This story could be way more exciting

Ah, the weather here is cold. It is cold as hell. I am not digging it. Luckily, I got no where to go tomorrow. So, it ain't so bad. Yesterday, however, it was not so fun.

I got out to my truck, took off, and it died. I turned it back on, took off, got to the stop sign. Stopped. Started to take off, and it died. And it was dead. Dead dead. Nothing was working. No hazards, no key buzz, no nothing. The damn cold weather had zapped the battery.

The shitty part about it was that I was in the middle of turning left into a lane, it was 7am, and I was leaving work. So, not only was it cold, but I was exhausted. That, and I was blocking all kinds of traffic.

Luckily, my friend David came to my rescue. He jumped me off, I took off, and that bitch died again. We jumped it again. Nothing! Not a damn thing. So, off to Auto Zone we go. Luckily, they had a battery, and David hooked it up for me.

So, I got to go home. I was nervous the whole way thinking the car would die. But it didn't.

There was a really cool thing. I was part of the traffic report! Isn't that cool? Yes it is! And luckily everything turned out okay.

Well, this is a truly boring story. For some reason, I put no fun or excitment into it. It was very eventful, though. Take it from me. And, man, was I cold!

Okay, that's the boring ass story for the day. Ain't it great? I had a camera and a phone. Had I remembered, I would have taken a picture. I am not super cool because I totally didn't. But, alas, at least I got a battery.

Granny Laura needs some tunage!

You know what I realized today? I realized that I haven't been to a show (or concert, if you will) in a really long time. I live in the live music capital of the world, and the last show I went to was in July! What kind of nonsense is that? I totally enjoy going to see live music. I am all up in the mix with a musician! So, why in the hell have I not gone out to see some dandy live tunes in so long?

Well, maybe it is because no one I like is ever playing. Well, sometimes they are. I realized the other day that I haven't liked any new music in a super long time. I don't know if it because I am getting old or just not cool in any way. But, it sucks. I need to get out there an listen to new music. I mean, sure I have listened to new music. But, it is always someone I already like...Beck, Wilco, whoever. But, nothing really new. The last "new" band I totally got into was MGMT. They are awesome. That was two years ago, though. I am so behind the times. It is no wonder I am not keeping up with the cool kid hipsterness that is the Austin, TX.

So, what is one to do? Listen to the radio? I do that. They play all crap. Believe me, I listen to the radio. Our vehicle has only a radio. No CD, not even a tape player! Nothing. Just radio. So, I get to hear what all the kids are listening to today. Sure, I like the Lady GaGa. But, I can't stand the "alternative" station. The rest of them just play Jonas Brothers/Carry Underwood death crap. I am not too into the whole pop thing. I listen to the hip hop station because mostly it is fun. But, I generally stick to oldies and classic rock (because we all need to hear Money by Pink Floyd 22304982390482392 times a day).

So, what's a girl to do. I don't want to just wrap it up and be old, talking about kids today and their music. And I am bored senseless with the same old shit I have been listening to for what seems like years.

I need suggestions! I need something! I feel like such old lady. And that ain't happening to me yet. Fat, sure. Cranky, sure. Old, no! Well, maybe a little old. But not old enough not to like decent music!

Okay, enough. I sure do love to bitch! But, then again, who doesn't.

If Flava Flav Were Here, This Would be More Interesting

Well, after four wonderful days off, I am at work again. You think I would be well-rested and raring to go. Well, I walked in, and blah. Back to blah. I must say having four days off in a row absolutely rules! But, then you have to go back to work. Oh, why am I not rich or at least have a trust fund? Well, that would be because my parents have $.03. So, I guess I will have to keep having a job!

In the past couple of days, I have done absolutely nothing. So, I am guessing there isn't much exciting to talk about. Jody did give me a fabulous massage last night. Sometimes, he just does super awesome things like that for me. I highly recommend loving up on a massage therapist. It sure makes for random relaxation!

