Things I have realized in the last half hour

1. I do not ever want to have a beard.

2. Darlin' Nikki is a really cool song. Like really cool. The drums are awesome, and all know how I love me some drummer.

3. My hair will never ever ever be wash, brush, and go. Every day will include a
flatiron (is that supposed to be one word?), a curling iron, or lots of rubber
bands and bobbie pins. That is a harsh reality to face.

4. I just will never love facebook the way I love myspace. Yet, I have to be there
because myspace is now a rocky place where my seed can find no purchase. And I am
addicted to social network sites, so I must go there.

5. There is no way every one of my facebook friends is that happy. Come on! All you
people from high school? There is just no way. One of you is regularly beaten by
your spouse. One of you hates your kids. One of you is fucking your kids. One
of you is damn near bankrupt. I just don't know who because you are all smiling
and happy in your photos! But you can't be! There is just no way. But, there
you all are, smiling in the photos.

6. I like a Beyonce song. And I have to come to grips with it. I know it's okay.
Everyone is allowed on Beyonce song whether it be Beyonce, Plain White Ts, Jonas
Brothers, or Rascal Flats. It is not okay if your Beyonce song is Celine Dion.

7. I will never like mint. I won't. And I will never love a toothpaste. But, I
keep on brushing through the taste.

8. I love reading, but I am so tired of it. School has sucked the read out of me. I
am sure it will come back. But, as of right now, I am so sick of reading.

9. Every time I hear Moving in Stereo I see
Pheobe Cates' boobs appear before me. Unfortunately every time I hear Just What I Needed I think of Boys Don't Cry. Then I get all sad and cry-y.

10. I have made the format of this blog all goony. I wonder how. Wow, I am impressive. I don't even know how I did that. Lord, I am cool!

Pork Chop Sandwiches!

Today I aim to blog about a gripe I have. It isn't a major gripe. In fact, I might be an ass for even thinking it is a gripe. It is just something that annoys me. So here goes:

So, I go to Which Wich for dinner tonight on my way to work. I usually don't go to places like Which Wich because I am an Austinite, and we hate that kind of thing. However, I can see Which Wich from my office. It's really close. Like really close. It's about a half block away. So, on the occasion you have to go. It was either that, Chipotle, or a plethora of fast food. Plus, I wanted the hell out of a sandwich.

So, I go and fill out my little bag. I give it to the person, who tells me I owe them $8 for a sandwich and a drink. Then I wait. And this is the gripe....hold it...hold it....I hear them call my name (which you have to write on your bag). It takes a minute to be sure they are actually saying something out loud since the radio is blaring. A few other customers look up. I hear that somewhat talk noise again. Yep, they are calling my name.

I walk up, start to take the bag, and notice it says Lawson. So, I don't pick it up. The guy again says what I hear as Lala (which is much closer to Laura than Lawson). I am still standing right there, and I still can't really hear him. Lala's sandwich sits there for a bit until the guy says, "Mario." He clearly says Mario. They customer next to me realizes that this is his order. He is picking up Lala and Mario's order. He must be Mario. Nope, he is Matt. But, this is his order. He makes sure, but yes, that is his bag. So he leaves.

This happens to almost all the people in front of me. This lightly said wrong name has everyone confused. I finally get mine (because I counted the number of bags hanging until you got to mine). I am not sure he ever did say my name, but I got my sandwich and left.

Now, it may seem stupid that I am griping about this. But, if the only way to let the customer know that their order is ready is to say their name loudly over a very loud and annoying remake of Sting's Fields of Gold, then maybe you ought to say the correct name, and do it loudly (or at leas audibly). I mean, I might not hear you over the retching that is happening to me from hearing the remake of a terrible song done much more terribly!

So, that's my gripe. It just annoyed me. Sure the economy is in the crapper. Sure we are still a nation full of racists and child molesters and rapists and murderers. But, I gotta gripe about the Which Wich guy. Ain't I nice? (Oh, and can I type Which Wich enough?)

