So, it's finally the end of 2009. What a year it has been. I have watched a whole shitload of TV. I have gone to the movies a bunch. I ate out more times than I should have. And, I spent a lot of time just hanging out.
What exciting happened this year? I got a masters degree. That was pretty cool. I haven't done anything with it because of this recession and unemployment issues and all. But, I got it. And one day, I shall!
Jody and I celebrated our second year as a couple. Couple of goons, if you ask me. But, together we have been for two years. It has been a great two years. The weird thing is that I can't much remember life before him. I mean, I do. But, it seems so weird and so long ago. I am very much in love with the goober. And if it weren't for him, I would never have found an International Accordion Festival to attend!
We got our new Gussy! He is the cutest damn dog. He really is. He's sweet as he can be. He is super hyper. He poops on anything that sits still. And if he doesn't poop on it, he chews it up. Sure he has eaten most of our possessions, but he is still our sweet, stupid little Gus! And we love him. Now, if he can just re-get that pooping outside thing! (if anyone has suggestions, send them my way)
We moved to a whole new part of the city that I hadn't lived in before. It is very suburban and all that that entails. I am not sure if we will stay in the area after our lease is up because living amongst the Kate Gosselins is not my idea of fun. Neither is living in a gigantic apartment complex compound type area. But, we don't have hookers or crack houses anywhere near us. That's a major plus! The grocery store is fantastic, but the grocery store patrons suck. Seeing a woman being escorted out of the grocery store by a bagger who is holding her one bag and an umbrella over her head is something I jsut don't care to see. But, neither is a pimp screaming at his bottom bitch. So, I guess it is a fair trade. The electric bill is down about $600 a month. So, all in all, not a bad move.
This may sound pathetic, but in 2009 I finally mastered the fine art of chopsticks! Now, I know that may sound funny or sad or pathetic. It is. But, I eat a lot of Thai and Vietnamese food. In fact, my favorite restaurant in this town is Pho Van, a Vietnamese restaurant. There ain't a fork in the place! So, after some years, I finally figured out how to use them! I am not perfect, but I can actually eat. And Jody doesn't even laugh at me when I accidentally sling food on myself (which I do often). So, I feel that is a major accomplishment!
All in all, a good year. I was pretty proud of the degree and the chopsticks thing. I am so glad to be with a great man who loves fun out of town jaunts and making out with me in public. And, I got a dog who seems to hate me, but is really cute.
Let's see what the 2010 brings. I hope I don't die!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Staunch Characters!
Well, once again Christmas time has come and gone. This year, it was just the Jodster and I on Christmas day. But, it was a great one! I got a lot off good stuff! I think I got Jody a present he really likes. And he got me one that I have wanted for forever! Wanna see what it is? Well, I have a picture, but it isn't on this computer. So, I am going to put a stock photo!
My Grey Gardens book! I am so excited. For those of you who don't know what Grey Gardens is, it is a documentary about Big Edie and Little Edie Beale. They are aunt and cousin to Jackie O (or Kennedy at the time). They are cuckoo birds who live in Grey Gardens, a dilapitdated house in the Hamptons. If you have never seen it, I highly recommend it! It is one of the most amazing pieces of art I have ever seen.
I really can't express enough how much I like this documentary. I love documentaries in general. And the Maysles are excellent documentary makers. But, this subject is just enthralling. I want it to go on and on. I wish I had met Little Edie. I see a bit of me in her. She is such a sympathetic character. Her mother made her a nut job!
There is a movie made of the documentary starring Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange. Now, I at first I was appalled by this. However, after having watched it, I think it was very good. It was done with the utmost respect for the subjects. And I think it might be the only really good acting Drew Barrymore has done. So, I don't object to it at all. It has a bit more insight than the documentary because it goes into their history a bit.
All in all, it is just fascinating! It truly is. Rent it, watch it, love it! I do!
So, that was Christmas. Well, not really. I got a bunch of good stuff (including my sister's old camera! Thank goodness! Now I can take pictures again that aren't with my stinky camera phone!). I had a really good meal. I got to make out with a fantastic boy who let me listen to way too much Christmas music and watch way too many Christmas movies even though he isn't all that much of a fan.
All in all, a great day! Now, onto the new year! Let's hope it is a great one!
My Grey Gardens book! I am so excited. For those of you who don't know what Grey Gardens is, it is a documentary about Big Edie and Little Edie Beale. They are aunt and cousin to Jackie O (or Kennedy at the time). They are cuckoo birds who live in Grey Gardens, a dilapitdated house in the Hamptons. If you have never seen it, I highly recommend it! It is one of the most amazing pieces of art I have ever seen.
I really can't express enough how much I like this documentary. I love documentaries in general. And the Maysles are excellent documentary makers. But, this subject is just enthralling. I want it to go on and on. I wish I had met Little Edie. I see a bit of me in her. She is such a sympathetic character. Her mother made her a nut job!
There is a movie made of the documentary starring Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange. Now, I at first I was appalled by this. However, after having watched it, I think it was very good. It was done with the utmost respect for the subjects. And I think it might be the only really good acting Drew Barrymore has done. So, I don't object to it at all. It has a bit more insight than the documentary because it goes into their history a bit.
All in all, it is just fascinating! It truly is. Rent it, watch it, love it! I do!
So, that was Christmas. Well, not really. I got a bunch of good stuff (including my sister's old camera! Thank goodness! Now I can take pictures again that aren't with my stinky camera phone!). I had a really good meal. I got to make out with a fantastic boy who let me listen to way too much Christmas music and watch way too many Christmas movies even though he isn't all that much of a fan.
All in all, a great day! Now, onto the new year! Let's hope it is a great one!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Jody called me a Poop Face!
In Canada Lait au Polulet is what they call egg nog. Translated, that is chicken milk. Translated, that is the grossest thing I have ever heard! But, it sure is funny. Chicken milk. Yuck!
I saw the trailer for the Karate Kid movie. (Do I capitalize that since it really isn't the title?) Anyway, they have turned Wax On, Wax Off into Jacket On, Jacket Off. Jacket off? Did no one on the production team realize that Jackie Chan telling Will Smith's kid to Jacket Off is about a pervy and freaking hilarious as you can get! Jacket off. Hell, Jody says that to me all the time! I didn't know he was wanting me to practice karate!
I have the song Woman in Love in my head. I think that is the title. It is sung by Barbara Streisand and written by Barry Gibb. It is so overly dramatic! It's horrible, but I love it like one would a Captain and Tennille song. But, I can't help it. It is one of those awesomely bad songs like I'm Your Lady by Celine Dione or Strong Enough by Cheryl Crow. I have no idea if these are the actual titles, but I don't want to research it right now. I will fix it later if they are wrong. But, you know what I mean? Songs that are horrible, but they are done with such amazing drama and feeling? You have to appreciate them. I might make a list of them one day. I really like those types of songs. Anyway, that song is in my head. I think you wanted to know that.
I think I might have just done that whole paragraph in italics. I am kind of a tard when it comes to this thing. I will fix it later if I did. I did. I looked at the preview. Fixing coming up.
Christmas is in two days, and I gotta bleach my hair for Santa! He will be scared away by my awful roots. I look like Britney Spears about two days before she went Spearsy and shaved her head. Remember that look? Not a good one. Oh, and I have a zit on the end of my nose that I had to pick at like a meth fiend. So, for Christmas I am going as Rudolph the Red-Nosed year ago nutty Britney Spears.
Now I am off to hang out with some peoples whom I dig! I shall be back later to make this fabulously flawed blog post. Or will I?
I saw the trailer for the Karate Kid movie. (Do I capitalize that since it really isn't the title?) Anyway, they have turned Wax On, Wax Off into Jacket On, Jacket Off. Jacket off? Did no one on the production team realize that Jackie Chan telling Will Smith's kid to Jacket Off is about a pervy and freaking hilarious as you can get! Jacket off. Hell, Jody says that to me all the time! I didn't know he was wanting me to practice karate!
I have the song Woman in Love in my head. I think that is the title. It is sung by Barbara Streisand and written by Barry Gibb. It is so overly dramatic! It's horrible, but I love it like one would a Captain and Tennille song. But, I can't help it. It is one of those awesomely bad songs like I'm Your Lady by Celine Dione or Strong Enough by Cheryl Crow. I have no idea if these are the actual titles, but I don't want to research it right now. I will fix it later if they are wrong. But, you know what I mean? Songs that are horrible, but they are done with such amazing drama and feeling? You have to appreciate them. I might make a list of them one day. I really like those types of songs. Anyway, that song is in my head. I think you wanted to know that.
I think I might have just done that whole paragraph in italics. I am kind of a tard when it comes to this thing. I will fix it later if I did. I did. I looked at the preview. Fixing coming up.
Christmas is in two days, and I gotta bleach my hair for Santa! He will be scared away by my awful roots. I look like Britney Spears about two days before she went Spearsy and shaved her head. Remember that look? Not a good one. Oh, and I have a zit on the end of my nose that I had to pick at like a meth fiend. So, for Christmas I am going as Rudolph the Red-Nosed year ago nutty Britney Spears.
Now I am off to hang out with some peoples whom I dig! I shall be back later to make this fabulously flawed blog post. Or will I?
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
My lazy ass is writing again! Hurray!
Oh, Blog. How I have neglected you. It isn't as if I haven't been too busy to write. I haven't. Well, I have. But it isn't really busy if you consider it is playing Farmtown on Facebook. I have just been a lazy girl, as of late. But, tonight, tonight I will show you just what I am made of. I will throw out my writing skills like no one else. I will give you, Blog, a Judy Chop, a Ningy Chop, and the most famous of all, the Karate Chop. Blog, I will kick your ass with some Master's Degree in English with a focus in creative writing style writing. And I will let you know that I will not Ningy anyone that don't need Ninjying.
Okay, that being said, I sure have been lazy. The world has been turning around me, and I have not stopped to let all you fabulous people know what has been going on. For the most part, not a damn thing!
The Jodster and I are ready for Christmas! We are doing Christmas at home with ourselves this year. We were going to venture to the Mississippi to hang out with his family, but thanks to a huge pet deposit, a set of tires, and about a trillion other expenses this month, we are rescheduling for next month. So, we are going to hang out with each other.
We got ourselves a baby tree.
Well, I have had it. Jody didn't go picking out the Cinderella on top. But, isn't it just adorable. It's the cutest little tree. So, we shall gather round and open presents. Not too many, but some. I know it may sound greedy, but we got each other gifts instead of other people. That means they will get amazing birthday presents! But, you know, sometimes you just want to have your little presents and fun. That probably does sound pretty shitty. But, my life sucks most of the time. So, sometimes getting a present peps you up a little!
Anyway, we have plans, of course. I will be working at some point. But, we are going to have a great Christmas Even Mexican Fiesta with our friends David and Steve. Then the day after Christmas, Jody's oldest friend will be coming to spend a couple of days. So, even though we aren't going to be familying it up. We are going to have fun! I must say that I will miss the annual Ferguson Family Pictionary Tournament. Of course, I was going to miss it anyway since we were heading up to the Mississippi. But, I will just be more ready for it next year! Luckily, I do get to do a little family visiting just after Christmas. Just not on the day.
What else is going on in the good world of this poor, yet humble Austinite? Not too much. For real. How sad. I have been working and hanging out. You know, the normal. I had a great dinner over at a friend's house the other night. You can never beat homemade veggie lasagna and mucho glasses of wine. Wrapped presents with David and Steve the other day. Made out with Jody the other night for like an hour. He is so fun to make out with! Been to work about a trillion times since last I wrote which may be a month ago now!
Oh, Kate and Paul left! They have moved on. That sucks. Baltimore. They moved to Baltimore where Ryan and Emily also moved. I think the whole lot of us may end up there. Then I saw that snow storm on the news, and I decided that would be a bad idea!
But, I can't believe it. Here someone in our group finally decides to go and have a kiddo, and we aren't even going to be around to see her! Dang! That just means we will have to visit. But, it is so sad that they left. But, being a professor and a researcher at prestigious universities is probably a damn good reason to move. Of course, they might have stuck it out here just for our Thursday night hang out. But, alas, the did not. Career and all that, I guess!
I shall miss them, though. Never two more worthy Catan opponents have I beaten!
The rest of my world involves watching TV, sleeping, and really doing not much of anything, as any good American would do. I do recommend watching Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew! Holy Hell, what a show!
Okay, enough of me. I will keep up with this more because I know how much I love to hear myself talk. So, why wouldn't others? Ha!
