More fun on Cap Metro!

Today, I have decided to write a bit more about riding the bus. If you read yesterdays, you know they are advertising for careers in the pornational arts at the bus stops now. It's fab! Honey World wants you! See...



In just a few short minutes, you too can be standing in front of a Hummer whilst giving a hummer! Holy shit. Why am I in grad school! Actually, why am I in grad school and riding the bus. Let's pretend it is the desperate need to reduce my carbon footprint. Yea, that's the ticket! And they pay room and board. So, not only do you get to star in porn (which really, I am not offended or bothered by at all. In fact, I think if done correctly and enjoyed, it can be quite a lucrative career.), but you also get to be a sex slave. Oh, hurray! Just want a young girl wants!

Anyway, if you are interested in a new career, just call that 350 number. Oh yes, this is where it all starts! At a bus stop on the east side. I feel success in my future!

Needless to say, I am not against porn. In fact, I have been known to watch it like a 13 year old boy who just discovered the Internet!

So, the next exciting thing that happened to me at the bus stop happened this morning. At 7 am in front of the capital on Congress, I am sitting at the bus stop. Well, some yucko man comes up and starts asking me where I'm going. My response is north, then I look back down to read. Then he starts asking me questions which I am ignoring. Then he asks about a bus that had gone by just before he got there. So, okay, I will let him know that. And lo and behold, his penis is hanging out of his pants! Yes, my friends, his wang was suddenly hanging out of his pants!

He looked down all surprised like he didn't know that suddenly his dick had fallen out of his previously zipped pants. I, of course, burst out laughing. I think he realized I was laughing at his small penis.

Luckily, my bus came (no pun intended) right then, so I just got up and got on the bench. Oh, early morning sexual assault. It is fun for all!

What really threw me was that he must have assumed this would work. Like that was going to get me! Oh, yeah! I love that penis hanging out. Give me some of that. It's how I met Jody. He randomly walked up to me and let his penis fall out. It's been like Heaven ever since! (Please note that that is a joke)

Everyday, I do get the fine pleasure of seeing the tourist taking the Segway tour down Congress and towards the capital building. Seems they are mighty popular here in Austin. Unfortunately, the only thing I see when I see a Segway is Gob from Arrested Development. I don't know if any of you watched this show, but it is the funniest show set forth by human beings (and Opie)since the dawn of time. So, every time I see these people, I start to laugh. It's quite mean of me. But, I can't help it. See for yourself...



This clip also contains part of the chicken that Gob does. Okay, I have to include that because it fucking rules!


You can forward to about :55 for the best part. Oh, how I loved this. Wait, now you have to see the final countdown. I mean, how can I portray Gob if you don't get the whole picture?



Isn't it just awesome? Yes it is. I don't care what you say! This is the best TV show ever!!!

Anyway, see why I laugh? To me Segway = Douchebag Illusionist!

Nothing to much else except I learned today what a woman with one front tooth and two bottom teeth looks like when she chews gum. It looks like she gums it. That was a stranger sight than the small penis. It really was.



God, how I love the city bus!

Wanna be a hooker? Ride the bus!

I have absolutely nothing to write about today. But, I haven't written in a long while, so I thought I should write something.

Life is life. Nothing bad, nothing fantastic. I have been having a fantastic time riding the bus. See, now that I have gone from the fancy part of town (where I was gentrified out by having my rent raised a few hundred dollars a month) to the poor part of town (which I am doing my part to gentrify), the bus rides have been quite different! Oh yes. Lots more crack, drunks, hookers, peeing at the bus stop (not, others). My favorite thing is hanging at the bus stop closest to my house. There are nice full-color flyers/small posters for ladies (all shapes and sized welcome) to be escorts and in porn movies. Luckily, these ads are taped (and I mean super taped) to the only two payphones known to exist in the world, the ones at the bus stop. I assume it is for quick calling. Maybe they will pick up! I mean, you can call and be the star of a porn in less than an hour!

I meant to take a picture of it today, but forgot. Anyway, if you are ever riding the bus in the bad part of town, well....you got yourself a new career! Hell, they'll even take me, and I'm really fat! What more could a girl ask for.

Now, mind you, this is the bus stop where lots and lots of children sit everyday. So, of course, this is sending a good message to those girls. You know, what more does an 8 year old girl who is super poor need? How about a little coaxing into the sex industry. I bet it works, though. Maybe in a few short years I will see my neighbor's children on Hookers on the Point 9. That is always uplifting to the community!


So, that's the saga of the bus stop. I wonder what will happen in the morning on my way home?

ELO is now my friend!

Haha! I think they must have read my blog! It turned them! Okay, maybe not. Maybe they just took a while. So be it. I won!

