Chester, You're a Bastard!

Cheetos are the devil.  I swear, they will be my undoing.  Why do I love them so?  I mean, they are one of the reasons my rear end is so large.  .

I hate you, Cheetos.  I hate you.  But, I love you so!  I have to go away from you for a while.  See, I have this dress I have to fit into in September.  So, you Cheetos, will have to go live with your Great Uncle Funyun in that Great Balloon Farm in the sky.

And, I won't miss you too  much.  I won't.  Sometimes I forget about you altogether for a time.  Then you come back.  You're all skewed and orange and whistling a fancy tune.  That's just the way you are.  Sometimes you are puffed.  Sometimes you are balled.  Sometimes you are zingy hot.  You are always a delicious treat.

But, alas, good Cheetos, you are no longer for me.  You will have to be satisfied with living in the mouth of Britney Spears.  And, you will be happy there.  You won't show up as well on the gut, but you will live in luxury.  And, when we meet again, we will have an amazing reunion.  You will be missed.  Not by my thighs, my metabolism, my heart, my liver, or my kidneys.  But, you will be missed.