Okay, that being said, I sure have been lazy. The world has been turning around me, and I have not stopped to let all you fabulous people know what has been going on. For the most part, not a damn thing!
The Jodster and I are ready for Christmas! We are doing Christmas at home with ourselves this year. We were going to venture to the Mississippi to hang out with his family, but thanks to a huge pet deposit, a set of tires, and about a trillion other expenses this month, we are rescheduling for next month. So, we are going to hang out with each other.
We got ourselves a baby tree.
Well, I have had it. Jody didn't go picking out the Cinderella on top. But, isn't it just adorable. It's the cutest little tree. So, we shall gather round and open presents. Not too many, but some. I know it may sound greedy, but we got each other gifts instead of other people. That means they will get amazing birthday presents! But, you know, sometimes you just want to have your little presents and fun. That probably does sound pretty shitty. But, my life sucks most of the time. So, sometimes getting a present peps you up a little!
Anyway, we have plans, of course. I will be working at some point. But, we are going to have a great Christmas Even Mexican Fiesta with our friends David and Steve. Then the day after Christmas, Jody's oldest friend will be coming to spend a couple of days. So, even though we aren't going to be familying it up. We are going to have fun! I must say that I will miss the annual Ferguson Family Pictionary Tournament. Of course, I was going to miss it anyway since we were heading up to the Mississippi. But, I will just be more ready for it next year! Luckily, I do get to do a little family visiting just after Christmas. Just not on the day.
What else is going on in the good world of this poor, yet humble Austinite? Not too much. For real. How sad. I have been working and hanging out. You know, the normal. I had a great dinner over at a friend's house the other night. You can never beat homemade veggie lasagna and mucho glasses of wine. Wrapped presents with David and Steve the other day. Made out with Jody the other night for like an hour. He is so fun to make out with! Been to work about a trillion times since last I wrote which may be a month ago now!
Oh, Kate and Paul left! They have moved on. That sucks. Baltimore. They moved to Baltimore where Ryan and Emily also moved. I think the whole lot of us may end up there. Then I saw that snow storm on the news, and I decided that would be a bad idea!
But, I can't believe it. Here someone in our group finally decides to go and have a kiddo, and we aren't even going to be around to see her! Dang! That just means we will have to visit. But, it is so sad that they left. But, being a professor and a researcher at prestigious universities is probably a damn good reason to move. Of course, they might have stuck it out here just for our Thursday night hang out. But, alas, the did not. Career and all that, I guess!
I shall miss them, though. Never two more worthy Catan opponents have I beaten!
The rest of my world involves watching TV, sleeping, and really doing not much of anything, as any good American would do. I do recommend watching Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew! Holy Hell, what a show!
Okay, enough of me. I will keep up with this more because I know how much I love to hear myself talk. So, why wouldn't others? Ha!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Jody Cooked my Crab Claw...And That Really Hurt
I recommend getting a boyfriend who is Cajun and likes to cook. It makes for a fabulous Thanksgiving feast of Crawfish Pie and Seafood Gumbo. Sure, I'm a vegetarian. But, I venture the seafood route on occasion. Sometimes more than I should. And tonight was one of those nights. Oh, it was so so so so so good!
I told the Jodster that this is going to be our new tradition. It was so good. And there is a whole lot of it.
Then we went and made banana pudding. I love that awesome son of a bitch! I really do. In the immortal words of Salt N Pepa...what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man!
So, my Thanksgiving went pretty damn well. Boy Howdy, I had a good day.
I told the Jodster that this is going to be our new tradition. It was so good. And there is a whole lot of it.
Then we went and made banana pudding. I love that awesome son of a bitch! I really do. In the immortal words of Salt N Pepa...what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man!
So, my Thanksgiving went pretty damn well. Boy Howdy, I had a good day.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
I'm a Champion Spella!
I am very glad that I have coworkers who care about the environment. I care about the environment. I mean, I am not nuts about it, but I do recycle. I don't get gas before 6 pm if I can help it. I use the dishwasher at night. I use CFLs when I can. You know, the normal things that people do.
So, upon seeing the introduction of a sign advising us to bring our own cups from home with a list of reasons why we should not use the coffee cups supplied is a great thing to have! Except that it seems this great Earth lover doesn't have the same passion for spelling and grammar. You people have no idea how much I want to correct this with a giant Sharpee! Thanks for the effort, Greenie. But, good lord, use the spell check!
The funniest part is that STYROFOAM is spelled correctly throughout the poster, just not in the big assed title! This is why I love people!
I sure hope I didn't spell anything incorrectly in this post. Hehe!
So, upon seeing the introduction of a sign advising us to bring our own cups from home with a list of reasons why we should not use the coffee cups supplied is a great thing to have! Except that it seems this great Earth lover doesn't have the same passion for spelling and grammar. You people have no idea how much I want to correct this with a giant Sharpee! Thanks for the effort, Greenie. But, good lord, use the spell check!
The funniest part is that STYROFOAM is spelled correctly throughout the poster, just not in the big assed title! This is why I love people!
I sure hope I didn't spell anything incorrectly in this post. Hehe!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Drank that Soda Water
I have been so lazy about writing in the gosh darn blog type thingy here. I mean nothing much has gone on. Well, it has, but nothing too exciting.
Leah and Maria got married. Their wedding was beautiful! For real gorgeous wedding and all that that entails. Wanna see a picture? Good because I am going to show you one.
Don't they look amazing. It was so awesome. The most beautiful day! The most beautiful setting! A margarita machine! Yes, a margarita machine which I took full advantage of. But, other than that, it was such a nice ceremony and party.
There was, at one point, some freaky man staring at it from the woods. He might have been a serial killer or mountain man or something. We all got a kick out of that.
The ladies are now living in wedded bliss in their house that they have lived at forever. But, they are doing so wedded blissfully, as opposed to, shacking up like a bunch of harlots (which I am still doing!).
Then we had the Kate and Paul baby shower for baby Emperor Fancy. I say this because Kate's fetus looks like the Emperor from Star Wars (oh, and we like the song Fancy. It's annoying yet wonderful, so we have dubbed the baby Fancy.) Wanna see Emperor Fancy? Good because you are!
Uncanny, isn't it!
Anyway, the shower was so much fun. It was a boy/girl BBQ shower. I guess that means we are all modern. Here are a couple of pictures just to prove we actually had a good time!
Since Kristy, Travis, Jacob, and I were in charge of this shindig, you know it was slightly tasteless. Kristy brought the fabulous fetus cake that reminded me something of the movie The Brood. I made the cupcakes that were supposed to look like vaginas. Apparently they did! So, it was a success!
Of course, Kristy and I are girls through and through, so we had to decorate sweetly. So, Kristy came up with the awesome clothes line with onesies and such on the it. And of course, we had the overload of pink anything that would stand still! So, Emperor Fancy had quite the fancy baby shower. Or at least she did in my opinion!
What else has been going on? Nothing much. The danged old apartment complex found out we had dogs, and they are making us pay up on December 1. Sure, it was our bad for not paying the pet deposit up front. But, moving is super expensive. So, sometimes you have to be a little dishonest. We had planned on paying after the first of the year (so I say, but we probably would have put it off until we were caught). But, we fought the law, and the law won. So, now Christmas is going to be quite lean this year. Sure, we are totally at fault, but I still want to gripe! Dang you, apartment complex people! Dang you! Oh, and sorry for breaking the rules. I am not sure it is worth such a large hunk of money, but I guess we have to pay.
We have been to the movies a bit lately although we should just be saving up money to pay for these ding danged farting dogs. But, I highly recommend Where the Wild Things Are. It was so so so so so good. It was not happy in any way. I cried the whole time. But, I absolutely loved it. I hope it is up for best picture.
We also saw A Christmas Carol. Skip it. We got sucked in by the 3D which is so freaking cool! Then 20 minutes is up, and it turns out it is just the same old story, but it has 3D. And the coolness of that wore off, and I feel asleep. The previews were cool except the seemingly weirdly inappropriateness of a wheel chair coming at you in 3D because of the Avatar preview (which mind you, I do not want to see in any way shape or form. Don't harp on me, I am just not into that kind of movie. In fact, I will go as far as to say I hate that type of movie. I don't know why. I just do! Although I will admit the blue cat people look cool!).
Ho hum, what's next? We are headed to Mississippi for Christmas. I get to meet the fam o' the Jodster! I am so excited. Of course, that is if we can afford it after our dumb old apartment complex tries to bankrupt people at the holidays. But, we shall head to the Pearl to meet the Mom and the Sister and the Brothers and the Nephews and the Nieces and the whoever else! I am so excited. I am! I sure hope they like me. I figure as long as I keep my mouth shut, they will.
Oh, what else is going on the world of the Laura Ferguson? Not a gosh darn thing! Really. Nothing. I have a few gripes here and there. I have a few chuckles on the occasion. Sometimes I have a life, but mostly I just come to work. I need to update a whole lot more. (and so does a reader man of D.G. I miss reading your blog!!). So, I will end now because I am boring even myself.
Long Live the Kiss Army!
Leah and Maria got married. Their wedding was beautiful! For real gorgeous wedding and all that that entails. Wanna see a picture? Good because I am going to show you one.
Don't they look amazing. It was so awesome. The most beautiful day! The most beautiful setting! A margarita machine! Yes, a margarita machine which I took full advantage of. But, other than that, it was such a nice ceremony and party.
There was, at one point, some freaky man staring at it from the woods. He might have been a serial killer or mountain man or something. We all got a kick out of that.
The ladies are now living in wedded bliss in their house that they have lived at forever. But, they are doing so wedded blissfully, as opposed to, shacking up like a bunch of harlots (which I am still doing!).
Then we had the Kate and Paul baby shower for baby Emperor Fancy. I say this because Kate's fetus looks like the Emperor from Star Wars (oh, and we like the song Fancy. It's annoying yet wonderful, so we have dubbed the baby Fancy.) Wanna see Emperor Fancy? Good because you are!
Uncanny, isn't it!
Anyway, the shower was so much fun. It was a boy/girl BBQ shower. I guess that means we are all modern. Here are a couple of pictures just to prove we actually had a good time!
Since Kristy, Travis, Jacob, and I were in charge of this shindig, you know it was slightly tasteless. Kristy brought the fabulous fetus cake that reminded me something of the movie The Brood. I made the cupcakes that were supposed to look like vaginas. Apparently they did! So, it was a success!
Of course, Kristy and I are girls through and through, so we had to decorate sweetly. So, Kristy came up with the awesome clothes line with onesies and such on the it. And of course, we had the overload of pink anything that would stand still! So, Emperor Fancy had quite the fancy baby shower. Or at least she did in my opinion!
What else has been going on? Nothing much. The danged old apartment complex found out we had dogs, and they are making us pay up on December 1. Sure, it was our bad for not paying the pet deposit up front. But, moving is super expensive. So, sometimes you have to be a little dishonest. We had planned on paying after the first of the year (so I say, but we probably would have put it off until we were caught). But, we fought the law, and the law won. So, now Christmas is going to be quite lean this year. Sure, we are totally at fault, but I still want to gripe! Dang you, apartment complex people! Dang you! Oh, and sorry for breaking the rules. I am not sure it is worth such a large hunk of money, but I guess we have to pay.
We have been to the movies a bit lately although we should just be saving up money to pay for these ding danged farting dogs. But, I highly recommend Where the Wild Things Are. It was so so so so so good. It was not happy in any way. I cried the whole time. But, I absolutely loved it. I hope it is up for best picture.
We also saw A Christmas Carol. Skip it. We got sucked in by the 3D which is so freaking cool! Then 20 minutes is up, and it turns out it is just the same old story, but it has 3D. And the coolness of that wore off, and I feel asleep. The previews were cool except the seemingly weirdly inappropriateness of a wheel chair coming at you in 3D because of the Avatar preview (which mind you, I do not want to see in any way shape or form. Don't harp on me, I am just not into that kind of movie. In fact, I will go as far as to say I hate that type of movie. I don't know why. I just do! Although I will admit the blue cat people look cool!).
Ho hum, what's next? We are headed to Mississippi for Christmas. I get to meet the fam o' the Jodster! I am so excited. Of course, that is if we can afford it after our dumb old apartment complex tries to bankrupt people at the holidays. But, we shall head to the Pearl to meet the Mom and the Sister and the Brothers and the Nephews and the Nieces and the whoever else! I am so excited. I am! I sure hope they like me. I figure as long as I keep my mouth shut, they will.
