she wanted that Black Swan role.  I am assuming this is a contract movie.  But, alas, there is one pretty man to look at while you watch a really overly simple movie. 

Speaking of which (or not really) the Alamo has the best damn fried pickles ever!  Eat them.  They are good!

That was the weekend.  I had a lot of fun with the not so in-laws.  They're a fun bunch.  And, I had never met Justin, so that was cool.  And, I got to hear some cute and funny Jody stories that he hasn't told me.  I love that he has a big sister who was old enough to remember things and give me the lowdown on all things teenage Jody.  Oh, I bet he was such a smart mouth.  I would have loved him!

So, that be that.  And ain't nothing else going on.  Hope you all are having a super fine life this week.  Be careful not to stub your toes!

Dedicated to the First Official "Rap" Song

So, this may make me a sicko, but I find this video to be tremendously funny.  It might be a good thing that I don't have children.  I think even if I did, it would be hilarious!

Now that you know I am a freakazoid, I will say that I not much be happening in the world o' Laura.  Jody's sister and nephew are in town tonight.  I am not with them, though, because I am at work.  So, they are off having a time.  And I am here having no time of any kind.  Oh well.  I will see them in the morning when I get off.  Not that kind of getting off, as I don't work at that kind of a place. Ba-Da-Ching!  Anyway, I hope they are off having a good time.  I shall bring them breakfast tacos in the morning in hopes of winning over the love of my maybe one day in-laws.

Oh, I keep forgetting that the end of the world is supposed to happen this weekend.  I can't wait!  I hope it happens, as I don't much feel like paying  my bills, going to work, or washing another dish for the rest of my life.  Sure, the world would be gone, over, finito!  But, what the hell do I care.  I am dead like the rest of them.  Wouldn't it be super awesome if it actually happened.  It's not going to, of course.  And it won't in 2012.  The world will end, the day I die.  At least it will to me.  But, I am guessing this weekend isn't going to be the big event.  Well, unless some odd ball religious group buying billboards and ad space around the country makes "God" fall in line!  I am sure "He," like the rest of us falls prey to the PR and Marketing that is the modern American way of life. I am betting, though, he doesn't.  If he did, he would already have his own reality show.  Then he would have gone on to Dancing with the Stars.  So, I take it we are all safe this weekend. I think I will make Jody take me on an end of the world date.  What does one do when the end of the world is happening?

Not too much else going on in the mad world of an aging dingbat.  I got my self some free stuff!  I got a large sample of Brez.  Apparently, it is the natural solution to stopping snoring.  Of course, I won't need them, as I only have a couple of days left to snore.  But, I got them.

I got a copy of Watch magazine.  It's not a very good magazine.  It seems all advertise-y to me.  And Magnum P.I. is on the cover.  Sure, he has a show on right now.  But, really?  Magnum P.I.?  He does have a hot 'stache.  Awarding winning, it is.  (That was my Yoda) Upon looking it up, it is put out by CBS. That's why! 

I got some free pantyliners.  I don't know who made them.  I swear, if you are a girl, you can actually never buy lady products again.  You can get them for free on the Internet all the time.  Sure, sometimes you have to sign up for things that are obviously meant for a 13 year old girl.  But, alas, I am a 35 year old who still falls off the roof.  So, I will sign up for your site.  I sure will.  You know why?  Cause tampons ain't cheap!

Well, that is it for me for the day.  I may or may not be writing in here again because it may not at all exist after this weekend.  Let's hope!

I'd Vote Out the Eye of the Tiger

Oh, the night that is tonight.  I made that sound very dramatic, didn't I?  It's not.  In fact, tonight is quite undramatic.  Of course, it was the finale of Survivor, my favorite show of all time!  Yes, I know.  It's Survivor.  Well, I love it.  And, dammit, I was so excited.  I will not speak of all things Survivor because someone else might watch it.  So, I will shut up.  But, let me tell you, I was so excited.  And if ever there was a show I wanted to be on, it is Survivor.  I would need to lose my weight in Boston Robs before I did that.  But, I would love to do it!  Sure, I have never even been camping.  But, alas, who cares.  I wanna be on it!