We went to the grocery store. That's fancy! And Target. Well, I went to Target. I went to both the ritzy HEB and Target. You know, we moved from Crack Land to Cracker Land. I am not really sure which is worse. I am not the biggest fan of having a pimp beat his bottom bitch in my front yard, but I am also not a fan of a soccer mom half telling me off because she doesn't want to move her buggy that is parked sideways in the middle of the tampon aisle. Actually, when you say politely (and I am polite. Believe me. My mother would beat me if I weren't), "Do you mind if I move this over a bit?" and the answer is, "Don't touch my cart. Can't you go the other way?" is the answer, it takes all you can to not bust a snotty bitch in the eye. But, I didn't. I went the other way. I should have stolen her purse! It was just sitting there.

But, I digress.

Nothing at all is going on. I have no new opinions on anything. Imagine that. That's new.

Oh, I do have a doctor appointment tomorrow to do a check up on my new asthma medication because imagine this...I have asthma! Who knew? Not me. Not anyone! Isn't that nuts. What I thought was an allergic reaction that just would not go away turns out to be asthma. That sucks, but what is good is this...I am getting treated for it. Who knew I couldn't really breathe? Not me. I thought I breathed just fine except for when the allergies got me. But, alas, that was not so. Now I am breathing like a champ. I didn't realize my lungs sucked. But, they do. So, yeah for modern technology and health insurance!

In other news, I am obsessed with The Secret Life of the American Teenager and Teen Mom. Oh, they are so good. I am not sure what my obsession with teenage pregnancy is. Maybe it was growing up in Channelview where 7 out of 10 girls were teenage mothers. (It super odd to see them on Facebook with these older teenage kids. It makes me feel old and young at the same time because I haven't even started yet, but here are my classmates with their kids going to prom!!) But, for some reason I love these shows. I just want to call these girls and let them know that there is way more life to live before kids. But, I can't. And some would say I am missing out on that aspect. But, I certainly would not have wanted to find out as a teenager. Lord, I was so stupid! I can't imagine being responsible for a person. Hell, I am stupid now. That's why I haven't started. That, and I can't figure out how the hell I would afford one.

Anyway, I am obsessed with these shows! I love them. I want to watch them all the time. In fact, I watched the whole last season of TSLOTAM (how cool am I) in two days. Yep, I did. It's so good. Hokey and corny. And they say the word sex about 77 times an episode. But, I still love it!

Okay, enough of this pointless blog. LF out!

Avatar!

What a big, stinky pile of not good movie that was! It was so corny. It was so over done. It was just so not a good movie at all. I did like the female lead. I have no idea what her character name was. It was all kinds of pretty colors. The 3D was cool. But, it sucked ass! I didn't like it at all. It was preachy (and against itself, it seems), corny, hokey, badly acted, badly written, and too fucking long!

I don't see how anyone approved the spending of a half a billion dollars on such drivel. I can't figure out why anyone would spend that much to make any movie. Maybe to help irradicate AIDS or feed all the starving children in our country for the year. This movie was not worth that much money.

Oh, it was bad. Of course, if all you are looking for is fighting scenes and colors, than this is for you! But, if you look for more in a story than colors and fight, you might not like it either.

Not to mention the lead guy kept dropping his American accent. Ever three minutes I thought he was going to throw some shrimp on the barbie.

I didn't like it at all. Way too Passion of the Christ ish for me. Or maybe it was too much Corperate America is bad for me (wonder who paid for it). Or maybe it was that who outsider being the chosen one that I just hated. It was all so cliche and predictable. For real! It was not good! Hated it (say that like the two gay guys who reviewed movies on In Living Color whose names I can't remember at this moment).

Okay, that's that. I didn't like it.

Oh How the 2010 has Come!

That title sounds a bit pervy, huh?

Anyway, the new year is here. I had a fantastic New Year's Eve. It wasn't spent in a hugely populated area with a bunch of goony strangers. Thanks goodness! It was spent with my best friends playing Wii, playing Uno and doing Mad Libs at the same time, getting a bit happy, dancing and singing, and watching some East Side illegal fireworks. It was really a great evening! Wanna see it?