I am obsessed

with The Secret Life of the American Teen. Thank all that is holy it is on youtube! It's quite sad because I am an old lady without kids, and it is about a young lady having a kid. I'm such a loser.

Movies! Movies! Movies!

Go see The Wrestler. It is an excellent film. It should win best picture. I even have to give it to Mickey Rourke. I don't think anyone else could have been that character. Also, I think Marisa Tomei is amazing. Be prepared to feel like shit and cry a lot. But, it truly is a great movie.

Do not see Burn After Reading. Let me state that I love the Coen Brothers. Actually, it is far more than that. I believe they may be the people to do the movie that causes world peace! This is not the movie. Oh, it sucked so bad! I was so disappointed. It was predictable, boring, long, boring, not witty at all, the plot twists where stupid and predictable, boring, long, and seemingly a joke. Did I mention boring. I was like it was a caricature of a Coen Brothers' movie. Don't see it. It sucked

And it just keeps getting better!

Eight days ago I spent $289 to get my laptop fixed. For eight glorious days I got to use my baby, my love, the machine which holds everything in my life stored within its confines. For eight Fabulous days all my music, pictures, games, and super fast Internet where in my lap!

Today, I did this:





This, along with a huge cut on my arm, a near concussion, no sleep at all (none), an almost dishwasher fire, a broken pipe flooding my closet, a delayed plane flight, my neighbors dog tearing my favorite and oldest shirt, and still shitty back made today a happy day for me. Ugh! Life rules!

My back!

In keeping with my ever aging self, it seems I have thrown out my back! Yes, I am getting old and rickety. See, I did this incredible thing. I bent over. Yep, bent over and there it goes. I can't move. Day two now. I am feeling better, but it still hurts like a son of a bitch. Oh, mix old age, fatness, big boobs, and an utter lack of movement, and this is what you get. Hurray! It might have been the shoes I wore on Valentine's day (which was awesome, by the way). Oh well. At least I can walk now, kinda. I did get to spend most of the day playing Spore because I couldn't do much else. Of course, getting up to pee was a bit difficult.

Ugh!

Dudley Do Right, why can't I sleep?

I mean, really! Is it that hard. It's sleep. I have been doing it for years. Practice almost every damn day or night of the week. Yet, somehow-this week-I have forgotten how to do it! Balderdash!

So, here are some pictures just because I want to add pictures. Don't question me, I'm sleepy!

I'm lying, it's a video.

Tuesday

Absinthe, a dog show, Wii Golf, Taco Bell, and Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches.

Zack and Miri Make a Porn

I have seen what may be one of the best movies ever made! I have seen Zack and Miri Make a Porno. I think it may be one of my favorite movies. And it is hard to crack Laura's favorite movie list. But, this one did it. It was great!

There is funny, love, sad, and a good fucking ending! Thank all that is holy for a good ending that didn't take a year and lots of misery to get to. That doesn't give anything away.

There was one point where I was laughing so hard (no pun intended, although I am not sure if that is a pun. I just wanted to say that) that I thought I was going to have to turn off the movie. That funny! And then I almost cried. And that was awesome, too! Oh it is so good.

It doesn't hurt that it has my boyfriend (with whom I share with Mandy) Seth Rogen in it. I also have a love for Craig Robinson (who stars in the Office and is a damn funny comedian). He is hilarious. It also stars the world's most well spoken porn star Katie Morgan who is so cute, I don't mind her terrible boob job. In fact, I think they look cute on her. Then there is Traci Lords who needs no explanation because she is super fucking awesome. And to top it off we get to see Jay's penis! He looks pretty good all unheroin, tattooed, and in shape. And you get to see a whole lot of him. It rules!

I highly recommend this movie. Well, that is if you have my sense of humor. If you don't, you may find it offensive and of bad taste. And since those are my two favorite qualities in anything, I freaking love it!

I don't recommend Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. First, I may be too old. But, they also kinda gypped the story a bit. I see why it didn't do well, but it probably could have. I mean, the hipsterness, it is strong. Good idea, decent execution, but not nearly as good as I wanted it to be.