I would like to thank all my peeps for the glasses information.  There is so many awesome cat-eyed glasses out there.  There is also an amazing site called Zenni Optical (thank you, Aaron) that has all kinds of cute glasses.  I have about 12 pairs in my basket.  Now, I just need to go dig up my prescription.  Or go get a new one.  I do pay for some sort of eye insurance that I have never used.  Smart, right? Pay for something (for 3 years) and never use it.  Gosh, I am an idiot.  I think I should probably use it.   But, there are so many cute glasses.  I will be so stylish, I won't know what to do!  Or at least stylish in my eyes (no pun intended).  I am probably one of the most unstylish people in the free world (or the unfree world, for that matter).  But, I don't care.  I think I look cute.  I am most likely wrong.  Anyway, thank you, Wonderful People of Readerdom, for the help!

Well, I didn't get any free things yesterday because it was gosh darn Sunday.  Nothing against Sunday, but they don't deliver the mail that day.  Damn you, United States Postal Service!  How dare you not give me my mail!  Sure, you do need a day off.  And, of course, we need not spend that much of the tax payer's money just to give Laura a free sample pack of cinnamon toothpicks!  So, I will forgive you.  But, know that Monday-oh, yes, Monday-I will be looking for some fancy little do-dads in the mail!  (I have no idea if any of that punctuation was correct. I hate to admit that, but I was just going on instinct.  I think those instincts might have been wrong.  I am going for it, though.  I pains me to leave it and not look it up.  I am such a freak.  I have to also stop with these parenthetical expressions.)

Okay, enough of me for the day.  I have to get.  And I have to tinkle! I guess I should end this.  You know, I talk a whole lot about human waste in this blog without ever actually meaning to do so.  Next blog....wait for it....Vomit, Spit, and all Things Menstrual!

Don't Call Me the Wolfpack, I've Been Here for Years

What up, Party People?  As you can tell from my exciting opening there, I am having a super, awesome, fun-filled Saturday night!  Oh, wait, I'm not.  I'm at work.  Yes!  WORK!  YAHOO!  Okay, really, unless you can't read sarcasm at all, you know this is not the most thrilling thing on Earth.  It's not unthrilling. Wait, yes it is.

One thrilling thing that is going on is that I found a new awesome show!  Happy Endings! It is so funny.  Like super funny. It stars the girl that got fired from SNL for being too fat (who isn't too fat).  You know the funny one.  The one that was fat. Casey Wilson. The entire cast is pretty funny, though.  I highly recommend it (especially episode 7 if you live in a major city)! It's awesome to put on a show, love it, and then watch the entire season.  So, watch it if you are bored and haven't.  They are all on ABC.com.  Or Project Free TV.  Go watch it!  Of course, I also love Swamp People.  So, take my advice for what it is worth.  Oh, and there are no actual "happy endings" on the show.  For that, you have to go to the Megaplexxx or the "massage" place down the street.

I need a new pair of glasses.  I wish I could find a pair of really awesome, rhinestone covered cat-eye glasses.  I really want a pair.  Like super bad.

Aren't they cute?  I think I would look fabulous in them.  Of course, I have no idea if I actually would.  Would this face look okay in these glasses?  Add a tad more double chin because I look almost halfway un-double chinned in this photo.  Wait, add more triple chin. 

Just so you all know, I just sneezed 9 times in a row.  Super cool.

Anyway, I am all about getting some new glasses.  What do you thing?  Where do you even buy them?  And where do you buy them for cheap?  I live in one of the "coolest" (yes, people say that) cities in the country.  And, I can't even find them. But, I still want them.  Don't you think it would be awesome to have some!  My mom had some way back in the day.  Too bad she didn't keep them. Our eyes are about the same in horrible blindness, so I could just borrow them!