This was at the last meal of 2009. It took place at the Dan's hamburgers on Airport. Man, Dan's is damn good. I like the Fran's, but it's not Dan's. For those of you in Austin, you know the deal with those restaurants. It was a mighty tasty meal!

Then we headed over to the T and the J's for some new year's fun with Katie! We did all kinds of fun activities that involved not a whole lot of people, but a whole lot of entertainment. Well, at least for us! I laughed so hard at one point that I almost passed out. I think that might have been during the Mad-Libs while Unoing (thank you, Jody, for the fab idea!). There was an incredible illegal fireworks display right up the street. Hell yeah, for that! I mean, they were some fancy fireworks.

All in all, a great evening. Here, I will let you see!

















It was a great fucking night! For real it was. I hope everyone had as much fun as I did. And, of course, I hope everyone rang in their first meal of the new decade as fancily as we did!


Ah, the Jack in the Box! Way to start the new year!

Oh, 2009. How Fun Ye Have Been...

So, it's finally the end of 2009. What a year it has been. I have watched a whole shitload of TV. I have gone to the movies a bunch. I ate out more times than I should have. And, I spent a lot of time just hanging out.

What exciting happened this year? I got a masters degree. That was pretty cool. I haven't done anything with it because of this recession and unemployment issues and all. But, I got it. And one day, I shall!

Jody and I celebrated our second year as a couple. Couple of goons, if you ask me. But, together we have been for two years. It has been a great two years. The weird thing is that I can't much remember life before him. I mean, I do. But, it seems so weird and so long ago. I am very much in love with the goober. And if it weren't for him, I would never have found an International Accordion Festival to attend!

We got our new Gussy! He is the cutest damn dog. He really is. He's sweet as he can be. He is super hyper. He poops on anything that sits still. And if he doesn't poop on it, he chews it up. Sure he has eaten most of our possessions, but he is still our sweet, stupid little Gus! And we love him. Now, if he can just re-get that pooping outside thing! (if anyone has suggestions, send them my way)

We moved to a whole new part of the city that I hadn't lived in before. It is very suburban and all that that entails. I am not sure if we will stay in the area after our lease is up because living amongst the Kate Gosselins is not my idea of fun. Neither is living in a gigantic apartment complex compound type area. But, we don't have hookers or crack houses anywhere near us. That's a major plus! The grocery store is fantastic, but the grocery store patrons suck. Seeing a woman being escorted out of the grocery store by a bagger who is holding her one bag and an umbrella over her head is something I jsut don't care to see. But, neither is a pimp screaming at his bottom bitch. So, I guess it is a fair trade. The electric bill is down about $600 a month. So, all in all, not a bad move.

This may sound pathetic, but in 2009 I finally mastered the fine art of chopsticks! Now, I know that may sound funny or sad or pathetic. It is. But, I eat a lot of Thai and Vietnamese food. In fact, my favorite restaurant in this town is Pho Van, a Vietnamese restaurant. There ain't a fork in the place! So, after some years, I finally figured out how to use them! I am not perfect, but I can actually eat. And Jody doesn't even laugh at me when I accidentally sling food on myself (which I do often). So, I feel that is a major accomplishment!

All in all, a good year. I was pretty proud of the degree and the chopsticks thing. I am so glad to be with a great man who loves fun out of town jaunts and making out with me in public. And, I got a dog who seems to hate me, but is really cute.

Let's see what the 2010 brings. I hope I don't die!

Staunch Characters!

Well, once again Christmas time has come and gone. This year, it was just the Jodster and I on Christmas day. But, it was a great one! I got a lot off good stuff! I think I got Jody a present he really likes. And he got me one that I have wanted for forever! Wanna see what it is? Well, I have a picture, but it isn't on this computer. So, I am going to put a stock photo!



My Grey Gardens book! I am so excited. For those of you who don't know what Grey Gardens is, it is a documentary about Big Edie and Little Edie Beale. They are aunt and cousin to Jackie O (or Kennedy at the time). They are cuckoo birds who live in Grey Gardens, a dilapitdated house in the Hamptons. If you have never seen it, I highly recommend it! It is one of the most amazing pieces of art I have ever seen.