All I gotta say is that if Nick Cera doesn't do the Arrested Development movie because he thinks he's a cool movie star now, he is wrong! He better freaking do it. George Michael, please don't let me down!

What the hell is going on with Myspace (besides the fact that everyone has left it)?

In the past few days, I have gotten a lot of messages on myspace. They are all weird! Very exciting, but weird.

1. From:
Veronica Torres

Hello, my name is Veronica and I was wondering if you could help me with something. I am a dominatrix and I am searching for women that would be willing to dominate me male slave. He would be there for your enjoyment and pleasure for you to use.

You can have him worship your feet or be more extreme that is up to you (I can give you more ideas too). I am training him to learn that all women are superior and that he will serve who I tell him.

If you are interested please write me back and we can discuss it more and maybe set something up.

Mistress

Not a bad option! In fact, this might be fun. And seeing as I have been employeed for a couple of years of my life in jobs that did cause me to act as a dominatrix, this should be right up my alley. But, I wonder why I got this? Odd! Of course, I have a fairly decent job, and go to school. I just don't have the time. So, I think I will pass on Mistress' offer.

2. Worst Dates
myspace.com/gnyceness

author
Body:
Hi, My co-author Emily and I (Greg) are working on a book project about horrible dates for women dealing with men. It's a collection of real life stories. Some guys can be weird, clueless, stupid and pure jerks. We are hoping you would share one of your really bad dates with us? Give us the funny, sad, awful and(or) lessons learned. We like details and we dont care if its offensive. Also worst comments and pick-up lines are welcome too. Thank you for reading this and take care.


Well, I guess this isn't so abnormal, but since my status is "In a Relationship," I can't figure out why they sent it. Did someone just sign me up for a men suck club or something? And how did they find me? And who the hell wants to read a book about horrible dates for women dealing with me? I prefer to get my stories about bad dates in tiny paragraph snippets in Glamour or Cosmo. Seriously? I hate to tell the guy that this ain't gonna sell. And why does he hate his gender so? I guess Emily up there is egging him on. Another odd email!

3. christian

christian williams

myspace.com/444283186

Body:
Hello Boo
Wow I am here looking at your profile......Ussshhh God when I saw your profile, I must say I was really captivated and absorbed, My heart stumbled for you , My eyes are on you I have never seen a woman That look so captivating, enchanting, charming, gorgeous, sweet in my life before .You are the most sweetest woman I have ever seen in my life, I am looking for a partner in life and I want someone That will be there for each other both in bad and in good times, I think you are the woman I really need, desire my life, its good to have feelings for someone like you because I know you must be open minded, honesty, caring,loving, I really pray now that you will be the one for me, I will never look at any other woman eyes again in my life I will take you as My Queen and My soul mate forever I want you to know I really need a woman and looking at your eyes... makes my heart skip a bit and My soul is dieing of your love, I would like to know you better, You Can you e-mail me to christianwilliams26@yahoo.com cause i do not come here much, Or Im (Instant Message) on Yahoo Messenger,let chat and know each other better, I pray you get back to me, I Can’t wait to know a Queen like you. I am here waiting to hear from you. Bye for now boo

Christian.

Well, I guess being someone's boo before you even meet them should be flattering. However, when it is from some sort of Bot, I am not so sure. But, that's beside the point. Isn't this creepy? What computer hacker/phisher, never getting laid, dorkwad thinks this is going to work? I may not be the prettiest or thinnest leaf on the lady tree, but even me as a single gal wouldn't fall for this. Come on! If you look at the picture, the guy is gorgeous. Yes, he has horrible grammar and is truly searching for a Queen (what's with the capital Q?), but he's pretty. So, I am sure he would want the likes of me. What's awesome is he doesn't have any myspace friends. This is as see-through as a Nigerian Prince needing my help with his millions! Odd!

What a bunch of Schmohawks.

Enough for now. Later