Oh, what else is going on the world of the Laura Ferguson? Not a gosh darn thing! Really. Nothing. I have a few gripes here and there. I have a few chuckles on the occasion. Sometimes I have a life, but mostly I just come to work. I need to update a whole lot more. (and so does a reader man of D.G. I miss reading your blog!!). So, I will end now because I am boring even myself.
Long Live the Kiss Army!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
A cop out because I got nothing today
Young Woman and Older Woman in Light Blue Car
By Laura Ferguson
“You know, Honey, you shouldn’t wear your bathing suit as your underwear. It can give you an infection.”
“I know, Mom. How long until we get home?”
“’Bout half an hour. The same time it took to get here.”
“Oh yeah, I forgot.”
She leans up and takes a magazine off the dashboard. She flips through the pages, reaches the end, and starts again from the beginning.
“Interesting magazine?”
“Yeah, Mom, I guess.”
“Well, that doesn’t sound like it’s very interesting.”
“It is. I am just not in the mood to read.”
She places the magazine back on the dashboard, rolls down the window, leans back, and closes her eyes. Her hair whips around her face, but she does not brush it away. She takes a deep breath.
“You know, I really do think that boy was a good one. He treats you nice.”
“Yeah, I know, Mom.”
“No, Honey, I mean it. I really think that boy is sweet to you.”
“Yeah, Mom.”
“No, really! Now, your father –God rest his soul-wouldn’t have approved. He’s probably rolling over in his grave about this, but I don’t care. Now, I don’t like this whole mess you and that boy went and got yourselves into. You know your father would really have flipped about this. But that boy, he is a good fellow for a colored boy.”
She doesn’t say anything.
“I tell you, I have-“
“Mom, is it okay if we don’t talk for a little while. I’m really tired, and I don’t feel so great.”
“Of course. Just nap for a while.”
She reaches up and turns on the radio, takes the magazine that is blowing open off the dashboard, drops it on the floor, brushes her hair away from her face, leans back, and closes her eyes.
She can hear the woosh of the cars whipping by in the oncoming lane. Every time one does, it sends a gust of air through the car causing her hair to twirl around her face, itching her nose. But she doesn’t brush it away.
They drive on. A song comes on the radio-an upbeat number. That ends and another song-a song teenagers dance closely and slowly to-comes on. That ends and a new song comes on-another upbeat. That ends, and the local weather comes on.
“They say it is supposed to be hot all week.”
She doesn’t answer.
“Could get up into the 100s.”
She doesn’t say anything.
“You comfortable? You need one of them pills?”
“I’m okay, Mom.”
“You know, once when I was about your age, I a-“
“MOM!”
Another upbeat number started. She leans up, turns of the radio-another upbeat number, brushes the hair out of her face, kicks the magazine off her foot, leans back and closes her eyes. Again she can hear the car swoosh. Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swo-
“Okay, I am going to say something here. I know you don’t want to talk, but I just have to know if I am the reason you did this.”
She didn’t answer. Swoosh, swoosh, swo-
“Cause you know-“
“You’re not the reason I did this, Mom.”
“Well, that didn’t sound very convincing. You can’t think of me as the reason you did this, Honey. I mean, I just gave you advice. That is what I am supposed to do as your mother. But overall the decision was yours.”
She doesn’t reply. Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoo-
“Cause if you blame me for this, it is just going to make you hate me. I didn’t make you do this.”
She leans up, turns the radio back on, and leans back. She never opened her eyes.
Swo-
“I mean, this is something you decided for yourself. I only told you what I thought you should do. If you blame me for this, I don’t think I could live with myself. It’ll kill me. You will have to bury me up there with your father-God rest him. I mean, you are a good girl and that boy is a good boy even though he’s colored. I really like him a lot. I don’t think you believe that. But it’s true. I just had to tell you what was on my mind. I mean, you know I have to speak my mind, especially when it comes to something like this. In my day, you didn’t have many options. I mean, if I had had some options when I found out I was pr-Well, I just hope you don’t blame me for this. And you come to me cryin’, and I just had to tell you what I thought. I think that is always the best way to do it. Say what you feel. When you got advice to give, give it. That’s all I did. A bad situation all around. Just because I pointed it out doesn’t mean I’m to blame. You did what you did because you it is what you wanted to do.”
She opens her eyes, leans up, turns up the radio, kicks the magazine at her feet, leans back, turned, and looks out the window.
“Well, I guess that just means you do blame me. You think I forced you into this, don’t you? If that is how you feel, than I am just gonna sit here quiet. I’ll just let you think on this-you got your own freewill. And no one can make you do anything you don’t want. So don’t you try makin’ me feel quilty about this. I didn’t make you do anything. Now, get you hair out of your face. It has to be driving you crazy.”
She doesn’t move.
“Get your hair out of your face!”
She brushes her hair out of her face.
“There, now. Isn’t that better. I know it had to be annoying you.”
Her hair starts whipping around her face again.
“Oh, you are doing that just to get under my skin, aren’t you?”
She doesn’t answer.
They turn of the highway onto a residential street. The wooshes of the cars slows in speed and number. People are in their yards doing residential street activities. She turns, looks out the windshield, and stares ahead at the trailor park they live in.
“Now, put a smile on your face. If you get out of this car looking all in a huff people are going to ask what’s wrong. Especially that busy body Mrs. Griselda. Now, sit up straight. And for Heaven’s sake get your hair out of your face.”
They pull into the space next to their trailor. She brushes her hair out of her face, doesn’t smile, opens the door, gets out, doesn’t smile, and looks toward the lake.
He is standing there. He turns, looks at her, and waves.
She lifts her arm slightly, puts it back down at her side, doesn’t smile, turns, and goes into the house.
By Laura Ferguson
“You know, Honey, you shouldn’t wear your bathing suit as your underwear. It can give you an infection.”
“I know, Mom. How long until we get home?”
“’Bout half an hour. The same time it took to get here.”
“Oh yeah, I forgot.”
She leans up and takes a magazine off the dashboard. She flips through the pages, reaches the end, and starts again from the beginning.
“Interesting magazine?”
“Yeah, Mom, I guess.”
“Well, that doesn’t sound like it’s very interesting.”
“It is. I am just not in the mood to read.”
She places the magazine back on the dashboard, rolls down the window, leans back, and closes her eyes. Her hair whips around her face, but she does not brush it away. She takes a deep breath.
“You know, I really do think that boy was a good one. He treats you nice.”
“Yeah, I know, Mom.”
“No, Honey, I mean it. I really think that boy is sweet to you.”
“Yeah, Mom.”
“No, really! Now, your father –God rest his soul-wouldn’t have approved. He’s probably rolling over in his grave about this, but I don’t care. Now, I don’t like this whole mess you and that boy went and got yourselves into. You know your father would really have flipped about this. But that boy, he is a good fellow for a colored boy.”
She doesn’t say anything.
“I tell you, I have-“
“Mom, is it okay if we don’t talk for a little while. I’m really tired, and I don’t feel so great.”
“Of course. Just nap for a while.”
She reaches up and turns on the radio, takes the magazine that is blowing open off the dashboard, drops it on the floor, brushes her hair away from her face, leans back, and closes her eyes.
She can hear the woosh of the cars whipping by in the oncoming lane. Every time one does, it sends a gust of air through the car causing her hair to twirl around her face, itching her nose. But she doesn’t brush it away.
They drive on. A song comes on the radio-an upbeat number. That ends and another song-a song teenagers dance closely and slowly to-comes on. That ends and a new song comes on-another upbeat. That ends, and the local weather comes on.
“They say it is supposed to be hot all week.”
She doesn’t answer.
“Could get up into the 100s.”
She doesn’t say anything.
“You comfortable? You need one of them pills?”
“I’m okay, Mom.”
“You know, once when I was about your age, I a-“
“MOM!”
Another upbeat number started. She leans up, turns of the radio-another upbeat number, brushes the hair out of her face, kicks the magazine off her foot, leans back and closes her eyes. Again she can hear the car swoosh. Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swo-
“Okay, I am going to say something here. I know you don’t want to talk, but I just have to know if I am the reason you did this.”
She didn’t answer. Swoosh, swoosh, swo-
“Cause you know-“
“You’re not the reason I did this, Mom.”
“Well, that didn’t sound very convincing. You can’t think of me as the reason you did this, Honey. I mean, I just gave you advice. That is what I am supposed to do as your mother. But overall the decision was yours.”
She doesn’t reply. Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoo-
“Cause if you blame me for this, it is just going to make you hate me. I didn’t make you do this.”
She leans up, turns the radio back on, and leans back. She never opened her eyes.
Swo-
“I mean, this is something you decided for yourself. I only told you what I thought you should do. If you blame me for this, I don’t think I could live with myself. It’ll kill me. You will have to bury me up there with your father-God rest him. I mean, you are a good girl and that boy is a good boy even though he’s colored. I really like him a lot. I don’t think you believe that. But it’s true. I just had to tell you what was on my mind. I mean, you know I have to speak my mind, especially when it comes to something like this. In my day, you didn’t have many options. I mean, if I had had some options when I found out I was pr-Well, I just hope you don’t blame me for this. And you come to me cryin’, and I just had to tell you what I thought. I think that is always the best way to do it. Say what you feel. When you got advice to give, give it. That’s all I did. A bad situation all around. Just because I pointed it out doesn’t mean I’m to blame. You did what you did because you it is what you wanted to do.”
She opens her eyes, leans up, turns up the radio, kicks the magazine at her feet, leans back, turned, and looks out the window.
“Well, I guess that just means you do blame me. You think I forced you into this, don’t you? If that is how you feel, than I am just gonna sit here quiet. I’ll just let you think on this-you got your own freewill. And no one can make you do anything you don’t want. So don’t you try makin’ me feel quilty about this. I didn’t make you do anything. Now, get you hair out of your face. It has to be driving you crazy.”
She doesn’t move.
“Get your hair out of your face!”
She brushes her hair out of her face.
“There, now. Isn’t that better. I know it had to be annoying you.”
Her hair starts whipping around her face again.
“Oh, you are doing that just to get under my skin, aren’t you?”
She doesn’t answer.
They turn of the highway onto a residential street. The wooshes of the cars slows in speed and number. People are in their yards doing residential street activities. She turns, looks out the windshield, and stares ahead at the trailor park they live in.
“Now, put a smile on your face. If you get out of this car looking all in a huff people are going to ask what’s wrong. Especially that busy body Mrs. Griselda. Now, sit up straight. And for Heaven’s sake get your hair out of your face.”
They pull into the space next to their trailor. She brushes her hair out of her face, doesn’t smile, opens the door, gets out, doesn’t smile, and looks toward the lake.
He is standing there. He turns, looks at her, and waves.
She lifts her arm slightly, puts it back down at her side, doesn’t smile, turns, and goes into the house.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Going to the Chapel
And, I'm not getting married. Going to a wedding today. Leah and Maria are getting hitched (well, at least as close to hitched as they can become in our mostly backward state). I am so excited! It's a gorgeous day. I have a new outfit. And, love is in the air!
Congratulations, Leah and Maria. I am so happy for you!
Congratulations, Leah and Maria. I am so happy for you!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
I am only writing to acknowledge that I am lazy
I have been incredibly lazy in the land of the blog this month. I don't know why. I love writing. I love talking about myself. So, you would think that I would be all over this! For some reason, I am just not. Ugh, my laziness is just annoying.
What has been missed in the last couple of weeks?
Jody and I had our two year anniversary. We spent a wonderful few days in San Antonio at a fancy hotel. We lucked into being right next to the Internation Accordian Festival. Now, if you know me, you know that this makes my life. I mean, how often does one stumble upon a national accordian festival? Not often! So, that was fantastic.
We ate fancy, romantic meals. We walked the Riverwalk. We narrowly escaped the Hard Rock Cafe before being forced to order overly expensive and nonappetizing sounding food. We ate some great Mexican food. We had a ton of dirty sex. We napped. We watched cable TV (you know we don't have cable at home). We watched peacocks roam our hotel grounds. We listened to some Buckwheat Zydeco whilst drinking cheap beer, sangria, and margaritas. We had a hell of a lot of fun. See...
Sure, we aren't fancy with the pictures. All were taken from my phone. I gotta get a new camera. But, needless to say, it was a super fun weekend. It was a super fun anniversary (October 10!). And, I am in love with my goony boyfriend more than ever!