I really can't express enough how much I like this documentary. I love documentaries in general. And the Maysles are excellent documentary makers. But, this subject is just enthralling. I want it to go on and on. I wish I had met Little Edie. I see a bit of me in her. She is such a sympathetic character. Her mother made her a nut job!

There is a movie made of the documentary starring Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange. Now, I at first I was appalled by this. However, after having watched it, I think it was very good. It was done with the utmost respect for the subjects. And I think it might be the only really good acting Drew Barrymore has done. So, I don't object to it at all. It has a bit more insight than the documentary because it goes into their history a bit.

All in all, it is just fascinating! It truly is. Rent it, watch it, love it! I do!

So, that was Christmas. Well, not really. I got a bunch of good stuff (including my sister's old camera! Thank goodness! Now I can take pictures again that aren't with my stinky camera phone!). I had a really good meal. I got to make out with a fantastic boy who let me listen to way too much Christmas music and watch way too many Christmas movies even though he isn't all that much of a fan.

All in all, a great day! Now, onto the new year! Let's hope it is a great one!

Jody called me a Poop Face!

In Canada Lait au Polulet is what they call egg nog. Translated, that is chicken milk. Translated, that is the grossest thing I have ever heard! But, it sure is funny. Chicken milk. Yuck!

I saw the trailer for the Karate Kid movie. (Do I capitalize that since it really isn't the title?) Anyway, they have turned Wax On, Wax Off into Jacket On, Jacket Off. Jacket off? Did no one on the production team realize that Jackie Chan telling Will Smith's kid to Jacket Off is about a pervy and freaking hilarious as you can get! Jacket off. Hell, Jody says that to me all the time! I didn't know he was wanting me to practice karate!

I have the song Woman in Love in my head. I think that is the title. It is sung by Barbara Streisand and written by Barry Gibb. It is so overly dramatic! It's horrible, but I love it like one would a Captain and Tennille song. But, I can't help it. It is one of those awesomely bad songs like I'm Your Lady by Celine Dione or Strong Enough by Cheryl Crow. I have no idea if these are the actual titles, but I don't want to research it right now. I will fix it later if they are wrong. But, you know what I mean? Songs that are horrible, but they are done with such amazing drama and feeling? You have to appreciate them. I might make a list of them one day. I really like those types of songs. Anyway, that song is in my head. I think you wanted to know that.


I think I might have just done that whole paragraph in italics. I am kind of a tard when it comes to this thing. I will fix it later if I did. I did. I looked at the preview. Fixing coming up.

Christmas is in two days, and I gotta bleach my hair for Santa! He will be scared away by my awful roots. I look like Britney Spears about two days before she went Spearsy and shaved her head. Remember that look? Not a good one. Oh, and I have a zit on the end of my nose that I had to pick at like a meth fiend. So, for Christmas I am going as Rudolph the Red-Nosed year ago nutty Britney Spears.

Now I am off to hang out with some peoples whom I dig! I shall be back later to make this fabulously flawed blog post. Or will I?

My lazy ass is writing again! Hurray!

Oh, Blog. How I have neglected you. It isn't as if I haven't been too busy to write. I haven't. Well, I have. But it isn't really busy if you consider it is playing Farmtown on Facebook. I have just been a lazy girl, as of late. But, tonight, tonight I will show you just what I am made of. I will throw out my writing skills like no one else. I will give you, Blog, a Judy Chop, a Ningy Chop, and the most famous of all, the Karate Chop. Blog, I will kick your ass with some Master's Degree in English with a focus in creative writing style writing. And I will let you know that I will not Ningy anyone that don't need Ninjying.

Okay, that being said, I sure have been lazy. The world has been turning around me, and I have not stopped to let all you fabulous people know what has been going on. For the most part, not a damn thing!

The Jodster and I are ready for Christmas! We are doing Christmas at home with ourselves this year. We were going to venture to the Mississippi to hang out with his family, but thanks to a huge pet deposit, a set of tires, and about a trillion other expenses this month, we are rescheduling for next month. So, we are going to hang out with each other.