ELO

I have been having this obsession with ELO lately. That's ELO or Electric Light Orchestra. If you weren't alive before like '82, you will have no idea who they are. If you are my age, you will. If you are older, you really will.

Anyway, I have had this hankering to listen to nothing but ELO lately. I really dig them. Like a lot. And, it seems now, a lot more than usual. I have no idea why. I am trying to be their myspace friend to no avail. You would think that they would be grateful to have any myspace friends. But, they don't seem to be to keen on me being one. Why the hell not? I am a hip, young girl from a super cool town. Okay, I may not be hip and young (but compared to ELO, I am). But, I am from a super cool town. Apparently, the coolest town in the history of town. Really, not anymore now that all the newbies have moved here. But, that is beside the point. Why will ELO not accept me as a friend?

First, let me tell you that I have the entire Xanadu soundtrack committed to memory. How many people can say that? 11? 17? 34 at the most! If I listen to Strange Magic or Telephone Line any more than I do, the boyfriend might wring my neck. I think if I can subliminally send myself singing Waterfall to them, they will accept me.

What is so wrong with me that a band won't accept my friendship. I am a fairly decent friend. Well, if you don't expect me to call you or answer the phone. Other than that, though, I'm okay. If ELO would text me, I would text back! I would! I would pick them up if they were downtown and too drunk to drive. I would sit and listen to them talk about the guy they are dating even though I hate the guy they are dating. I won't even tell them that. I will actually pretend I like him. And, I will invite them to every BBQ, pinata, bocce ball happening that my little crew has! I would! And I would do it all whilst smiling and making them feel at home. I wouldn't even mind that they always sing the same song at Karaoke (although, they can't have 18 and Life because that is Maria and my song).

So, what's the deal? Really? Am I being rejected by ELO? I think I am. Now, I shall go listen to sad ELO songs in order to take my blues to a new level!

But, in spreading the word...Here is some Xanadu. I think I post this everywhere. I am trying to get people on my side about the greatness of this movie! I missed the Broadway show, and it is now over. Dammit! But, alas, there is nothing I can do for ELO hates me. Bastards!



And by the way (this has nothing to do with ELO) when will spell check realize that myspace is not spelled wrong? Jesus on a turkey sandwich, this is 2008. Myspace is a normal thing! It isn't as if I made it up myself. I bet Rupert Murdoch owns all spell checks throughout the universe, so you would think that he would allow them to recognize his own myspace. Ugh! Damn spell check!

Today is my one year anniversary

I think I am going to have a fun day. Yay! One year, and still in love. Super love. Super man that I am in love with. I guess it isn't that hard to stay in love for a year. In fact, it may be the easiest of all things to do.

But, we've gotten to know each other well. Started building a home. Have a lot of silly fun. Have great sex. Finally found someone who can keep up with me. Who knew a few times a day was asking a lot? Not me. Really, I didn't realize that was a lot. Actually, I thought once a day was normal. So, sorry to all you previous fellows out there who understood that I was insatiable. I didn't quite get it. Thank goodness that my mister has the same problem! Wow, I think that made me sound like a slutty nymphomaniac. I can't say I haven't had my moments. But, really, my number is pretty low compared to a lot of people. Maybe more than two hands worth, but definitely less that three. Is this too personal? Wait, it's a blog. It's supposed to be. But, hell, I sure am feeling all talkative, aren't I?

But, I really have enjoyed the last year with him. Can't say I enjoyed the mess of an ex-wife. Wow, that is a lot of emotional all trapped in one woman. Gosh, almighty! You have no idea. I mean, I get anger and pain and sad and more anger...I do, I get it. That's why I stay out of the whole mess (of course, I am writing about it here). I'm not butting my nose in or saying anything no matter how much I want to (except right here). But, come on. How can you even like a man who has been in a committed relationship with someone else (living in another state and living a life completely independent)for a year now? Hell, we've lived together since February! A man who obvious is way way way over you. One who has been way way way over you for years? It's a lot to deal with. And I am not normally one who is able to keep her mouth shut. I try not to be an asshole, though. I try to understand both sides (although the longer it goes on, the harder it is). But, since it has been a year, it seems things are finally coming to an end on that front. Not that they weren't over before. But, legalities and whatnot. Gracious, it is a lot to take sometime. Not that I am in any hurry to do anything with our relationship other than what we are doing.

I am quite enjoying this whole Jody and Laura thing. I really am. It's a lot of fun. And never ever a dull moment. I think it has something to do with his curly hair. Probably not, but I sure do love that curly hair! And that drummer thing. Oh, and the sense of humour (I'm British now). And seeing big old shoes all over the house...yep, that's enough of that.