What else is going on with me? Not much. For real. Life has been pretty uneventful. This weekend Leah and Maria are getting married! I am very excited! I can't wait to see them spend all of eternity together. They have been together 7 years. So, it is about time, Ladies! Finally making honest women of each other. That should be super fun.
Then the next weekend is Kate's baby shower. My Kate is having a baby. A girl! And even though she isn't going to name it Fancy Princess Last name-Last name the way Jacob and I think she should. It is going to be a fun assed baby shower!
I am working a whole hell of a lot. It's work. Too long hours, too little money. But, what's new? I think that is a universal complaint. But, I keep on going! Hurray.
Wow, my life is fairly boring right now. I don't have anything even witty to say. What the hell is going on? I need a little inspiration. Someone needs to do something stupid, so I can rant about it.
All I can say is I am excited because tonight is Glee. I got to watch my Big Bang Theory this week. And, I am looking forward to the Project Runway.
So, wow. My life has become mundane for the month. Maybe something awesome will happen on Halloween. If not, be prepared for another fun filled blog! Someone shoot me now. Ugh!
What has been missed in the last couple of weeks?
Jody and I had our two year anniversary. We spent a wonderful few days in San Antonio at a fancy hotel. We lucked into being right next to the Internation Accordian Festival. Now, if you know me, you know that this makes my life. I mean, how often does one stumble upon a national accordian festival? Not often! So, that was fantastic.
We ate fancy, romantic meals. We walked the Riverwalk. We narrowly escaped the Hard Rock Cafe before being forced to order overly expensive and nonappetizing sounding food. We ate some great Mexican food. We had a ton of dirty sex. We napped. We watched cable TV (you know we don't have cable at home). We watched peacocks roam our hotel grounds. We listened to some Buckwheat Zydeco whilst drinking cheap beer, sangria, and margaritas. We had a hell of a lot of fun. See...
Sure, we aren't fancy with the pictures. All were taken from my phone. I gotta get a new camera. But, needless to say, it was a super fun weekend. It was a super fun anniversary (October 10!). And, I am in love with my goony boyfriend more than ever!
What else is going on with me? Not much. For real. Life has been pretty uneventful. This weekend Leah and Maria are getting married! I am very excited! I can't wait to see them spend all of eternity together. They have been together 7 years. So, it is about time, Ladies! Finally making honest women of each other. That should be super fun.
Then the next weekend is Kate's baby shower. My Kate is having a baby. A girl! And even though she isn't going to name it Fancy Princess Last name-Last name the way Jacob and I think she should. It is going to be a fun assed baby shower!
I am working a whole hell of a lot. It's work. Too long hours, too little money. But, what's new? I think that is a universal complaint. But, I keep on going! Hurray.
Wow, my life is fairly boring right now. I don't have anything even witty to say. What the hell is going on? I need a little inspiration. Someone needs to do something stupid, so I can rant about it.
All I can say is I am excited because tonight is Glee. I got to watch my Big Bang Theory this week. And, I am looking forward to the Project Runway.
So, wow. My life has become mundane for the month. Maybe something awesome will happen on Halloween. If not, be prepared for another fun filled blog! Someone shoot me now. Ugh!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
I think she has a wiener!
I want to hate this song, but I just can't. I want to hate this girl! But, I just can't. Damn you, Lady GaGa. Why do I always like the freaks? I should be able to hate this Pop Freak Crap. But, I love it!!!! Whoa is me.
She has not a pretty face, and I am sure she is actually some sort of boy. But, I can't help it. I still like her. Damn you, girl/gay man brain!
She has not a pretty face, and I am sure she is actually some sort of boy. But, I can't help it. I still like her. Damn you, girl/gay man brain!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
A Book is a book, of course, of course...
The other day I was driving down the freeway. On the side of the road was a book. It was open and flapping in the freeway breeze. It was a paperback. It looked like a novel. Since then, I have wondered what it is. Was it a good book? What was the title? Who threw it out? Did they mean to throw it out? Is it sad being out there on the side of 183? Has it been read? I am just so curious. That poor book.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
I am a Texan, hence, I must do my part...
I have been babysitting for the sweetest kid on the face of the earth for the last couple of weeks. Let me state that until about a month ago, I have never held a baby (that honor went to the world renowned Anders). But, now I am a babysitting expert. Sure. But, it is fun.
So, in babysitting last night while The Bird's (or the babysittee) parents were working and making the music with my Jodster, I babysat. I have to say that this child may be the cutest little girl on the face of the earth. For real. I am not lying. I have never seen a baby so damned cute. And she's just smiley as hell. Damn good kid, if you ask me.
Anyway, The Bird is 10 months old today. She was born in the great state of Texas. I am sure most of you know how much people from Texas like Texas. Well, I am one of those people. I love me some Texas. And, since The Bird is a bonafide Texan with parents of Mississippi descent, I thought she might need to get to know some of her Texas heritage. Hence, we watched on of the greatest movies to ever bless the cinema...Urban Cowboy.
Now, a 10 month old doesn't much get into movies. But, it is never to early to let a true Texas girl know that she should be a Pam and not a Sissy (although most of us are-deep down inside-Sissys.
So, The Bird got a little bit of her heritage shown to her last night. Sure, we played through most of it. When a Kenny Roger's song came on, she did stop and listen to the whole thing. That was cute! She was really watching and listening intently as Sissy left Bud (who rightly deserved it!). Then she went back to chewing on the cat.
I must say that Urban Cowboy, no matter how corny and awful, is one of my favorite movies. So, to pass it on to a new and blooming Texas gal is an honor to me. Sure, country music is not my most favorite thing. But, the Urban Cowboy soundtrack surpasses the realm of country music. It is in a place all its own. I don't know what that place is. But, whatever it is, I love it.
And to leave you now, I present a set of lyrics to the world's most perfect country song by Mr. David Allen Coe (this has nothing to do with Urban Cowboy. It is just an awesome song.)...
WELL, I WAS DRUNK THE DAY MY MOM GOT OUT OF PRISON,
AND I WENT TO PICK HER UP IN THE RAIN,
BUT BEFORE I COULD GET TO THE STATION IN MY PICKUP TRUCK
SHE GOT RUN NED OVER BY A DAMNED OLD TRAIN
So, in babysitting last night while The Bird's (or the babysittee) parents were working and making the music with my Jodster, I babysat. I have to say that this child may be the cutest little girl on the face of the earth. For real. I am not lying. I have never seen a baby so damned cute. And she's just smiley as hell. Damn good kid, if you ask me.
Anyway, The Bird is 10 months old today. She was born in the great state of Texas. I am sure most of you know how much people from Texas like Texas. Well, I am one of those people. I love me some Texas. And, since The Bird is a bonafide Texan with parents of Mississippi descent, I thought she might need to get to know some of her Texas heritage. Hence, we watched on of the greatest movies to ever bless the cinema...Urban Cowboy.
Now, a 10 month old doesn't much get into movies. But, it is never to early to let a true Texas girl know that she should be a Pam and not a Sissy (although most of us are-deep down inside-Sissys.
So, The Bird got a little bit of her heritage shown to her last night. Sure, we played through most of it. When a Kenny Roger's song came on, she did stop and listen to the whole thing. That was cute! She was really watching and listening intently as Sissy left Bud (who rightly deserved it!). Then she went back to chewing on the cat.
I must say that Urban Cowboy, no matter how corny and awful, is one of my favorite movies. So, to pass it on to a new and blooming Texas gal is an honor to me. Sure, country music is not my most favorite thing. But, the Urban Cowboy soundtrack surpasses the realm of country music. It is in a place all its own. I don't know what that place is. But, whatever it is, I love it.
And to leave you now, I present a set of lyrics to the world's most perfect country song by Mr. David Allen Coe (this has nothing to do with Urban Cowboy. It is just an awesome song.)...
WELL, I WAS DRUNK THE DAY MY MOM GOT OUT OF PRISON,
AND I WENT TO PICK HER UP IN THE RAIN,
BUT BEFORE I COULD GET TO THE STATION IN MY PICKUP TRUCK
SHE GOT RUN NED OVER BY A DAMNED OLD TRAIN
Monday, September 28, 2009
Flu season is here. It sucks. When one works staffing a large group of hospitals and clinics, this affects you. It makes your already stressful job much more stressful! It makes one wake up and eat chocolate chip cookies for breakfast. Ugh.
People, if you have the flu do not go to the emergency room. Take Tylenol, sleep, and get plenty of fluids. You may not have the flu, and the emergency room is a great place to get it. Besides, most ERs right now are a 300% capacity! You know how long it is going to be before you are seen by the few nurses and doctors who themselves do not have the flu? A really, really, really, really long time! And if it's your kid...well, same thing goes. Just make an appointment with your primary care physician! If you don't have one or have no insurance, try to wait a couple of days before you do go to the ER. Most likely you will be fine!
UGH! Not every sneeze needs an ER visit! Has no one been sick before? And please note that the swine flu is nothing more than the flu with a different name. From what we have heard, it is a bit milder. So, don't freak the fuck out! Just lay on the couch, drink your juice, and watch TV! Yes, you will feel like shit. But, what do you think they are going to do for you at the ER? There is no instant cure for the flu!
Okay, enough of my griping.
I think today (I'm off) I am going to decorate our Christmas tree. Sure it is still September. But, doesn't that sound like fun? I do believe it does! If I do it, I'll let you know. If I am lazy and don't, I won't let you know. I may be too busy watching Judge shows. Man, I need cable!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Knicks and Knacks and Brick and Brack and Things
So, long time no blog. It seems I get to blogging in my head (or talking to myself), but I never get around to actually putting it here. So, I am going to do that today. Oh, today. Today is the greatest day I'll ever know. Well, that's a lie. After typing the word today, I just got that song in my head. But, I like that song. Not the biggest fan of The Smashing Pumpkins (I mean, they are no Air Supply!), but I do like that song.
The oddest thing is going on in my office today...it smells just like my primary school- McMullan. McMullan Primary School. Home of the McMullan Munchkins.
There is me and a few people being munchkins. I'm the one with the broken arm. Anyway, it smells like McMullan in this office today. It is putting me in a weird mood.
So, since I wrote that stuff, I have been vaccinated for the flu. Hurray! I guess. It is my first. I am no longer a flu shot virgin. For shame. I tried to hold out. But, alas, I couldn't. I also get to get the N1H1 vaccine which, as far as we know, is going to take place over two months. Working in the health care system, they are making us. I don't mind. I would much rather do that then wear gloves and a mask until February. That just doesn't seem fun at all. It seems kinda hot. So, I got me a flu shot.
In other news, I have decided that my new neighborhood is one that is ruled by Kate Gosselin hair dos. For real! I like my new neighborhood a lot. It's nice, clean, there are mailboxes and banks and gas stations abound. (In the ghetto, where I just moved from, there are NONE of these things!) But, the one annoying thing is the Kate Gosselin hair dos driving around in their giant Excursions with spacey looks on their faces near wrecking into anyone who is around because they seem to feel like every parking lot and lane is theirs. For real. You can just seen their faces as they come careening at you from around another car. They don't seem to notice that they are about to be in a head on collision. They just keep that sneer look on their face and just about side swipe you while they are going the wrong way down the lane because they can't wait to get into the yoga place parking lot. Oh, it sure is fun. Bunch of assholes. For real, these women are just assholes. Assholes with a Gosselin 'do. Damn that woman for that hair!
Enough of that. Now on to happier subjects. I got a power for for my laptop. I am so happy about that. It sucks to have no internet at home. You feel all disconnected from the world. And since we depend on the internet for most of our television shows (we ain't gots the cables), it really puts a damper on your entertainment time. Sure, we talked a whole lot more. But, who wants that when I can continuously refresh facebook and yelp? Is it sad that most everything I do at home, I do while on the internet? Yes, it is sad! I know it is. But, dammit! It's an addiction.
With all that being said, I did get to watch the Create channel a lot. Boy, that was exciting. The Create channel is a PBS station that comes on if you don't have cable (and real channels like Food Network, Bravo, A&E...etc.) Of course, Sara got booted from Food Network and is now on create. Ha, I never liked her anyway.
But, there are all kinds of good shows like Sewing with Nancy, The Donna Dewberry Show, and Lap Quilting with lap quilting extraordinaire Georgia Bonesteele (I know, can you believe you aren't getting to watch this?!?! Fun! There are some decent shows. As vegetarian as I am, I still find myself always watching Bar-b-Que University. And, I really dislike Rick Steves, but there is nothing else to watch!!