Okay, that was a wasted paragraph.  Ugh, I can type the most boring things.  This is why my fan base is 3.  And of those 3, I am one and Jody is the other.  (and the 3rd is D.G.  who I miss and wish she had a blog or facebook or something!  Do you know how much you would love the facebook games I play?  Haha).

So, before I go, I shall throw out my freebies of the last couple of days.  I am going with this segment even though it is kinda stupid.  But, I still love free stuff!  So, here they are:

A pack of Breath Right Strips - I guess I can use these when I sleep.  I can breath pretty much all the sleeping time.  And, I am not too much of a snorer.  Maybe I will slap one on Jody.  That man can snore!  It's cute.  So, I probably won't.  However, with this sneezing theme I got going on, maybe I will be stopped up and try one!

My weekly Entertainment Weekly - (just so you know, I am tired of adding links for the night.  So, the rest will be linkless.) It's got The Hangover II on the cover. I can't wait.  Part I was damn funny.  In fact, it might be the funniest movie I have ever seen.  And I like funny.  I have incredibly high standards for comedies.  That one really might top it.  Of course, I watched and loved Cabin Boy last night.  So, I might not have as great a taste as I think.

Maxim Magazine - Hey, it was free.  It isn't the best magazine.  But, it is good toilet reading (for when I take all the laxatives and fiber I get for free.).  What can I say.  And it's got some funny articles.  There is also always one really in depth article.  Also, girls in undies.  Sure, they  mostly look exactly the same, but it beats looking at decapitated heads or something.

Playboy Magazine - Oh, yes. Playboy.  For when you want straight up boobies.  The cover this week is Mick Jagger's kid.  She is surprisingly weird faced.  But, she has a nice set of cans.  I think I may be coming across as lesbiany, but again, boobs are better than decapitated heads.  Well, unless you are Jeffrey Dahmer or something.  Then you would go with the decapitated heads.  Anyway, it's free.  It's got funny jokes.  A lot of articles.  Some are even a little too well written for me.  Lord, I don't know that I need all this education and research when I am looking at someone's bleach blonde landing strip.  Just so you know, there are two!  Count them Two! centerfolds this month.  And, one of them was born in 1991!  When I was in the 9th grade.  Oh lord, I am old!

Enough of my and my randomness.  I hope all have a good day! Or night!  Or afternoon!  Or not.  I won't know.  Well, unless you tell me.  You can tell me. I  would be fine with that!

Later!

Here I Am... Rocking You Like a Hurrican

Dearest Readers of the Annoying One (that's me),

The time has come for me to announce one thing.  My week is getting worse!  For real.  I am now losing my voice.  I gotta talk a whole lot a certain periods of time at work (or in about an hour), and it is going.  I sounded like Peter Brady when I got here.  Well, maybe Peter Brady mixed with Kathleen Turner.  However, now I am just sound like an annoyance.  You know when someone loses their voice, but they keep talking?  And it's kinda squeaky yet skipping?  Well, that's me.  And, boy, does it suck!  You people have no idea how much I like to talk!  It's a lot.  A whole danged lot!  Well, if you can tell by the way and amount I write that I love to hear myself, then you get how much I like to talk.  Besides, I'm a woman. You know how we are.

So, other than that, nothing fancy happened since last I wrote.  I didn't write anything about my free stuff over the last couple of days, so I will fill you in on what I got...

A sample of FiberChoice - Apparently, the world of free samples really wants me to poop (see previous posts).

A sample pack of Salonpas Pain Relief patches - This came at a great time, as Jody has pulled a muscle in his back.  I am not sure they really helped, but I pretended they did.

My weekly copy of Entertainment Weekly with hot Johnny Depp on the cover.  Of course, it is for Pirates of the Caribbean 99923049809801293092.  I didn't care for even the first one (and I love me some Depp. Deeply for the Depp.) But, it's still one of the better magazines out there. 

A sample of Hugo Boss Boss Orange - Oh, it smells so good.  I love perfume samples because I am either too cheap or too poor (too poor) to buy actual good perfume.  So, I can smell fancy for free!