The man had a car wreck this week. Boo. Poor Maurice the car did not survive. The man did, and for that I am glad. He is bruised and burned and sprained and beat. Shoulders ache, wrists don't work right, scabs abound, an entirely blue/green arm. But, alas, it is just a car. And no one was seriously hurt. I feel bad for them both. Luckily, the car is paid off this week. Just in time to never drive it again. Super fun! Gosh, I really liked that car. Finally, air conditioning!

Started riding the bus again. Saying it is because I want to be green. Lying because it is for the reason above. I actually don't mind riding the bus so much. I forget that when I have a car. I have spent a good majority of my adulthood without a vehicle. I have been poor for the most part of this fun filled adultness. So, my cars have always been a bit on the older side. In fact, the newest was Maurice (may he rest in peace). And he was a 98. So, as goes with older cars, they start falling apart. (Or their moron owner forgets to put the oil cap back on them and drives around for three days spurting oil everywhere and cracks the block). And, being as I am poor white recycling (not quite trash, as I am degreed and all), I never have enough money to fix the dang things. So, they just go to car heaven. Then I end up on the bus until I can save up $1500 or so to get a new one.

Now, we aren't carless. We have Jody's truck. Unfortunately, the brakes on it are sucking ass. And since it is a lean month. Well, lean couple of months. You see, electricity in Texas during the summer months runs about $300 a month. And with the move and deposit of $200...well, you see where this is going. So add it all up and even a well paid lad and lady of Austin (the gentrification capital of the USA) can't get a brake job done until next month. Of course, had we done it a month ago when it just made a noise, it would have been way way way way way cheaper. But, oh no...not us. For we are lazy and poor minded people. And with that frame of mind, you put things off that should be taken care of. Oh, look at me lecturing myself. I should stop...

Anyway, this started out with me riding the bus. It truly doesn't bother me that much. In fact, sometimes it is nice to have a few minutes to yourself to read. The bus I have to take (well, the first one. I transfer when going to both work and school) isn't very crowded. It is a long ride, sure. And leaving for work an hour and a half early sucks ass. But, who cares. I get a bit of a walk in. I feel more like I am part of something. That sounds weird. It does. And I can't explain it. But, bussing it around this city has made me learn a lot about it. I see things most don't. I get to know the people better. I really don't mind it at all. Of course, it sucks when it rains. And sure, I would rather drive. But, I am glad I don't mind. It is not below me, as I am sure lots of people think it is. But, again, I am poor white recycling. I belong on a bus. I am going against my station by getting a Masters. I am supposed to be working on my career as a clerk at the Wal-Greens. So, I am doing pretty good.

I've decided I have become way too fat. I used to look like this...


Now, I look like this...



Where did all that chin come from? Luckily, he still thinks I'm sexy. Likes em kinda fat. Thank god! Actually, I guess he met me whilst fat, as I have been fat since about the fourth grade. So, I am guessing he still thinks I'm sexy is a stupid thing to say. He has always found me sexy and still does because other than that double chin and a bit of gut, I haven't gotten that much fatter. I mean, 30lbs is a lot when you are a waif, but when you are a buffalo to begin with, it doesn't show all that much. But, still. I miss that no double chin thing I once had going on. Damn it, Cokes and Cheetohs and Burger King and M&Ms!

I did the weight watchers for a really long time. I also worked out at a gym 4 days a week. Yes, I did. And, you know what really pissed me off about it? It worked. It did. And I felt fabulous. But, see, I'm lazy and self defeating. So, I stopped. I also realized I had only eaten eggs and tofu stir fries for six months. Now, that was good and all. But this once, I ate some chocolate, and I though my mouth, brain, and vagina were going to explode all at the same time. So, I went back to food. And, since I am an uncontrollable freak (not at all in the freak way in the sex paragraph above), I have gained a few. I keep trying to get back on track. But, dammit, I am a failure. I love pizza. How is it that I am the fattest vegetarian (with the occassional fish because it is damn good) on the planet. Dammit for cheese being vegetarian!

I haven't gotten a chance to hang out a lot lately with people. It's depressing. Between work and school, I have no time. I miss my people. I miss you, people! I do! I miss my Kristy and Katie and Kate and Leah and Maria and Koley and Paul and everyone. I do! I have to get hold of my social life again. Hell, I may never see my dream Robert/Richard again at this rate. I have been feeling the effects. I have. I used to be a social butterfly. Now, I am a nothing butterfly. I must get out more. I am becoming a hermit. I have no where to wear all my fancy hair ribbons.

Okay, enough of me.

TTFN

Please go away!

I have had a headache for the past week. Damn allergies. I think my head is either going to explode or implode. I can't tell which. I wish it would stop. Really, I do!