I will let you know that Rick Steve's show and website are Europe Through the Back Door. If that doesn't make you giggle, then you just have no sense of humor. It is taking me all of my energy not to giggle and send him an email full of dirty innuendos. The big 'mo! I love it! That shit is funny, I don't care what you think! And if you didn't giggle at the initial thought of Lap Quilting with Georgia Bonesteele...well, I just have no use for you.
That's the excitment of what is happening to me in the mid morning on September 23. I am also listening to as many versions of "Down by the River" that I can find. It's a great song, and it is done by so many damn people! If you click on it, that's my so far favorite version. But, there are a whole shitload of them! My "Helter Skelter" quest was super successful. After version 121 found, I had to give up. And, sadly, most of them sucked!
Okay, enough. You know my love of the babble. So, I am off to make the world a better place! Or at least try not to make it any worse!
The oddest thing is going on in my office today...it smells just like my primary school- McMullan. McMullan Primary School. Home of the McMullan Munchkins.
There is me and a few people being munchkins. I'm the one with the broken arm. Anyway, it smells like McMullan in this office today. It is putting me in a weird mood.
So, since I wrote that stuff, I have been vaccinated for the flu. Hurray! I guess. It is my first. I am no longer a flu shot virgin. For shame. I tried to hold out. But, alas, I couldn't. I also get to get the N1H1 vaccine which, as far as we know, is going to take place over two months. Working in the health care system, they are making us. I don't mind. I would much rather do that then wear gloves and a mask until February. That just doesn't seem fun at all. It seems kinda hot. So, I got me a flu shot.
In other news, I have decided that my new neighborhood is one that is ruled by Kate Gosselin hair dos. For real! I like my new neighborhood a lot. It's nice, clean, there are mailboxes and banks and gas stations abound. (In the ghetto, where I just moved from, there are NONE of these things!) But, the one annoying thing is the Kate Gosselin hair dos driving around in their giant Excursions with spacey looks on their faces near wrecking into anyone who is around because they seem to feel like every parking lot and lane is theirs. For real. You can just seen their faces as they come careening at you from around another car. They don't seem to notice that they are about to be in a head on collision. They just keep that sneer look on their face and just about side swipe you while they are going the wrong way down the lane because they can't wait to get into the yoga place parking lot. Oh, it sure is fun. Bunch of assholes. For real, these women are just assholes. Assholes with a Gosselin 'do. Damn that woman for that hair!
Enough of that. Now on to happier subjects. I got a power for for my laptop. I am so happy about that. It sucks to have no internet at home. You feel all disconnected from the world. And since we depend on the internet for most of our television shows (we ain't gots the cables), it really puts a damper on your entertainment time. Sure, we talked a whole lot more. But, who wants that when I can continuously refresh facebook and yelp? Is it sad that most everything I do at home, I do while on the internet? Yes, it is sad! I know it is. But, dammit! It's an addiction.
With all that being said, I did get to watch the Create channel a lot. Boy, that was exciting. The Create channel is a PBS station that comes on if you don't have cable (and real channels like Food Network, Bravo, A&E...etc.) Of course, Sara got booted from Food Network and is now on create. Ha, I never liked her anyway.
But, there are all kinds of good shows like Sewing with Nancy, The Donna Dewberry Show, and Lap Quilting with lap quilting extraordinaire Georgia Bonesteele (I know, can you believe you aren't getting to watch this?!?! Fun! There are some decent shows. As vegetarian as I am, I still find myself always watching Bar-b-Que University. And, I really dislike Rick Steves, but there is nothing else to watch!!
I will let you know that Rick Steve's show and website are Europe Through the Back Door. If that doesn't make you giggle, then you just have no sense of humor. It is taking me all of my energy not to giggle and send him an email full of dirty innuendos. The big 'mo! I love it! That shit is funny, I don't care what you think! And if you didn't giggle at the initial thought of Lap Quilting with Georgia Bonesteele...well, I just have no use for you.
That's the excitment of what is happening to me in the mid morning on September 23. I am also listening to as many versions of "Down by the River" that I can find. It's a great song, and it is done by so many damn people! If you click on it, that's my so far favorite version. But, there are a whole shitload of them! My "Helter Skelter" quest was super successful. After version 121 found, I had to give up. And, sadly, most of them sucked!
Okay, enough. You know my love of the babble. So, I am off to make the world a better place! Or at least try not to make it any worse!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I have the worst luck with computers!
I really do. Seems we finally get some rain in this damn town after almost 70 days over 100 degrees and not a drop of rain for like four months. Lightening strikes somewhere around our new apartment. Guess what happens? It zaps the power cord of my laptop. Now, I am lucky that it didn't zap the laptop itself. But, it killed the power cord. So, now I don't have a computer because it has no way to charge! And I am not one to have the ability this month to spend $130 on a replacement cord. Ugh! Seriously, what is with my luck?
Other than that, all is cool. Life ain't so bad, and that's pretty cool!
Other than that, all is cool. Life ain't so bad, and that's pretty cool!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
I Write Stories. Wanna Read One?
I have nothing of any interest to write, so I will leave you with one of my short stories. Hope you don't hate it. I hope this doesn't look like a plea for attention because although it is, I don't want it to look like one!
The Head Shrinker
By Laura Ferguson
“Molly, relax. You have to be here, so you might as well sit back, take a deep breath, and relax. I know you’re nervous. Almost everyone gets that way when they get to the couch,” He said.
“I-I-I can’t relax,” Molly said, her voice quivering.
“Listen, you might as well try, right? You have to be here, don’t you?”
“No, I don’t.” Her voice was small.
“Unfortunately, Molly, that isn’t up to you. You do have to be here. So, you might as well relax.” He sat back in his leather chair looking at her. “So, tell me something about yourself. Over these past few days, you haven’t said a word.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Well, at least you are talking today. That’s more than you have done since you have been here.”
Silence.
“Molly, you see those over there?” He asked pointing to the wall behind him. “You don’t get those without being patient yet persistent. I trained at this job almost as many years as you have been alive, Molly. I have had some practice with being patient.”
Silence.
“Really, Molly, what’s the worst that can happen? I learn a little more about you? There has to be something you want to talk about,” He said.
“But, I don’t want to tell you anything.” Her voice was a bit louder, but still not at a normal decibel.
“Molly, do you really have any choice?”
“No.” Her voice was normal.
“Well, then tell me about Molly. Anything. Come on, there has to be something.”
Silence.
“Tell me about your childhood. Were you a shy kid? Popular? The Ugly Duckling?”
Silence.
“How about your family? Let’s start there. Tell me about them.”
Silence.
“Come on, Molly. Did you have a mom that got drunk and flirted with boys at your birthday parties? How about a brother who grabbed you on the occasion? I might have it all wrong. You might have a grandma that made sugar cookies and a grandpa who whittled you toy horses.”
Silence, but with a slight grin.
“Oh, I saw that grin, Molly. What was that about? Cookies? Your grandfather?”
Silence, but with a smile.
“It’s your grandfather isn’t it?” He said with enthusiasm.
“Maybe,” she said.
“You had a nice grandfather, huh?”
“He was my best friend,” she said so quietly that he almost could not make out what she said.
“Did you say he was your best friend?”
“Yes,” a little louder. “He was my best friend,” normal voice.
“That’s interesting. You don’t often hear about a girl and her grandfather being best friends.”
“Well, he was. He was my best friend in the world.” Her voice louder. “He was the greatest person I have ever known.”
“Well, tell me about him.”
She relaxed against the arm of the couch.
“He was the nicest man you would ever want to meet. We had a good time together.”
“Well, what made him such a nice man?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. He just was.” She tensed up again.
Silence.
“Molly, if we are going to get anywhere, if you are ever going to be done with all this, you are going to have to talk to me. And, what a better place to start than with your grandfather. I mean, you are going to have to talk eventually, you know that, don’t you?”
“Yes, I know. You keep telling me that.”
“Well, then,” he says.
“Fine. My grandfather was my best friend. We did everything together. I spent every summer, every holiday, weekends, and any other time I could with him. He was a nice man. He was fun. He loved me. We had a lot in common.”
“Tell me what made him so special. Lots of people spend time with their grandparents. That doesn’t make them their best friends.”
“Well, we were,” she said almost defiantly.
“Tell me something you did together when you spent your time together.”
Silence.
“Molly…”
“I guess I can tell you about our summers.”
“Yes, do. I would love to hear about it,” he said.
She sat for a minute.Then relaxed again laying against the arm of the couch. She sat for another minute deep in thought.
Silence.
A smile crossed Molly’s face.
“We used to fish together.”
Silence.
Silence.
“See, when I was little my parents got a divorce. My dad ran off with some woman he worked with. That’s okay and all. I’m not bitter about it. We had it out a while ago when I was 14. And we ended up better for it. But, that’s beside the point.
Anyway, when my dad left, my mom was determined to make it without too much help. She’s a pretty strong woman, so she wouldn’t let something like that get her down. She got a job to make ends meet and went back to school because as she always put it, ‘Molly, a woman who can’t support herself is a wasted woman.’
Luckily, she had a great dad who thought that a woman should be able to support herself and have an education, so he volunteered to watch me while she worked and went to school.”
“That sounds like a pretty good guy to me,” he said.
“Oh, he was!” she said turning her head towards him. “He was. Now, my mom is a real prissy girl. She always has on lipstick; she wears skirts and pantyhose all the time. And, I have a touch of that, but I always tended to be more of a Tomboy. I liked to play in the dirt. I fought with boys. I loved dolls and make-up and pink. But, I really liked snakes and bikes, too. I was a kinda tough little girl. So, even though she didn’t say it, I think that threw my mom for a loop.
The first day she dropped me off at my grandfather’s house, I was playing in the back yard, and he saw me wrestling with his dog in that backyard. Well, I don’t know if you know how hard it is to wrestle with a dog while you are wearing a dress, but it isn’t easy.
So, he calls me inside and hands me an old pair of overalls. They were my uncle’s from back when he was a kid. They were a bit big, and I didn’t have a shirt to wear under them. But, right then, I knew that my granddad and I would get along forever.
For the whole summer I wore those overalls, except for three days when my mom flat our refused to let me wear them. One those three days my granddad dressed in his Sunday suit that he never wore because he never did anything on Sunday. But other than that I was all overalls. And the next day, so was my granddad.
And we had the best times together. Every Thursday whether it was hot or raining or whatever, every Thursday my granddad packed us a picnic lunch, and we went fishing. And, I love fishing! He taught me how to cast. He taught me how to bait the line. He taught me the different lures, what jigs to use, when to use a spoon, when to use a spinner, how to tie knots.” She turned her head back and was facing the ceiling again.
“And after we were done fishing, we would take our catch, start a fire, clean it, cook it, and eat it with the potato salad or chips and a big jar of pickles he always packed. And if we didn’t catch anything, there was always some kind of sandwich to eat. Liverwurst. That was usually the type of sandwich.” She turned to face him again. “You know, I won’t eat a liverwurst sandwich now because I’m afraid I will think it’s disgusting. And, I don’t want to lose those sandwiches. I always want to love them.”
A tear ran down her face. She turned and faced the ceiling again.
“He seems like a good man.”
“Oh, he was. And that wasn’t even all of it. We would have these great talks. We talked about everything. I think without him, I would have been far more resentful of my dad then I was. He always told me that it was okay to be mad at him. He told me I had a right. But, he also told me that my dad was human. He made me understand that as a human, our feelings and emotions, especially when it came to love, can change. And there isn’t anything we can do about. Some people’s change a lot. Some people’s don’t change at all. And there is no reason to live miserably for your entire life because that just makes everyone involved miserable. So even though I was angry, I understood that people’s emotions can change.”
“He sure sounds like a smart man, Molly. I see why he was your best friend.”
“It was so much more than that. He taught me how to ride a bike. He taught me how to roller skate. He taught me how to start a fire. He taught me how to play Oh Susanna on the harmonica. He taught me how to slow dance which really came in handy at the eight grade banquet.” She turned to face him again. “The boy I liked asked me to dance. And let me tell you, was he a good dancer. Thank goodness I was, too. I think that dancing skills led to my first kiss later that night. And, I told my granddad all about it. He said he was really glad for me. But, then I got the talk. You know the one.” She turned and faced the ceiling again. “He didn’t even seem embarrassed about it. Sure he cracked a couple of jokes. He was just very upfront about things. And that made me not embarrassed about it.
He taught me a lot, my granddad did. I miss him so much.”
“He’s not around anymore?”