We got ourselves a baby tree.

Well, I have had it. Jody didn't go picking out the Cinderella on top. But, isn't it just adorable. It's the cutest little tree. So, we shall gather round and open presents. Not too many, but some. I know it may sound greedy, but we got each other gifts instead of other people. That means they will get amazing birthday presents! But, you know, sometimes you just want to have your little presents and fun. That probably does sound pretty shitty. But, my life sucks most of the time. So, sometimes getting a present peps you up a little!

Anyway, we have plans, of course. I will be working at some point. But, we are going to have a great Christmas Even Mexican Fiesta with our friends David and Steve. Then the day after Christmas, Jody's oldest friend will be coming to spend a couple of days. So, even though we aren't going to be familying it up. We are going to have fun! I must say that I will miss the annual Ferguson Family Pictionary Tournament. Of course, I was going to miss it anyway since we were heading up to the Mississippi. But, I will just be more ready for it next year! Luckily, I do get to do a little family visiting just after Christmas. Just not on the day.

What else is going on in the good world of this poor, yet humble Austinite? Not too much. For real. How sad. I have been working and hanging out. You know, the normal. I had a great dinner over at a friend's house the other night. You can never beat homemade veggie lasagna and mucho glasses of wine. Wrapped presents with David and Steve the other day. Made out with Jody the other night for like an hour. He is so fun to make out with! Been to work about a trillion times since last I wrote which may be a month ago now!

Oh, Kate and Paul left! They have moved on. That sucks. Baltimore. They moved to Baltimore where Ryan and Emily also moved. I think the whole lot of us may end up there. Then I saw that snow storm on the news, and I decided that would be a bad idea!

But, I can't believe it. Here someone in our group finally decides to go and have a kiddo, and we aren't even going to be around to see her! Dang! That just means we will have to visit. But, it is so sad that they left. But, being a professor and a researcher at prestigious universities is probably a damn good reason to move. Of course, they might have stuck it out here just for our Thursday night hang out. But, alas, the did not. Career and all that, I guess!

I shall miss them, though. Never two more worthy Catan opponents have I beaten!

The rest of my world involves watching TV, sleeping, and really doing not much of anything, as any good American would do. I do recommend watching Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew! Holy Hell, what a show!

Okay, enough of me. I will keep up with this more because I know how much I love to hear myself talk. So, why wouldn't others? Ha!

Youtube is our friend

Rebi (?) Jackson, Debarge, and now The Jetts. Youtube is a good thing!

Jody Cooked my Crab Claw...And That Really Hurt

I recommend getting a boyfriend who is Cajun and likes to cook. It makes for a fabulous Thanksgiving feast of Crawfish Pie and Seafood Gumbo. Sure, I'm a vegetarian. But, I venture the seafood route on occasion. Sometimes more than I should. And tonight was one of those nights. Oh, it was so so so so so good!







I told the Jodster that this is going to be our new tradition. It was so good. And there is a whole lot of it.

Then we went and made banana pudding. I love that awesome son of a bitch! I really do. In the immortal words of Salt N Pepa...what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man!

So, my Thanksgiving went pretty damn well. Boy Howdy, I had a good day.

I'm a Champion Spella!

I am very glad that I have coworkers who care about the environment. I care about the environment. I mean, I am not nuts about it, but I do recycle. I don't get gas before 6 pm if I can help it. I use the dishwasher at night. I use CFLs when I can. You know, the normal things that people do.

So, upon seeing the introduction of a sign advising us to bring our own cups from home with a list of reasons why we should not use the coffee cups supplied is a great thing to have! Except that it seems this great Earth lover doesn't have the same passion for spelling and grammar. You people have no idea how much I want to correct this with a giant Sharpee! Thanks for the effort, Greenie. But, good lord, use the spell check!



The funniest part is that STYROFOAM is spelled correctly throughout the poster, just not in the big assed title! This is why I love people!

I sure hope I didn't spell anything incorrectly in this post. Hehe!