My first copy of Country Life Magazine (click that, and you too can get the Country Life!! I know you are thrilled.)  This month's tells us all about the top 10 small tractor accessories or something like that.  Now, I am sure you are wondering what a girl who lives in a hood type area of a major US city would need with Country Life Magazine.  Well, nothing. But, it was free, so I couldn't pass it up.  I have issues (no pun intended) with free things.  I must have them! Even if they are stupid. I still want them.  I mean, I have never taken a laxative in my life, but I sure do have a lot of free samples of it laying around. 

I can't think of anything else.  I am betting there is something else.  I will go home and see it in the mail pile on the coffee table and let you know later.  I don't know why I let you know these things.  I wouldn't give a rat's ass about them.  Wait, yes I would!  I think this is part of my hoarder tendencies.  Thank goodness for the show Hoarders, or I might be in really bad shape!

Okay, the speechless wonder is off.  Gotta do my job.  Or at least pretend to the best of my abilities to do my job! 

Yahoo!

The Peculiar Purple Pie Man of Porcupine Peak

In the fine tradition of Laura has the shittiest luck on all the Earth, you guessed it, more suck has happened.  Nothing horrible.  But, a big ass annoyance.  It is one of two things.  One sucks more than the other.  Either my network cable shorted out or the plug on my laptop (which is NEW!  Well, not new new, but like 4 months old new.  So, pretty damn new!) where the network cable goes went out.  Jody found another cable, but it didn't work when plugged in.  So, we are thinking it is the plug.

I did order another network cable.  It will get to us on Wednesday (or so it says).  I ordered it from Circuit City.  I thought they went out of business.  Well, apparently, they didn't.  They just went 1/2 the price of Best Buy.  And since we still have no license plates on the truck (whoopie!), I am having it delivered. So, we shall see.

The good thing is that the computer is still under warranty. And, I think I got some sort of  Geek Squad warranty because I ordered it from the old Best Buy.  I hope it is the danged old cord, though.  That would be such an easier fix. 

But, all is not bad.  I had an excellent time at the Cinco de Pie-O party.  I think I ate about 2394802 pieces of different types of pie.  It was awesome. I  am still full from it.  Wait, that's a lie.  I'm not.  I am full from nothing.  I ate a Lean Cuisine meal earlier, but that doesn't really fill one up.  But, the party was a great time.  I ate, beat the hell out of a pinata, and got to hang out some some super fun people. This is just a sampling (I stole Katie's photo, as I am the only person of my generation who doesn't take a million pictures of everything.  I used to be...look at earlier blogs.  But, I stopped because I am just to lazy to move my arms that much.):

And this doesn't even begin to cover it.  Add pizzas made on a grill!!!, another pot pie, a mac and cheese pie with a bacon crust, and about 16 other desert pies and cobblers and cheesecake (it was sooooo goooood).  You know, what?  I should show you more pies!

It was pretty good, if I do say so myself.  And, thank you to all my friends who take pictures with cool iPhone effects.  My BlackBerry can only do so much.  Poor, lowly BlackBerry.  Pies, though!  Pies!

So, that's about enough out of me for one sitting.  Pies and misery.  Ah, who can ask for anything more?  Me, that's who!

Ugh!

We Don't Need No Water...

It's Saturday!  There is no annoying teenager song for Saturday.  Well, I guess there is.  Bay City Rollers.  S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y- NIGHT!  But, they are like 64 now, so I don't count that as an annoying teenager song anymore.  Back to blog.

Saturday.  I am dressed and prepared for on Cinco de Pie-O party at the Casa de Kristy and Koley.  I made my Lemon Ice Box Pie.  The filling was really good, so I hope it goes over well.  Oh, what am I saying.  It's pie.  Pie always goes over well. 

I slept all day, though.  I had meant to do somethings, but I didn't.  I actually woke  up at 5.  Well, first I woke up at like 10:30 after sleeping a whooping 3 hours.  Super fun.  I was woken up by the fire department.  In fact, this is the second day in a row that at about 10:30 in the morning, we have been woken up by firemen!