“No, he died just before I turned 18. It was a crazy week that week. And my poor granddad was right in the middle of the worst of it.
It was the week I graduated from high school. Granddad was there, my mom, dad, Uncle Jack, and his girlfriend. We all go out to eat after the ceremony. They let my boyfriend at the time and my friend Stephanie go along.
Another girl I went to school with was our waitress. She kept slipping us alcohol in our cokes. So, by the middle of dinner, we were just toasted.” She giggled. “I would have to say that we were a little past toasted. My granddad knew. He kept giving me this look with his mouth all twisted. It was like he was half laughing, half scolding me.
Now, had my mom gotten wind of this, she would have been up in arms! She would have. So when it was time to go, we were barely holding it together. Stephanie, my boyfriend, and I were supposed to go to another friend’s party after the restaurant. But, there was no way we could drive. So, my granddad pipes in, ‘I’ve never been to a high school party. And I aim to get to one before I die.’ So he walks us out to the car and drives us over to the party. And damn it, if he didn’t stay! He was a hit. He didn’t even give us that twisted smile look he’d been giving us at dinner. He just watched all of these teenagers getting drunk and dancing and having a good old time. He even danced with a couple of girls and one of the boys. You’ve never seen anything until you see your grandfather trying to teach your friends how to do the Twist to Ice Ice Baby.
He even made sure everyone got home okay. He took carloads of kids home. And, luckily, it wasn’t until the very last trip out that Sandy Cartwell vomited all over him. He wasn’t even mad. Just told her that it was a good thing she did it because she would feel much better than the rest of us in the morning.” She laughed. A tear ran down her cheek.
Silence.
“You’re thinking about him dying, aren’t you?” He asked.
“Yes. It was so weird that he said he wanted to go to a high school party before he died because the next night he had a heart attack. He made it to the hospital. He actually got to sort of tell us all goodbye. He knew he was going. I knew he was going. But, I still couldn’t grasp it. I sat by his side crying for about an hour when he kind of came to and told me that I was the best friend he ever had. Then he died.” Tears streamed down her face. “Just like that, he died. My best friend was gone.”
“Molly, that must have taken a lot out of you. I am sorry to hear that. I really am. He seemed like such a good person. I bet his influence made you the person you are today. I know from experience that you are a kind and helpful person.”
“Yeah, a lot of good it did me.”
Silence.
“So, I told you about myself,” Molly said. “Can I get out of here now?”
“Now, Molly, you’re a smart girl. You know that it isn’t that easy. You know you can’t. You’re here. You have to stay here,” he said.
“But, I told you about myself! I did what you asked. Please,” she started to cry. It started as tears and sniffles but quickly turned into guttural sobs.
“Molly, get yourself together! There is no reason to cry that way. What would your grandfather think?”
“Don’t ask me that. Don’t talk about my granddad. He’s mine to talk about. Not yours!”
“Calm down, Molly.”
“Can you at least take these off of me?” she asked as she lifted her restrained hands toward him. “I’m calm now. I won’t do anything, I promise. Just please take them off of me.”
“Now, Molly, you know I can’t do that,” he said standing from his chair and walking to her. He started running his hands through her hair.
“But, I won’t do anything. I won’t.”
“Molly, Molly, Molly. I have heard that before. I trusted that promise only once. Look over there. You see that first one,” he said pointing again to the wall behind his leather chair that held shelf after shelf of jars containing human heads. “She said she wouldn’t do anything. Hell, they all did. But, I trusted her. If you’re hands were free, I would let you feel the dent that is still in my skull from where she cracked me over the head with an ashtray. I won’t trust that promise again.”
“Please let me go. I won’t say anyth-“
“Enough, Molly.” He put a piece of duct tape over her mouth. Tears ran down her face. “It’s okay, Molly. Just think of your grandfather. Just think of your grandfather.”
He grabbed the crown of her hair, pulled her head back over the arm of the couch, and started to saw off her head.
The Head Shrinker
By Laura Ferguson
“Molly, relax. You have to be here, so you might as well sit back, take a deep breath, and relax. I know you’re nervous. Almost everyone gets that way when they get to the couch,” He said.
“I-I-I can’t relax,” Molly said, her voice quivering.
“Listen, you might as well try, right? You have to be here, don’t you?”
“No, I don’t.” Her voice was small.
“Unfortunately, Molly, that isn’t up to you. You do have to be here. So, you might as well relax.” He sat back in his leather chair looking at her. “So, tell me something about yourself. Over these past few days, you haven’t said a word.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Well, at least you are talking today. That’s more than you have done since you have been here.”
Silence.
“Molly, you see those over there?” He asked pointing to the wall behind him. “You don’t get those without being patient yet persistent. I trained at this job almost as many years as you have been alive, Molly. I have had some practice with being patient.”
Silence.
“Really, Molly, what’s the worst that can happen? I learn a little more about you? There has to be something you want to talk about,” He said.
“But, I don’t want to tell you anything.” Her voice was a bit louder, but still not at a normal decibel.
“Molly, do you really have any choice?”
“No.” Her voice was normal.
“Well, then tell me about Molly. Anything. Come on, there has to be something.”
Silence.
“Tell me about your childhood. Were you a shy kid? Popular? The Ugly Duckling?”
Silence.
“How about your family? Let’s start there. Tell me about them.”
Silence.
“Come on, Molly. Did you have a mom that got drunk and flirted with boys at your birthday parties? How about a brother who grabbed you on the occasion? I might have it all wrong. You might have a grandma that made sugar cookies and a grandpa who whittled you toy horses.”
Silence, but with a slight grin.
“Oh, I saw that grin, Molly. What was that about? Cookies? Your grandfather?”
Silence, but with a smile.
“It’s your grandfather isn’t it?” He said with enthusiasm.
“Maybe,” she said.
“You had a nice grandfather, huh?”
“He was my best friend,” she said so quietly that he almost could not make out what she said.
“Did you say he was your best friend?”
“Yes,” a little louder. “He was my best friend,” normal voice.
“That’s interesting. You don’t often hear about a girl and her grandfather being best friends.”
“Well, he was. He was my best friend in the world.” Her voice louder. “He was the greatest person I have ever known.”
“Well, tell me about him.”
She relaxed against the arm of the couch.
“He was the nicest man you would ever want to meet. We had a good time together.”
“Well, what made him such a nice man?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. He just was.” She tensed up again.
Silence.
“Molly, if we are going to get anywhere, if you are ever going to be done with all this, you are going to have to talk to me. And, what a better place to start than with your grandfather. I mean, you are going to have to talk eventually, you know that, don’t you?”
“Yes, I know. You keep telling me that.”
“Well, then,” he says.
“Fine. My grandfather was my best friend. We did everything together. I spent every summer, every holiday, weekends, and any other time I could with him. He was a nice man. He was fun. He loved me. We had a lot in common.”
“Tell me what made him so special. Lots of people spend time with their grandparents. That doesn’t make them their best friends.”
“Well, we were,” she said almost defiantly.
“Tell me something you did together when you spent your time together.”
Silence.
“Molly…”
“I guess I can tell you about our summers.”
“Yes, do. I would love to hear about it,” he said.
She sat for a minute.Then relaxed again laying against the arm of the couch. She sat for another minute deep in thought.
Silence.
A smile crossed Molly’s face.
“We used to fish together.”
Silence.
Silence.
“See, when I was little my parents got a divorce. My dad ran off with some woman he worked with. That’s okay and all. I’m not bitter about it. We had it out a while ago when I was 14. And we ended up better for it. But, that’s beside the point.
Anyway, when my dad left, my mom was determined to make it without too much help. She’s a pretty strong woman, so she wouldn’t let something like that get her down. She got a job to make ends meet and went back to school because as she always put it, ‘Molly, a woman who can’t support herself is a wasted woman.’
Luckily, she had a great dad who thought that a woman should be able to support herself and have an education, so he volunteered to watch me while she worked and went to school.”
“That sounds like a pretty good guy to me,” he said.
“Oh, he was!” she said turning her head towards him. “He was. Now, my mom is a real prissy girl. She always has on lipstick; she wears skirts and pantyhose all the time. And, I have a touch of that, but I always tended to be more of a Tomboy. I liked to play in the dirt. I fought with boys. I loved dolls and make-up and pink. But, I really liked snakes and bikes, too. I was a kinda tough little girl. So, even though she didn’t say it, I think that threw my mom for a loop.
The first day she dropped me off at my grandfather’s house, I was playing in the back yard, and he saw me wrestling with his dog in that backyard. Well, I don’t know if you know how hard it is to wrestle with a dog while you are wearing a dress, but it isn’t easy.
So, he calls me inside and hands me an old pair of overalls. They were my uncle’s from back when he was a kid. They were a bit big, and I didn’t have a shirt to wear under them. But, right then, I knew that my granddad and I would get along forever.
For the whole summer I wore those overalls, except for three days when my mom flat our refused to let me wear them. One those three days my granddad dressed in his Sunday suit that he never wore because he never did anything on Sunday. But other than that I was all overalls. And the next day, so was my granddad.
And we had the best times together. Every Thursday whether it was hot or raining or whatever, every Thursday my granddad packed us a picnic lunch, and we went fishing. And, I love fishing! He taught me how to cast. He taught me how to bait the line. He taught me the different lures, what jigs to use, when to use a spoon, when to use a spinner, how to tie knots.” She turned her head back and was facing the ceiling again.
“And after we were done fishing, we would take our catch, start a fire, clean it, cook it, and eat it with the potato salad or chips and a big jar of pickles he always packed. And if we didn’t catch anything, there was always some kind of sandwich to eat. Liverwurst. That was usually the type of sandwich.” She turned to face him again. “You know, I won’t eat a liverwurst sandwich now because I’m afraid I will think it’s disgusting. And, I don’t want to lose those sandwiches. I always want to love them.”
A tear ran down her face. She turned and faced the ceiling again.
“He seems like a good man.”
“Oh, he was. And that wasn’t even all of it. We would have these great talks. We talked about everything. I think without him, I would have been far more resentful of my dad then I was. He always told me that it was okay to be mad at him. He told me I had a right. But, he also told me that my dad was human. He made me understand that as a human, our feelings and emotions, especially when it came to love, can change. And there isn’t anything we can do about. Some people’s change a lot. Some people’s don’t change at all. And there is no reason to live miserably for your entire life because that just makes everyone involved miserable. So even though I was angry, I understood that people’s emotions can change.”
“He sure sounds like a smart man, Molly. I see why he was your best friend.”
“It was so much more than that. He taught me how to ride a bike. He taught me how to roller skate. He taught me how to start a fire. He taught me how to play Oh Susanna on the harmonica. He taught me how to slow dance which really came in handy at the eight grade banquet.” She turned to face him again. “The boy I liked asked me to dance. And let me tell you, was he a good dancer. Thank goodness I was, too. I think that dancing skills led to my first kiss later that night. And, I told my granddad all about it. He said he was really glad for me. But, then I got the talk. You know the one.” She turned and faced the ceiling again. “He didn’t even seem embarrassed about it. Sure he cracked a couple of jokes. He was just very upfront about things. And that made me not embarrassed about it.
He taught me a lot, my granddad did. I miss him so much.”
“He’s not around anymore?”
“No, he died just before I turned 18. It was a crazy week that week. And my poor granddad was right in the middle of the worst of it.
It was the week I graduated from high school. Granddad was there, my mom, dad, Uncle Jack, and his girlfriend. We all go out to eat after the ceremony. They let my boyfriend at the time and my friend Stephanie go along.
Another girl I went to school with was our waitress. She kept slipping us alcohol in our cokes. So, by the middle of dinner, we were just toasted.” She giggled. “I would have to say that we were a little past toasted. My granddad knew. He kept giving me this look with his mouth all twisted. It was like he was half laughing, half scolding me.
Now, had my mom gotten wind of this, she would have been up in arms! She would have. So when it was time to go, we were barely holding it together. Stephanie, my boyfriend, and I were supposed to go to another friend’s party after the restaurant. But, there was no way we could drive. So, my granddad pipes in, ‘I’ve never been to a high school party. And I aim to get to one before I die.’ So he walks us out to the car and drives us over to the party. And damn it, if he didn’t stay! He was a hit. He didn’t even give us that twisted smile look he’d been giving us at dinner. He just watched all of these teenagers getting drunk and dancing and having a good old time. He even danced with a couple of girls and one of the boys. You’ve never seen anything until you see your grandfather trying to teach your friends how to do the Twist to Ice Ice Baby.