Drank that Soda Water

I have been so lazy about writing in the gosh darn blog type thingy here. I mean nothing much has gone on. Well, it has, but nothing too exciting.

Leah and Maria got married. Their wedding was beautiful! For real gorgeous wedding and all that that entails. Wanna see a picture? Good because I am going to show you one.




Don't they look amazing. It was so awesome. The most beautiful day! The most beautiful setting! A margarita machine! Yes, a margarita machine which I took full advantage of. But, other than that, it was such a nice ceremony and party.

There was, at one point, some freaky man staring at it from the woods. He might have been a serial killer or mountain man or something. We all got a kick out of that.

The ladies are now living in wedded bliss in their house that they have lived at forever. But, they are doing so wedded blissfully, as opposed to, shacking up like a bunch of harlots (which I am still doing!).

Then we had the Kate and Paul baby shower for baby Emperor Fancy. I say this because Kate's fetus looks like the Emperor from Star Wars (oh, and we like the song Fancy. It's annoying yet wonderful, so we have dubbed the baby Fancy.) Wanna see Emperor Fancy? Good because you are!



Uncanny, isn't it!

Anyway, the shower was so much fun. It was a boy/girl BBQ shower. I guess that means we are all modern. Here are a couple of pictures just to prove we actually had a good time!





Since Kristy, Travis, Jacob, and I were in charge of this shindig, you know it was slightly tasteless. Kristy brought the fabulous fetus cake that reminded me something of the movie The Brood. I made the cupcakes that were supposed to look like vaginas. Apparently they did! So, it was a success!

Of course, Kristy and I are girls through and through, so we had to decorate sweetly. So, Kristy came up with the awesome clothes line with onesies and such on the it. And of course, we had the overload of pink anything that would stand still! So, Emperor Fancy had quite the fancy baby shower. Or at least she did in my opinion!

What else has been going on? Nothing much. The danged old apartment complex found out we had dogs, and they are making us pay up on December 1. Sure, it was our bad for not paying the pet deposit up front. But, moving is super expensive. So, sometimes you have to be a little dishonest. We had planned on paying after the first of the year (so I say, but we probably would have put it off until we were caught). But, we fought the law, and the law won. So, now Christmas is going to be quite lean this year. Sure, we are totally at fault, but I still want to gripe! Dang you, apartment complex people! Dang you! Oh, and sorry for breaking the rules. I am not sure it is worth such a large hunk of money, but I guess we have to pay.

We have been to the movies a bit lately although we should just be saving up money to pay for these ding danged farting dogs. But, I highly recommend Where the Wild Things Are. It was so so so so so good. It was not happy in any way. I cried the whole time. But, I absolutely loved it. I hope it is up for best picture.

We also saw A Christmas Carol. Skip it. We got sucked in by the 3D which is so freaking cool! Then 20 minutes is up, and it turns out it is just the same old story, but it has 3D. And the coolness of that wore off, and I feel asleep. The previews were cool except the seemingly weirdly inappropriateness of a wheel chair coming at you in 3D because of the Avatar preview (which mind you, I do not want to see in any way shape or form. Don't harp on me, I am just not into that kind of movie. In fact, I will go as far as to say I hate that type of movie. I don't know why. I just do! Although I will admit the blue cat people look cool!).

Ho hum, what's next? We are headed to Mississippi for Christmas. I get to meet the fam o' the Jodster! I am so excited. Of course, that is if we can afford it after our dumb old apartment complex tries to bankrupt people at the holidays. But, we shall head to the Pearl to meet the Mom and the Sister and the Brothers and the Nephews and the Nieces and the whoever else! I am so excited. I am! I sure hope they like me. I figure as long as I keep my mouth shut, they will.

Oh, what else is going on the world of the Laura Ferguson? Not a gosh darn thing! Really. Nothing. I have a few gripes here and there. I have a few chuckles on the occasion. Sometimes I have a life, but mostly I just come to work. I need to update a whole lot more. (and so does a reader man of D.G. I miss reading your blog!!). So, I will end now because I am boring even myself.

Long Live the Kiss Army!