Yesterday, one knocked on the door.  Pretty hard, too.  Jody jumped up and answered the door.  It was a fireman here to check out smoke detector.  In fact, he said he had an appointment to check it.  I have no idea who made that appointment, but it wasn't us.  Now, I know what you are thinking.  No, he didn't rob us.  It was the oddest thing.  Ours works because we aren't retarded nor have we had enough fires to keep it going off on a constant basis.  So, the batteries weren't worn down. Jody pushed the button, it worked, and he left. 

Odd, right?  I think I recall that happening once before when I lived off of Woodward.  But, I might have made that up in my head.  But, it was weird.  Is it because we are in sort of a hood?  And why at such an odd time?  Who is home at that time of the morning beside us?  I mean, our street is pretty gentrified.  And if it hadn't worked, would they have given us a new one? 

Then this morning about the same damn time comes another pounding on the door.  What the fuck, right?  Well, this time it is a whole fire truck full of fire people!  One is at our door.  Jody answers it.  And they ask for a Mr. Harrison.  Jody says you have the wrong house.  The he asks if this is 003294398 address.  Yes it is, but there is no Mr. Harrison.  The fireman tells us that is what the lady wrote down.  Well, the lady was wrong.  So, he shuts the door.  The firemen discuss it at some length, but I guess are satisfied that there is no Mr. Harrison here.  After about 10 minutes hanging around in the road, they leave. 

Now, they might have tried a couple more houses.  There are only 14 houses on our whole street.  So, maybe they could have gone to the houses around us.  I don't think they did.  I sure hope Mr. Harrison isn't on fire because they left.  Of course, if he had had them check his smoke detector yesterday, he might not have been in need of a firetruck.

So, that was our exciting two days of fireman happenings.  I am getting excited about eating some  non-fruit pie!

I Bet Pepperoni Would Make Me Shit Fire for Days

Wanna know something that sucks?  Losing the license plate to your car.  Yep, gone.  Gone somewhere across the land hopefully not being used in a bank robbery.  You wanna know what happens when you lose your license plate?  I don't know.  So, if you do, let me know.  We gotta figure out how to get a new one.  Wanna know the crappiest part about it?  It's registered in Mississippi!  Yes, Mississippi.  It's cheaper there, and to get a car registered in Texas is like figuring out calculus.  To me, not very doable.  Also, we are lazy, and it was easy.  Guessing we are regretting that now.  Dang.  That's all I can say.

I did get a sample of Boss Orange in the mail.  Oh, and a nice travel book and map of the Byways of the United States.  Guess where there aren't any?  Texas!  I guess we aren't a bywaying type of state.  We don't need any of those gosh darn byways.  We are a highway and freeway type state.  Yes, sir.  Besides, we have no license plates.  We can't go anywhere, anyway.  So, pooh on you, Byways.  We're staying home!  But we will smell good whilst we sit here!

Tomorrow is Cinco de Pie-O!  That is a truly exciting thing.  I can't wait for some pie.  I don't generally like pie.  I mean fruit pie.  Chocolate and Lemon (party) and Coconut are great. Well, sans meringue. I hate meringue.  Pecan, too.  Wait, I don't hate pecan.  That kinda sounded like I do.  You don't get thighs this dimply without loving some pecan pie.  Anyway, I hate hot fruit.  Actually, I hate fruit not in fruit form.  Applesauce is fine, but the rest of it is gross. And you people who like it are gross.  Oh, bananas cool.  But, that's not really a fruit.  If you can't eat it on diets, it ain't fruit!  Actually, bananas are 0 points on Weight Watchers now.  Hurray for that and my everlasting Weight Watchers membership.  But, I digress.  Hot fruit and fruit pies are disgusting!

But, I am not going to be eating that kind of pie.  I will be eating the other pies!  Well, any vegetarian pie.  I hear there will be some sort of chicken pot pie.  None of that for me.  You have no idea what chicken can do to a vegetarians stomach (and colon). One bite of anything containing even chicken broth can bring a vegetarian down quickly!  But,  I hear there will be pizza pie.  I like pizza pie!  Or pizza, as we normally call it.