He even made sure everyone got home okay. He took carloads of kids home. And, luckily, it wasn’t until the very last trip out that Sandy Cartwell vomited all over him. He wasn’t even mad. Just told her that it was a good thing she did it because she would feel much better than the rest of us in the morning.” She laughed. A tear ran down her cheek.
Silence.
“You’re thinking about him dying, aren’t you?” He asked.
“Yes. It was so weird that he said he wanted to go to a high school party before he died because the next night he had a heart attack. He made it to the hospital. He actually got to sort of tell us all goodbye. He knew he was going. I knew he was going. But, I still couldn’t grasp it. I sat by his side crying for about an hour when he kind of came to and told me that I was the best friend he ever had. Then he died.” Tears streamed down her face. “Just like that, he died. My best friend was gone.”
“Molly, that must have taken a lot out of you. I am sorry to hear that. I really am. He seemed like such a good person. I bet his influence made you the person you are today. I know from experience that you are a kind and helpful person.”
“Yeah, a lot of good it did me.”
Silence.
“So, I told you about myself,” Molly said. “Can I get out of here now?”
“Now, Molly, you’re a smart girl. You know that it isn’t that easy. You know you can’t. You’re here. You have to stay here,” he said.
“But, I told you about myself! I did what you asked. Please,” she started to cry. It started as tears and sniffles but quickly turned into guttural sobs.
“Molly, get yourself together! There is no reason to cry that way. What would your grandfather think?”
“Don’t ask me that. Don’t talk about my granddad. He’s mine to talk about. Not yours!”
“Calm down, Molly.”
“Can you at least take these off of me?” she asked as she lifted her restrained hands toward him. “I’m calm now. I won’t do anything, I promise. Just please take them off of me.”
“Now, Molly, you know I can’t do that,” he said standing from his chair and walking to her. He started running his hands through her hair.
“But, I won’t do anything. I won’t.”
“Molly, Molly, Molly. I have heard that before. I trusted that promise only once. Look over there. You see that first one,” he said pointing again to the wall behind his leather chair that held shelf after shelf of jars containing human heads. “She said she wouldn’t do anything. Hell, they all did. But, I trusted her. If you’re hands were free, I would let you feel the dent that is still in my skull from where she cracked me over the head with an ashtray. I won’t trust that promise again.”
“Please let me go. I won’t say anyth-“
“Enough, Molly.” He put a piece of duct tape over her mouth. Tears ran down her face. “It’s okay, Molly. Just think of your grandfather. Just think of your grandfather.”
He grabbed the crown of her hair, pulled her head back over the arm of the couch, and started to saw off her head.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Grocery Mecca, I have found Thee....
Okay, I am about to look like an adult here which I don't like at all. But, here goes.
Upon moving to a whole new part of town, I have moved to a whole new grocery store. I have clung to my HEB Hancock Center for some 10 or so years now. It is very central to every place I have lived in this town. Now, it is a bit of a drive, and there is an HEB 47 seconds away from our new place. And I mean 47 seconds. I have counted it twice. It f'ing rules that it is that close.
So, day before yesterday, the Jodster and I decide it is time to go in and pick up a few things. You can only eat out so many times before you are just broke. So, we go in. And what do I find? I find the greatest grocery store I have ever seen!
It is huge, beautiful, clean, full of all kinds of neat stuff that my old store didn't have. There is an entire kosher deli! Now, I'm not Jewish, but that is freaking cool! It's so super fancy! We are totally out of place, but I don't mind. I bet nary a Lone Star Card has passed through the place (don't get me wrong, I don't mind Lone Star Card recipients because I am about $32.34 away from being one myself. I am just saying, they have never been here.) For real, this place is awesome! See...
Do you see the shine on that floor? And look at the length of that aisle! And this is only one of three! three!!! cooler aisles! The vegetarian section is so big it is on two aisles! It's like a haven for Amy's products! Oh, there is a Jesus, and he shops at the Jewish HEB! But, seriously, do you see that shine on the floor? They clean the place! It's incredible.
Then as we turn a corner, what do I see? This...
A Dr. Scholl's foot pressure measurer thingy! Jody and I had just talked about wanting to stand on one (well, I talked about it. He listened nicely about me wanting to look up where to find one and driving to it because even if it had been in San Antonio, I would have made him go find it!)! We turn the corner, and there it is! Hallelujah! Turns out I am a 430, and Jody is a 330 (we didn't buy them because they are $50, and our feet are fine). Bunch of flat footed archless losers, aren't we? Wait, you don't know because your store doesn't have one! I love this store. I do.
Now, we didn't do hardcore shopping because we were hungry. Oh, and let me say just one last thing about it...9 types of tomatoes! Nine! I make salsa all the time, so having that many types of tomatoes to add to it is awesome! But, we are going tomorrow to do actual shopping shopping. Sadly, we are on a budget because moving always costs about a thousand more dollars than you think it will. And this place is magnificent! So, it is going to suck to budget shop. But, alas, I am an expert at it at this point.
So, there is my happiness at living 47 seconds from the most super awesome whooper doopity doo HEB! And the parking is good. Oh, I am a happy girl.
The downfall of moving? We can't find our dishes which is forcing us to do stuff like this...
Yes, I had to eat my pizza off of a cutting board! Now, it's Mangia pizza, so you have to use a fork and a plate. It's freaking good. But, how sad are we?
Unpacking and grocery shopping, here we come. This weekend shall be fab!
Upon moving to a whole new part of town, I have moved to a whole new grocery store. I have clung to my HEB Hancock Center for some 10 or so years now. It is very central to every place I have lived in this town. Now, it is a bit of a drive, and there is an HEB 47 seconds away from our new place. And I mean 47 seconds. I have counted it twice. It f'ing rules that it is that close.
So, day before yesterday, the Jodster and I decide it is time to go in and pick up a few things. You can only eat out so many times before you are just broke. So, we go in. And what do I find? I find the greatest grocery store I have ever seen!
It is huge, beautiful, clean, full of all kinds of neat stuff that my old store didn't have. There is an entire kosher deli! Now, I'm not Jewish, but that is freaking cool! It's so super fancy! We are totally out of place, but I don't mind. I bet nary a Lone Star Card has passed through the place (don't get me wrong, I don't mind Lone Star Card recipients because I am about $32.34 away from being one myself. I am just saying, they have never been here.) For real, this place is awesome! See...
Do you see the shine on that floor? And look at the length of that aisle! And this is only one of three! three!!! cooler aisles! The vegetarian section is so big it is on two aisles! It's like a haven for Amy's products! Oh, there is a Jesus, and he shops at the Jewish HEB! But, seriously, do you see that shine on the floor? They clean the place! It's incredible.
Then as we turn a corner, what do I see? This...
A Dr. Scholl's foot pressure measurer thingy! Jody and I had just talked about wanting to stand on one (well, I talked about it. He listened nicely about me wanting to look up where to find one and driving to it because even if it had been in San Antonio, I would have made him go find it!)! We turn the corner, and there it is! Hallelujah! Turns out I am a 430, and Jody is a 330 (we didn't buy them because they are $50, and our feet are fine). Bunch of flat footed archless losers, aren't we? Wait, you don't know because your store doesn't have one! I love this store. I do.
Now, we didn't do hardcore shopping because we were hungry. Oh, and let me say just one last thing about it...9 types of tomatoes! Nine! I make salsa all the time, so having that many types of tomatoes to add to it is awesome! But, we are going tomorrow to do actual shopping shopping. Sadly, we are on a budget because moving always costs about a thousand more dollars than you think it will. And this place is magnificent! So, it is going to suck to budget shop. But, alas, I am an expert at it at this point.
So, there is my happiness at living 47 seconds from the most super awesome whooper doopity doo HEB! And the parking is good. Oh, I am a happy girl.
The downfall of moving? We can't find our dishes which is forcing us to do stuff like this...
Yes, I had to eat my pizza off of a cutting board! Now, it's Mangia pizza, so you have to use a fork and a plate. It's freaking good. But, how sad are we?
Unpacking and grocery shopping, here we come. This weekend shall be fab!
Friday, August 28, 2009
I will have you people know...
that moving sucks. It really does. How is it that we are this unorganized? And how is it that so much dust, dirt, animal toy stuffing, bits of paper, and just random weird shit can be hiding behind the smallest thing. I mean, I am not what one would refer to as a neat freak, but I am not the slob of the century! Ugh! I swear to f'ing Spaghetti Monster that I just can't do this again without the help of movers! This is misery. And, boy, do I know misery.
That being said, I am in a crap mood. However, I sure am glad to be getting out of this nightmare of a house. I love it. It's cute. I like the neighborhood. But, the nightmare this place has been. One day soon I will give you the rundown of why we are moving. The breaking point was the third in a row electric bill that was just unacceptable. And by that, I mean $626! I fear what August's will bring! So, yeah, we had to get!
All in all, it will be over and done with this weekend. It has to be! That's when we have to be out by. So, let's hope it goes well. Let's hope that Jody and I don't kill each other or our stink bag dogs! Yay! Moving is fun!
That being said, I am in a crap mood. However, I sure am glad to be getting out of this nightmare of a house. I love it. It's cute. I like the neighborhood. But, the nightmare this place has been. One day soon I will give you the rundown of why we are moving. The breaking point was the third in a row electric bill that was just unacceptable. And by that, I mean $626! I fear what August's will bring! So, yeah, we had to get!
All in all, it will be over and done with this weekend. It has to be! That's when we have to be out by. So, let's hope it goes well. Let's hope that Jody and I don't kill each other or our stink bag dogs! Yay! Moving is fun!
People are assfaces sometimes!
This may be too much info, but I don't care. It is my blog. And if I want to talk about gross things, I can. Mandy, close your eyes now...
Okay, I work 12 to 13 hour shifts at work. Sometimes during these shifts, one must use the facilities, if you get my drift. I mean, "use" the facilities. I am being tactful here.
So, on occasion one must go. And if one where me, one can't go with anyone else in the bathroom. It ain't happening. I will sit there dying, but I will not go! I can't. I really just can't. Can't have any sort of an audience.
So, when this happens I try to wait out the people in the bathroom. What kills me is when people don't leave. You know when someone is in a stall waiting for some privacy. When I am that person not in the stall, I hurry my ass up before others come in because I know the stall person needs a moment. I get in and out. Give that person a moment alone.
Not where I work! Not at all. Today, (okay, y'all, I had to poop today. I let the secret out! I poop!) I went in a sat down. Of course, someone walks in behind me. Dang! She tinkles then proceeds to take 1 minute and 17 seconds (I was timing with my phone and counting in my head) to wash her stupid hands, dry them off with apparently 92303489 paper towels, and leave. Why? Did she pee all over her arms and hands? Does she have to look in the mirror for 30 seconds? What the hell, lady! Get the fuck out! I almost screamed it. I really did.
People, go to the bathroom and get out, especially if you know someone is in there and has to go. 1 minute 17 seconds is a long time to sit on the pot and not go when you really, really have to! I mean, I only go when absolutely necessary in public. So, come on. Would you not want someone to leave you alone for a moment? That is far too much time to spend washing your danged hands. And all the paper towels? You damn tree killer! Come on. Get the fuck out of the bathroom!
Okay, that is my rant. I have no idea why people just don't show a little bit of kindness by washing their hands and getting the hell out. You know when someone has to go. So, let them go for Christ's sake! It's the only decent thing to do.
Okay, enough of my rant. But, keep in mind next time you want to spend five minutes in the bathroom just screwing around that others might really have to go and would rather gouge their eyes out with broken glass than have to go when others are around. Be kind, rewind, People!
Thank you, and goodnight!
Okay, I work 12 to 13 hour shifts at work. Sometimes during these shifts, one must use the facilities, if you get my drift. I mean, "use" the facilities. I am being tactful here.
So, on occasion one must go. And if one where me, one can't go with anyone else in the bathroom. It ain't happening. I will sit there dying, but I will not go! I can't. I really just can't. Can't have any sort of an audience.
So, when this happens I try to wait out the people in the bathroom. What kills me is when people don't leave. You know when someone is in a stall waiting for some privacy. When I am that person not in the stall, I hurry my ass up before others come in because I know the stall person needs a moment. I get in and out. Give that person a moment alone.
Not where I work! Not at all. Today, (okay, y'all, I had to poop today. I let the secret out! I poop!) I went in a sat down. Of course, someone walks in behind me. Dang! She tinkles then proceeds to take 1 minute and 17 seconds (I was timing with my phone and counting in my head) to wash her stupid hands, dry them off with apparently 92303489 paper towels, and leave. Why? Did she pee all over her arms and hands? Does she have to look in the mirror for 30 seconds? What the hell, lady! Get the fuck out! I almost screamed it. I really did.
