Thursday, June 30, 2011

Somtimes Killer Children Makes Your Night Complete

I got to see Bloody Birthday yesterday on the big screen.  It was awesome.  Sure, the movie is dorky as shit.  But, I love it.  I have always loved it.  I saw it many, many years ago. I am guessing I probably saw it around the time it came out.  I love that my mother let me watch whatever I wanted.  It probably had something to do with my sister being 6 years older than me and letting me hang out with her and her friends at slumber parties (which was pretty cool of her, if you ask ask me). 

Anyway, seeing at the theater was so awesome.  And for only $1.  Man, I love Alamo. 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrCZRblvmy8

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Jumpin Jack Flash has Some Gas, Gas, Gas

So, I'm sitting in my office (actually cubicle) all alone.  Not a soul in here but me.  I have headphones on because I am super jamming out to The Shins (please forgive me, Jody).  Well, not necessarily jamming as it is hard to jam to The Shins.  Anyway, it's just me in  my headphones.

A minute ago, a sudden smell wafted across my nose.  It was fart smell.  It was.  No doubt.  Big old fart smell.  And, I didn't do it! 

Do you know how creepy it is to suddenly smell a big fart when no one is in the building.  Really, me and like two people two floors away.  Do we have ghosts that poot?  It's a new building.  We can't have ghosts.  And before this building was just an airport runway.  No respectful ghost will haunt a runway where no airplane crashes happened.

So, now I am all weirded out.  I guess security might have come in and done it.  But, that doesn't seem like something they would do.  And they would have hollered until I heard them.  Unless that tried to holler, tooted instead, and ran away.  Or maybe they saw a ghost of runways part, and that scared an air biscuit out of their booty. 

I have no idea.  It was creepy thought.  Rogue farts are coming to get me.  I am not sure that is okay with me.

If I never write in this again, it is because I was ax (or is it axe?  And why are their two spellings of it?  I may have to look this up.) murdered by crazy lunatic murder with gas.  Just my luck.  The last thing I smell is a fart.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

It Done Rained This One Time

It's mother fucking raining, Bitches!  Yeah, I said it.  I said it just like that.  Like a big smack in the mouth.  You have no idea how awesome it is that it is raining.  Today was going to be day 32 without it.  And today is going to be 16 days in a row over 100 degrees.  You know what that means?  It means suck.  It means super sucky drippy penis suck.  Yes, that bad.  If you don't get it, you obviously haven't ever lived in this part of Texas.  Oh, rain!  Yehaw!  And, I got to witness the coolest storm from my office.  It has a fab wall of windows and an awesome view.  So, there.  I got to have a really cool couple of hours.

The Channelview Reunion weekend was pretty awesome.  Two things I learned:

1.  I pretty much suck at bowling.  I think I got a 53 and a 80.  Bad for a grown up person who at one time in her teens was in a bowling league. I found that if I just hurl the damn thing, I get a much better score.  I think they may frown on that.  But, I say pooh to the rules!  I take bowling matters into my own hands.  And, dammit, hurling is what I have to do.  So, I hurl.  Ha.  That's kinda funny there.

2.  I don't really remember what number two was going to be.  A list just isn't so much of a list with just one item on it.  That's just a sentence.  And, I wanted a list, dammit.  There was actually something.  However, it must be very unimportant because I can't remember 152 seconds ago.  Sad, isn't it?

So, my list will end.  But, just let me tell you, I had a great time.  I think we should all get back together for a slumber party soon.  I miss my Channelviewians.  I have Shawn here but not my Mandy.  It's amazing how you can know someone for 25 years (for real...since 4th grade), and you can really find a lot to talk about.  Funny, isn't it.  I sure do like that Mandy!  She's loud.  She's goofy.  She loves boobies (at least that's what her bracelet says).  She's is pretty awesome.