I am making Lemon Icebox Pie.  I hope it comes out okay. It's pretty easy.  I am going for this pie that one of my step-father's used to make.  He was kind of an ass (sorry if you read this, but you kinda are). But, my lord, he could cook.  For real.  Like a real Southern woman.  I am not kidding.  He would make things, and you could figure out how cram four helpings in (of course, if you reference my dimply thigh comment, you will know that I can eat a whole lot).  So, he used to make these pies that he called cheesecakes.  They weren't cheesecakes.  They were Lemon Icebox Pies.  And, seriously, Karen Carpenter would have eaten an entire one.  That good.  So, I am going to try it.  I mean, the ingredients are so that you can't really go wrong if you just smush it all together.  So, let's hope I don't fuck up an almost unfuck upable recipe.  Man, I almost wish that guy was still around to make these incredible au gratin potatoes he used to make.  You'd gain 11lbs eating the damn things, but they were good.  Maybe even worth his asshatedness!  He had a good sense of humor, though.  You know how I appreciate that. Or you don't.  I have no idea who I am talking to.

Okay, ramble, ramble, ramble.  Other people are so good at writing short, funny, effective (or should that be affective?  Nah, I'm going effective because I am going for effect there.  Wow, inner dialogue written out.  I am sleepy, aren't I?  I didn't even realize I was doing that. What did I just say about the long, overnight shifts. Ugh!) Anyway, I go on for hours.  Lord, look at that parenthetical whatever the word is that is supposed to follow that word in that situation.  And I've got a masters in English (say that like "And you wanna be my latex salesman.")

Just so you know Gravy Masters is written across the television screen.  That totally cracked me up.  Back to what I was saying.

Oh, I was talking about rambling. I have to go or this may never stop. For real.  It might not. I have to quit before more parenthesis happen.  Agh.  Someone stop me!  Help.  I'm out of control.  Okay, rambling.

Bye

Read This Blog for Some Excitment

Well, it seems I forgot to blog yesterday.  I totally meant to, but I didn't.  In fact, I kinda forgot about this whole dang thing.  Well, so much for me keeping up with it regularly because I am half a tard (I'm erasing the R word and going for something much more offensive). I guess, though, missing one day doesn't constitute not keeping it up regularly.  However, the year before that counts.  Well, I am here today!

So, not a damn thing has happened since last time.  I did watch Due Date starring the wondrously, hilarious Zack Galifianakis.  I have no idea if that is how you spell his name. I'm not checking either.  If it is, it is.  If it isn't, it isn't.  I doubt he will ever find out about this, so I don't think it matters.  It's a funny movie.  I saw it at the movies when it came out.  But, I rewatched it.  It has some touching moments that kinda fuck it up.  But, it is still funny.  Wow.  That was exciting reading.

What's else is new? Osama Bin Laden is dead.  That's new.  Um, what else?  Oh, Trav's little sister Toni got married. That's super exciting!  I have been Internet spying through facebook at pictures.  She looked gorgeous!  And they had a Rubik's Cube cake.  My dog ate a pair of flip flops of mine yesterday.  I owned them for about 21 hours.  I ate scrambled eggs for breakfast.  Wow.  I am exciting.  Enough to write a whole blog about!

I did get a free thing yesterday!  That was awesome.  I got my weekly copy of Entertainment Weekly.  I love free magazine subscriptions.  Especially good ones.  I also got 4 Wheel and Off Road.  However, I don't so much care about that one.  But, Entertainment Weekly is the best!  It's entertaining on a weekly basis.  I get lots of free subscriptions.  We have almost too many magazines to read every month.  But, that's okay.  I read them!  They might pile up a bit, but I do get to all of them.  Our bathroom is like the periodical section of the public library (yes they have all been flagged). 

Okay, enough bored writing for the evening.  I will write even more boring stuff tomorrow night!  Hurray!