People, go to the bathroom and get out, especially if you know someone is in there and has to go. 1 minute 17 seconds is a long time to sit on the pot and not go when you really, really have to! I mean, I only go when absolutely necessary in public. So, come on. Would you not want someone to leave you alone for a moment? That is far too much time to spend washing your danged hands. And all the paper towels? You damn tree killer! Come on. Get the fuck out of the bathroom!
Okay, that is my rant. I have no idea why people just don't show a little bit of kindness by washing their hands and getting the hell out. You know when someone has to go. So, let them go for Christ's sake! It's the only decent thing to do.
Okay, enough of my rant. But, keep in mind next time you want to spend five minutes in the bathroom just screwing around that others might really have to go and would rather gouge their eyes out with broken glass than have to go when others are around. Be kind, rewind, People!
Thank you, and goodnight!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Moving sucks!
We are moving. It is sucking. Just thought you would like to know. I am not loving it at all!
Update:
We are still tired. Moving still sucks. We are done for the day. Yay! Except there is way more to do. Note to self, never move all the way across m f'ing town again! Like for real across town. Not just half way, all the way! Ugh!
In packing, I did find Schneider's old fishing outfit that he hated so much. So, I made Gus wear it as punishment for not quite getting this potty training thing! Here he is. He is so damn cute!!
As I do with every move, I start deciding I want to throw tons of crap away. And in doing so, I start making a pile in the middle of the floor. This pile gets walked on, I start throwing stuff just slightly outside the pile, the dogs run through it, I get pissed off at something and kick the pile, etc. etc. etc... Just like every move, this pile has turned into a huge mess covering the living room floor. Why do I do this every time?
Also, this is the last time without movers. I think my age and my fat and my out of shape have all finally caught up with each other. It's a terrible thing! Also, moving in flip flops not a good idea. I've done it before, but again, it's all catching up.
We are done for the day. Saturday is the biggie if anyone wants to come and help!! 10 am! Hurray! Or not hurray. More like suck-ay. But, it must be done.
By the way, anyone want a couch?
Oh, and I would like to thank Jody for knowing that a sno cone will cure anything, and buying me a super duper rainbow one! See why I love him? He carries all the heavy stuff and buys me a sno cone. He's a good man!
Oh, and I just have to say this, but I hate the AT&T Mary J. Blige commercial. She really should have rethought those tattoos. Not good. Not at all. Of course, she is rich and famous, so who am I to say anything. But, I hate them! And I hate that commercial.
Enough, I'm going away now...
Update:
We are still tired. Moving still sucks. We are done for the day. Yay! Except there is way more to do. Note to self, never move all the way across m f'ing town again! Like for real across town. Not just half way, all the way! Ugh!
In packing, I did find Schneider's old fishing outfit that he hated so much. So, I made Gus wear it as punishment for not quite getting this potty training thing! Here he is. He is so damn cute!!
As I do with every move, I start deciding I want to throw tons of crap away. And in doing so, I start making a pile in the middle of the floor. This pile gets walked on, I start throwing stuff just slightly outside the pile, the dogs run through it, I get pissed off at something and kick the pile, etc. etc. etc... Just like every move, this pile has turned into a huge mess covering the living room floor. Why do I do this every time?
Also, this is the last time without movers. I think my age and my fat and my out of shape have all finally caught up with each other. It's a terrible thing! Also, moving in flip flops not a good idea. I've done it before, but again, it's all catching up.
We are done for the day. Saturday is the biggie if anyone wants to come and help!! 10 am! Hurray! Or not hurray. More like suck-ay. But, it must be done.
By the way, anyone want a couch?
Oh, and I would like to thank Jody for knowing that a sno cone will cure anything, and buying me a super duper rainbow one! See why I love him? He carries all the heavy stuff and buys me a sno cone. He's a good man!
Oh, and I just have to say this, but I hate the AT&T Mary J. Blige commercial. She really should have rethought those tattoos. Not good. Not at all. Of course, she is rich and famous, so who am I to say anything. But, I hate them! And I hate that commercial.
Enough, I'm going away now...
Sunday, August 23, 2009
My Dog Sleeps Like a Weirdo!
Freaky weirdo dog! I love him, but he's a goon with his open eye, teeth sleep. Isn't it funny?
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Moving, Omlets, and Douchebag Sorority Girls....Ah, what a Friday night!
Well, ain't a whole lot has happened in the past few days. We are looking at new places to live. I think we are going with a place in the Far West area. I never thought I would live over there. But, it's clean, cheap, and close to enough crap that it is convinient. It beats the hell out of living in the semi-ghetto we live in right now.
Don't get me wrong, I love it over here! I do. I am a ghetto person. But, sometimes, you just have to move on. So, that is what we are doing. Well, we kinda have to because we aren't renewing our lease because the house we live in is falling apart. Not horribly. Well, somewhat. It's just time to move on.
I sure do hate moving. I do. I really hate it. I'm not even good at it anymore the way I used to be. I think I have gotten too fat and too old to want to do this anymore! Also, I am too lazy. And, it is too hot! For real! But mostly, I just don't want to do it. But, I guess I am gonna.
New Subject!
Last night, the Jodster and I went to the Star Seeds. It's a fairly decent dive restaurant. It used to be a lot divier until this douche bag restaurant bought them, but that's another story.
So, we are sitting there, and this girl at the next booth kept asking the waitress the most ridiculous questions. She actually had the waitress go to the kitchen to ask the "Chef" (that's what the dumb girl said) how he prepared the chicken in a couple of dishes. Now this might sound reasonable at some places, but here, it's not. It's retarded! Just to give you an idea of why, here are some pictures of the place.
That is the whole thing. A few booths and a counter. The chef doesn't prepare the chicken. He cooks that shit! This is a restaurant that I have had a waiter bring me food with his track marks bleeding. I am not lying. This isn't a chef restaurant!
Then she kept asking about things on the menu even though she didn't have one with her. She asked things like..."What do you have?" Seriously! The waitress was trying to recommend things, but she was liking them.
"How about a breakfast taco?"
"What's in it?" (what's in it? Is she retarded? What ever the hell you want to be in it!)
"Well, lots of thing. They're good, and they are pretty big."
"Well, that sounds too big. I don't want that. Do you have regular tacos?"
"We do. They come with..."
"Wait, I don't want that."
At this point the waitress reaches over the counter and grabs a menu for the girl and hands it to her.
"I don't want that. Just bring me some queso. (Of course. After all that, like the dumb sorostitute she is, she orders something like queso.)
"You want the appetizer sized queso?"
"Well, yes."
Then the douche lets out a big sigh and falls back in the booth like she's exasperated.
Are you fucking kidding me? I really wanted to go over and punch her. For real! She was such a douche. Here is a picture of her that I had to take because she was an asshole. It's a crappy picture, but I got what I could get.
See her over there leaning against the wall. She had a dirty look on her face the whole time!
And the awesome part was the queso and chips where huge! I think they might have given her an extra big one because she didn't want anything big because it all seemed to be too much. And can someone explain how a breakfast taco is less anything than a large order of chips and queso? I would think the queso would be worse for you. But, what do I know, I am not a stupid,spoiled 18 year old sorority girl with a permanent sneer. Luckily, other than "I can't talk to her because her face is so ugly" and "Why don't I have more tea? Where's the girl?," I was able to block her out for the rest of our meal. Thank goodness for good company, a yummy vegetarian omelet, and my new friend Frenchy the Snooty French cup of Coke.
Really, the girl was a complete asshole, and not in that good kind of asshole way I like. She was more of a twat, I would say. Of course, this is what happens to Austin every August. The influx of a whole new crop of 18 year old douchebags! Luckily, many will drop out for reasons such as: binge drinking and failing classes, gaining weight, getting a complex, becoming depressed, and dropping classes, or getting pregnant and dropping out. So come October, it is more normal. Still full of dickheads like that girl above but less of them.
So, that is all for me for now. I am off to either grocery shop or pack boxes. I can't decide which I want to do less, so it is difficult to decide. Maybe I will just sit here and watch TV. No, I know I will just sit here and watch TV.
That is all!
Don't get me wrong, I love it over here! I do. I am a ghetto person. But, sometimes, you just have to move on. So, that is what we are doing. Well, we kinda have to because we aren't renewing our lease because the house we live in is falling apart. Not horribly. Well, somewhat. It's just time to move on.
I sure do hate moving. I do. I really hate it. I'm not even good at it anymore the way I used to be. I think I have gotten too fat and too old to want to do this anymore! Also, I am too lazy. And, it is too hot! For real! But mostly, I just don't want to do it. But, I guess I am gonna.
New Subject!
Last night, the Jodster and I went to the Star Seeds. It's a fairly decent dive restaurant. It used to be a lot divier until this douche bag restaurant bought them, but that's another story.
So, we are sitting there, and this girl at the next booth kept asking the waitress the most ridiculous questions. She actually had the waitress go to the kitchen to ask the "Chef" (that's what the dumb girl said) how he prepared the chicken in a couple of dishes. Now this might sound reasonable at some places, but here, it's not. It's retarded! Just to give you an idea of why, here are some pictures of the place.
That is the whole thing. A few booths and a counter. The chef doesn't prepare the chicken. He cooks that shit! This is a restaurant that I have had a waiter bring me food with his track marks bleeding. I am not lying. This isn't a chef restaurant!
Then she kept asking about things on the menu even though she didn't have one with her. She asked things like..."What do you have?" Seriously! The waitress was trying to recommend things, but she was liking them.
"How about a breakfast taco?"
"What's in it?" (what's in it? Is she retarded? What ever the hell you want to be in it!)
"Well, lots of thing. They're good, and they are pretty big."
"Well, that sounds too big. I don't want that. Do you have regular tacos?"
"We do. They come with..."
"Wait, I don't want that."
At this point the waitress reaches over the counter and grabs a menu for the girl and hands it to her.
"I don't want that. Just bring me some queso. (Of course. After all that, like the dumb sorostitute she is, she orders something like queso.)
"You want the appetizer sized queso?"
"Well, yes."
Then the douche lets out a big sigh and falls back in the booth like she's exasperated.
Are you fucking kidding me? I really wanted to go over and punch her. For real! She was such a douche. Here is a picture of her that I had to take because she was an asshole. It's a crappy picture, but I got what I could get.
See her over there leaning against the wall. She had a dirty look on her face the whole time!
And the awesome part was the queso and chips where huge! I think they might have given her an extra big one because she didn't want anything big because it all seemed to be too much. And can someone explain how a breakfast taco is less anything than a large order of chips and queso? I would think the queso would be worse for you. But, what do I know, I am not a stupid,spoiled 18 year old sorority girl with a permanent sneer. Luckily, other than "I can't talk to her because her face is so ugly" and "Why don't I have more tea? Where's the girl?," I was able to block her out for the rest of our meal. Thank goodness for good company, a yummy vegetarian omelet, and my new friend Frenchy the Snooty French cup of Coke.
Really, the girl was a complete asshole, and not in that good kind of asshole way I like. She was more of a twat, I would say. Of course, this is what happens to Austin every August. The influx of a whole new crop of 18 year old douchebags! Luckily, many will drop out for reasons such as: binge drinking and failing classes, gaining weight, getting a complex, becoming depressed, and dropping classes, or getting pregnant and dropping out. So come October, it is more normal. Still full of dickheads like that girl above but less of them.
So, that is all for me for now. I am off to either grocery shop or pack boxes. I can't decide which I want to do less, so it is difficult to decide. Maybe I will just sit here and watch TV. No, I know I will just sit here and watch TV.
That is all!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I am done with all the schooling I can handle for some years!
Well, I am a master now. I have been super busy these past few months, and my blog is showing it. So, here is a little rundown in pictures of what has been going on. Nothing fancy, just stuff.
So, this has been it in a nutshell. Nothing fancy. I don't have any actual pictures of me graduating yet. I am sure I will get some. Hope everyone else is having some sort of a decent summer. I will update more promptly now because I have a lot of jibberish in my head that I need to get out!
So, this has been it in a nutshell. Nothing fancy. I don't have any actual pictures of me graduating yet. I am sure I will get some. Hope everyone else is having some sort of a decent summer. I will update more promptly now because I have a lot of jibberish in my head that I need to get out!
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