Anyway, fun was had!  Super fun was had.  We bowled.  We ate.  We listen to some "Mom Getting Sensual" music whilst eating.  We gabbed.  It was super fun.

Now, off I go into the rainy yonder!  Freak yes!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Hotness in so Many Ways

Oh, the life of a fabulous lady like myself.  It sure is exciting.  I tell you what.  You just don't know what can happen when you live on the edge like I do.  You might find yourself at work.  You might find yourself at HEB.  You might find yourself watching television.  Oh, yes.  You might.

Sure, I haven't done much of anything too exciting.  But, it's too fucking hot.  Too HOT!  Yes, a blog about weather.  It really is called for.  Today it was 103.  Tomorrow it looks to be 104.  Yesterday it was 101.  And, the hits just keep on coming.  It's too hot.  It's too hot to do any danged thing you can think of.  I would love to go hang out outside.  It's not gonna happen.  I can't even do laundry because it is just too hot. I've been wearing the same damn pants for a week because our laundry room is outside and unairconditioned.  I don't care if I smell like an old dog mixed with perfume mixed with Dr. Pepper I spilled all over myself.  It's too hot.  Maybe I will force Jody to do it.  He seems to do nice things like that for me.

On better than death weather news....Mandy is coming to visit this weekend!  Oh dear.  That's all I can say.  Mandy, Shawn, and I will be taking this town by storm.  Or at least as by storm as we can during the reign of Hell right here on Earth.  So, we shall be taking the inside, air conditioned areas of this town by storm.  Oh yes, we will!  Let's see if we can do it up like we used to.  We probably can't.  Well, I can't.  But, I plan on trying.  I really do.  I am sure I will report back with details about this no holds barred weekend.  That is, if I still have arms when we are done.

And for your viewing pleasure....Just be prepared for the fine and sexy dancing.  You loins will probably throb.  Don't say I didn't warn you!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Remember the Alamo!

There are many things about this town o'mine that I love...Maria's Taco Express, Barton Springs, the people, the Alamo Drafthouse, the general awesomeness of the city.  And it is good to know that one of my most favorite things is getting a lot of recognition this week.  Sure, I heard about it the first day.  Then Anderson Cooper heard about it the next.  Then the whole world did.  So, my blog today is just to thank The Alamo Drafthouse for being the most awesome group of movie theaters in all the land!  I am so glad I have been a regular since way back in the day when you were on Colorado.  I try to get to you once a month (or three times as I have this month).  I will never talk, text, or tweet in you.  And, I am glad you will take anyone's ass out who will!  All hail, Alamo!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Who Let the Ducks Outs?

So, guess what I got to do this weekend.  I got to hang out with some of the coolest ducks on Earth.  Yes, I did.  Patty and Selma.  Wanna see 'em?  I don't care if you do or not.  I'm posting pictures!









Are these fools adorable or what?  Sure, I don't know which one is Patty and which one is Selma, but does it matter?  Not really.  

You may be wondering what a chicken is doing in there with them.  Well, that's there mama.  That's Henrietta.  We've been friends for some time now.  She is one broody little chicken.  She makes you really get the meaning of Mother Hen.  Anyway, my friend Trav's uncle found some duck eggs.  But, there was no mother or anyone to sit on them. He sent them home with Trav because Henrietta has hatched other chicken's eggs before.  So, she sat on those darned eggs for a long long long long long time.  And, lo and behold, they hatched!  And, oh dear, what cute baby ducks.  (This reminds me of a baby duck hat my sister made me once.  If you know what that refers to, I may love you.  Or you have just clicked that link.)

Anyway, four of the ducks went back to Uncle's house.  But, Patty and Selma got to stay!  And, they are so sweet.  They do this little chirp quack.  Not quite duck quacking, but it's getting there.  They are pretty cool little ladies.  I can't wait for them to get bigger!  Oh, how I love that ghetto farm...dogs, ferrets, chickens, koi, and ducks.  It's like a petting zoo in the greatest possible way!

You know what else I did this weekend?  I went to the movie!  I know that's hard to believe because people don't often go to the movie.  But, I did!  And I took Jody with me.  So, I am going to give you some important information....Go see Bridesmaids.  For real.  Like now.  Somehow watch it immediately.  I am sure there is a pirated copy of it somewhere on the onlines.  So, go find it.  Or just go to the movie and see it.  It's tremendous!  Even funnier than The Hangover: Part II.  It is.  Well, they are very close.  I have a deep respect and love for Kristen Wiig (and I love the double i going on there).  

Also, upon looking her up to get the link, I realized she was on the Joe Shmo Show.  And she so was!  I loved that show.  It was the reality show that was fake (ha, not like that). It was all actors and staged except for one guy who was chosen to be the winner at the get go.  Every other person was an actor.  She was the doctor!  Holy Shit!  I am so excited.  As soon as I read that I remembered it.  Ah, I loved it.  If you can find that online, it was really good.  The Joe Shmo guy was so awesome and nice.  And they all felt like assholes at the end when they had to tell them it wasn't real.  It was kinda sad because they had all become friends.  There was crying and anger, and it was awesome! I am shocked as shit.  And you get to experience it with me!  Hurray!

Okay, so that was the weekend.  Hanging out with ducks, Jody, a couple of friends, movies, out to eat way too much (although the fried pickles at Alamo are the bomb or shiznit or whatever word for super yummy makes me sound the most like a honky cracker-not just a honky or a cracker, but a honky cracker).  All in all not so bad.  If I had written this blog 10 years ago, it would have been way more exciting.  But, this will do for me this time around.  
Later!




Friday, June 3, 2011

Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah

You ever see something that just takes your breath away?  A beautiful sunset; the Hope Diamond; this...


Ah, yes.  Beauty.  I have been staring at his rear for quite some time now.  I mean, it is so round.  Sort of bulbous, isn't it?  And his shoes goes so well with the outfit.  I feel this is probably some sort of team building exercises.  Now, we just have to figure out where he works.

So, life this week.  Life this week.  Life this week!  You know, life this week has been fairly boring.  I have had the song "Alone" by Heart in my head for two days now.  It has become mind numbing almost.  Luckily, I like the song.  Not really in a good song kind of a way-in that ironic, it sucks, but is funny in an 80's kind of way like.  So, there's that. 

I ate at Kerby Lane this morning for breakfast after work.  I love Kerby Lane.  I've only been to the one on Guadalupe even though there are a number of others.  But, in all the 15 years I've been around this town, I have only eaten at that one.  But, I had a yummy breakfast with a lovely man.  He's good breakfast company.

I should probably have some sort of life before I decide to blog, shouldn't I?

Oh, I saw The Hangover: Part II.  It's so damn funny!  It's almost equally as funny as the first.  That's hard to top, especially now when we all know to expect the worst (or most awesome!)  I highly recommend it.  Like super a lot.  Super duper a lot!  I think if Jody was ever to run away with some crazy fat lady (that wasn't me), I would set my sites on Zack Galifianakis.  Well, him or Jason Momoa.  They are both up there on my list. 

I got a bunch of free junk.  Magazines, shampoos, conditioners, heart burn medication, lotion.  I got a new magazine-Popular Mechanics.  I am very excited to read it!  Not really.  I am not very popular or mechanical.  But, you can never have too much bathroom/coffee table reading.  Actually, yes you can.  Ask my recycling bin. I am probably a horrible tree hugger for getting so many magazines.  But, I love it.  And they are free.  And, I don't know what strange list I am on, so I can't stop them anyway. 

So, uneventful week. Brilliantly uneventful.  I wonder what snazzy things will fall into my lap this weekend?  Maybe some sort of adventure.  I doubt it.  But, one never knows.

Okay, off to bore others with my no life stories.  Only this time, I shall tell them in person!  Hurray!